A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I live some miles aways from each other, and every time he comes to see me (he never lets me come to his) he had to take two buses, which took nearly two hours and cost a lot of money which he barely had. Last night he came into town to split up with me: basically he said he couldn't handle the distance and the cost any more, on top of exams which are coming up, and even if we meet in the middle, like we sometimes do, we end up spending more money on the cinema and stuff. He said it isnt right that we only see each other once a week when we're in a relationship. I have offered many times to come and see him or to pay for the bus but he won't accept money from me.Last night was one of the worst nights of my life. I hate crying in front of people, but I couldn't help it when I realised he was serious and wouldn't change his mind, and however much he hugged me and told me he still wanted to see me and be friends it only made things worse. I had him call his dad to come get him, and spent the rest of the night crying. I have never been in this situation before. I have always been the one to end relationships, and usually when things have obviously been going downhill: this was completely unexpected for me. Today, the pain is still here, I can almost physically feel it in my stomach. I am constantly on the edge of tears, and I only control myself because my family is around. I fell for him hard. I looked forward to seeing him every week, we texted endlessly every single night and I lost my virginity to him. I loved being with him, and apart from the distance, everything seemed pefect. I cant believe its over before we even reached three months. I want to call him, but i know it wont change things, and i'm trying to hold onto some small pride.How do I even begin to get over him? Has anyone else ever had their heart ripped apart like this, and how did you deal with it? Please, any advice would be welcome.
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male
reader, Rory  +, writes (20 February 2009):
OUCH! It seems as if he would find fault in anything that let You 2 see each other, had he not paid him self..
The break up pain is intense. Over time it diminishes..
Last break up I had back in 2003 was miserable.
After a month of moping, I knew my soul had degraded over this misery.. I did a lot of hard labor volunteer work to get endorphins back, they make life a lot better.. Then I volunteered at a mission, thinking If I was misserable, may as well be in good company with the downtrodent. After a few weeks of serving others, accepting my loss and faults which partly led to a breakup I took a good look around. Accepting that I am a good person, good soul, and good karma, I am worthy. Her loss. After 4 months of weekly communal service of some type the soul was again BEEMING with joy and I was ready again to emotionally be with some one.. That hopefully is where You end up.. After reaching self love again, I decided that I was content, and happy - Since then I have not wanted nor been in a relationship... This likely will not be the case for most of you..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): Distance is a hard varible on a young relationship.
Although right now it may seem impossiible to get over, it is very much possible.
And, crying and letting the pain out is the best way to deal with it.
It will be hard but try to surround yourself with close friends and family, people that make you smile.
It may take some time, but sooner rather than later,
you will be over him, and other men will catch your interest.
This may also seem hard to do, but try to condition yourself emotionally next time you're in a relationship,
so that if things do fall apart again, you know how to control your feelings, and although all break ups will hurt, you will better prepare yourself emotionally.
I hope you begin to feel better soon. Best regards.
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A
male
reader, Sirus  +, writes (18 January 2009):
To tell you the truth,,,I don't think there's one single pill that you can take, and all of the sudden...BOOM! you are over him and you are ready to begin a new adventure!
You have to see the bright sight in it, it's an experience, it's gonna build up your personality, it's gonna give you more insight for later relations, you've been in love for real which many people would envy you for, you gonna spend a couple of days feeling down, so what? spend them, don't try to forget what happens as its going to haunt you someday, live with it, learn from it, you gonna be a stronger person when it all ends and you are ready to live another.
Live you life as your gonna die tomorrow, never regret anything that came from your free will...
It sucks, yes it does, and you feel like no one knows how it feels like, it hurts more than a physical wound, it does, and we all can give you the best hints to bring him back, but you don't want that complexity in your life in this age.
Now go and have some fun;)
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A
female
reader, shiraz +, writes (18 January 2009):
youve shared so much with this guy, hes been a part of you for some time so its going to hurt when all thats changed and without you having any input to the change. its a shock to you and getting over it will take time you need to rebuild ourself. the next week or so will be crap and youll just want to stay in bed and cry, remember it is still sinking in and so the more days go on im gunna be honest the more it hurts, but then you get that day where it hits you, its over and youve cied so much but what can you do now? its gone, out of your power. your feelings will never go, as you fell so deep and your first is always a part of you, but they will ease eventually.
people deal with it in different ways, there isnt a right or wrong way. some go into turn off mode and shut away ithers go out and try to forget. you fell deep and the way you deal with it will be different than other relationships given the circumstnces.its a bad time right now on top of exams etc but youll need time to rebuild all thats damaged.
take time to become yourself again, and deal with it the way you want to. this is going to hurt, its true and im being honest it gets worse before it gets better but hun it will get better and when it does you can become whoever you want and start to relive your life. good luck xxx
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A
female
reader, The Doctor +, writes (18 January 2009):
oh My Dear,
I am so sorry for you heart break...it does hurt...you are young and you will recover...i promise! Get busy with your friends, go get some culture at the museum...start a journal and write down your emotions...it will help you heal! And most importantly, learn from this mistake, don't give anyone 100% of yourself, until you have a commitment for life...it's called maintaining your values with dignity!
The Doctor
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): I went through something very similar. I was with my ex for almost two years and we were very much in love. Everyone thought we were going to get married and talked about it with me before (even to his parents). But he couldn't get a job in my state when he graduated and he had to move 2 hours away. Then I couldn't get a job in his state. When we realized we would have to commute to see eachother and we didn't have the time to see eachother (due to his job). He started being nasty and I HAD to bring up the break up. No one should live like that. He agreed and BAM. 2 years down the drain.
This happens and traveling is very hard on couples. Before this him and I traveled about an hour to see eachother but the extra hour really made the difference. Like the money issue might really make the difference here. I am dealing with it by taking extra classes outside of work (art classes) and making new friends.
New friends are the best during break-ups because they don't know about your ex and they don't care. Current friends are great and all but you're going to feel like you should talk to them about the break-up and the the more time you are forced not to talk about it you'll start to not think about it. Then next thing you know you have a brand new life with fun friends and maybe even a new boyfriend.
GOODLUCK and there is a great website called.
SoYouveBeenDumped.com
I went to that when I was dumped for the first time. I was just like you. I had never been dumped before.This place helps a lot.
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