A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Thank you in advance to all who take the time to respond to this question. It is summer and everyone is busy so thank you.I have had a major text argument with a long time friend. The problem with text is people can get confused about the tone. That is what happened here I think.The friend involved is one of a number of friends and family I will be visiting when I am out in her city in a couple of weeks. Last time I visited I stayed with different friends but it was a bit crazy so this time I chose to stay in a hotel right downtown.I am planning a girls night out when I am there and I invited this friend to crash in the hotel room as we will probably be drinking a bit.Fastforward to today when I got a text wanting confirmation that she would be staying over on the date we arranged. Twice I confirmed this. She then sent a couple of texts, not rude but just stating that she did not want to park her car downtown. I suggested she might use the subway system which is pretty good. This is where things got nasty. She sent me an email back saying that obviously I did not know her as she would never use the subway.I could tell she was agitated at this point and probably should have stopped texting her. I sent a text saying I was doing the best I could by her and she was welcome to stay over in the hotel.Again...she seems to have misread the tone and sent she was independent and that she could make her own way and she had the impression that I felt overextended in offering her a place to stay and that she was no longer interested.She then followed up by saying that she was bowing out of this time to get together but perhaps we could meet at another time. This angered me. I felt it was rude that she would reject the time we had agreed on and then presumptuous that she figured I could just fit her in somewhere else. I sent her a text saying as much. I do not want a flurry of texts suggesting get togethers when I am there when I am all ready so extended in seeing the people I need to see. I would not be surprised if she contacts some of our mutual friends about this.Perhaps she was not comfortable with the partying and wanted an out but why could she not have said so.Questions are...has anyone else had a misunderstanding because it was texting? Am I being harsh here and should I clear my schedule somewhere to make room for this person. She is a long term friend but I feel she is being disrespectful. I know this person and she will be texting and calling our mutual friends when I am there..how do I handle this.I really need this holiday and I just dont need this drama...period.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2015): Ahhh this happens all the time to me, I also get in a pickle trying to explain myself when people misread mine..
Texting men is a nightmare as they tend to use it for standard straight to the point communication where as I'll write twenty pages ha. I'd chill, freinds know when you are being funny and if know you wekk would know you didn't mean it like whatever and that it's their perception.
I always read texts fifty times to make sure I haven't gotten wrong end
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 August 2015):
 JUST pick up the phone and call her. Talk it though.
I only use texting for "emergencies" (like to hubby - pick up a gallon on milk" - going to b 15 minutes late etc) I don't USE texting for having conversation.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (10 August 2015):
How do you handle it? Call her and sort it out. Explain what you meant and why you are upset by her reaction. Hear her out to. If she has interpreted it all wrong, explain that you did not mean it in the way she took it, so you hope that your issues are now resolved with things cleared up. Then you can decide if you want to clear space for her or not. If she continues to make a drama, tell her that you’ve explained what you meant so it’s up to her to decide whether to accept that or not. You should then just get on with your plans without her. I don’t think this was a misreading of a text, I think this is some-one who either relishes in drama or is very selfish in wanting everything her own way. Why won’t she use the subway, by the way? This seems ridiculous. This sounds like attention-seeking whining to me, and if you offer her clarification of what you meant and tell her that you meant no offence, the ball is then in her court to get over herself or not.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Countonme +, writes (10 August 2015):
Maybe your friend has been having a hard time recently and took it out on you. Send her a text asking if it would be okay for you to visit her while you are in her city.
You two could have a good catchup and clear the air, I've had many text arguments and sometimes you have to be the one to apologise even if it wasn't your fault. Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2015): Hi yes. On many occasions I have misread or people have misread my messages - either by text or on Facebook.
I think you're exactly right - people misread the tone of the conversation & if they are in any way sensitive - become very touchy or defensive. In a way I miss the old way of contacting people - by phone. As I have had 1 or two fall outs via text because of this. Sometimes it is best to put a smiley grin at the end of your words, just to show you are not serious.
Maybe - phone her up and try and clear things over the phone instead.
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (10 August 2015):
"Doesn't want to park her car downtown. Doesn't want to use the subway". She's probably developed agoraphobia since you last spoke to her, and has become nervous about going out. Of course she'd never mention this, knowing full well it's crazy but not wanting to admit it, so has chosen to put all the blame on you instead. You did everything in your power to deal with the objections she raised, and she got angrier and angrier that you didn't see what she REALLY meant.
You don't need this kind of person in your life. Wait until her middle-aged hormones settle down a bit, then decide if her continued friendship is worth the trouble.
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