A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm looking for some advice from anyone who might have been in my situation or know someone who has. I've come to understand it's a far more common situation to be in than I had once believed. I had an abortion 3 weeks ago. At first I felt glad, relieved and even grateful that I was in a position to have fast, free and easy access to the procedure. I still know that the decision I made was absolutely the right one for me. I'm 23, not very financially stable and despite being in a strong relationship neither my partner or I are ready for it.In spite of all this, I am feeling a bit lost at the moment. I haven't really told anyone and don't have anyone I could feel comfortable talking about how I feel to. My partner has said I should try not to think about it so much but I'm really preoccupied. I think the whole experience has been more stressful than I'd realised and I can't get this weird sort of guilt off my mind. I don't feel sentimental or bad about the fact it could have been a person. I more feel spooked, frightened and like I've been through something terrible but it's not socially acceptable to feel upset or to talk about it. I'm having to lie to my friends, wider family and colleagues, to their faces, about why I was unwell for several weeks beforehand. If it had been some other illness it would be okay to be honest but I'm too scared that people will judge me and hold it against me.I'm just trying to work out when this feeling will start to go away. I don't even know if I have an actual question to ask. Just looking for someone who has been through this and might be able to tell me it will be alright. At the moment I feel like this is going to carry on haunting me and I've forgotten what it was like to just feel normal.Sorrybt
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (17 June 2014):
 Please disregard your partner’s advice; he’s quoting from what I call; the inapt male medical journal of how to overcome the haunting of an abortion in silence! He is best to learn from this experience that a woman needs to be allowed to talk in order to settle her conflicting emotions. He was part is this was he not, so he should let you speak!? Women do not possess a flip switch method of therapy when it comes to this experience.
Reality is, yes you are experiencing guilt from a traumatic operation. Your mind gave you logic and reason as to why this decision was right for you… timing, finances and security etc. However, nature produces vast hormonal changes when we conceive; the body adapts accordingly and goes into survival mode to protect the unborn.
When we severe this unique bond our hormones do not stop, but it does go into shock! You may say; “...it was more stressful than you realised...” Certainly, guilt is commonly the first feeling we experience and one doesn’t have to be sentimental to understand/acknowledge what could have been?
In time your body’s hormones will become normal and daily routine will return. The emotional haunting will subside, but never go away completely. Even when you are perfectly ready to hold that welcomed little person in your arms, there will be a tug, a wave of emotion that will remember.
Meanwhile friends, family etc, need not be so nosey if you give them a convincing illness that doesn’t require them to ask a follow up on your health. This is a personal sensitive subject that most women do not discuss for shame, guilt or fear of judgment; you are not alone in your thinking.
Take care of your mental health if this starts to trouble you or wreak havoc in your relationship. A Counselor at your Family Planning Centre would be beneficial.
Best of Health – CAA
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (16 June 2014):
A grieving process is perfectly normal after an abortion. It is probably related to your hormones trying to get back to normal, and many, many women feel this. Also, if you have a religious upbringing this can affect you also.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (16 June 2014):
Right now you are being very hard on yoursel.Its only 3 weeks since. you had the abortion and you made the right decision for you at that time.Now i dont have personal experience myself but my best friend had an abortion so i would know something about the after effects.You are acting normal as can be and it not easy to handle alone .Would you consider going to a counsellor because this would be of great help to .Time will ease the situation.Nobody is fit to judge anybody so remember that re your friends .Kind Wishes NORA B.
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