A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,I really hope this doesn't make me sound like a total bitch. I have become really good friends with the husband of one of my oldest friends. We all get along really well together but we are also friends in our own right. We text back and forth very regularly and probably most days. We have very similar personalities and have discovered we can pretty much tell each other anything. I don't know how much of our conversations he shares with his wife and I think she's ok with us being friends, but I think that could change easily. We never text anything seriously flirty and if sex comes up its in a form of a joke or in a matter of fact way. However I can say I have developed feelings for him passed what they should be, a long way past. I wouldn't act on them but the idea of backing off is really upsetting because he's become basically my closest friend. Please help me. Call me a husband stealing ho if you like but I just want to know if I am doing something awful or is ok if I am the only one who's going to get hurt? If I am. I don't even know that!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2014): Thank you for all the advice. I see what I have to do. The current situation is unsustainable and if it goes any further we will all end up hurt. I wish men and women could be friends without other stuff getting in the way but I guess that is unrealistic. I shall distance myself from him and get myself a life! Thanks All.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2014): When your feelings are changing out of the proper range for being just a friend, you do the right thing and back-off.
You are being trusted by his wife, and she has no objections to your regular communication, thus far.
That doesn't mean she's not watching you, and monitoring your behavior around her husband. She's vigilant. Trust me on that. Women seem to have a sixth-sense about such things. They will silently coil like a snake and let you get close enough to bite. That bite could be quite toxic!
You're trivializing the situation by suggesting we just write you off as a husband-stealer; as if that's some sort of joke. It isn't funny. Nor is betraying the trust of his wife. If he's contemplating anything; don't think for one minute his wife is totally unaware in any changes in his behavior.
You are not a child. You have control over your feelings and impulses. If you're spending too much time messaging another woman's husband, it's time to get on with your life, and look for your own relationship.
Too often people act as though they are so overwhelmed they can't behave and do what is right. They'd rather just act as if they should just go with their feelings with no regard to the consequences. BUNK! You wouldn't want another woman stealing YOUR man. You are no longer in the realm of friendship, you are now crossing the line into opportunist.
This is when you grow a conscience; get your urges under control, and back-off until you are able to manage your infatuation.
If you are subtly trying to seduce her husband, or intend to cross the line by having an affair with a married-man; whatever his wife does in retaliation is justified.
I've been around the block. I know that we can all control our feelings when we want to; unless we are stricken by mental-illness. Then there is professional-help to get us through those uncontrollable episodes.
We wouldn't have jails, cops, judges, and lawyers; if people were excused for being so overwhelmed by their emotions that they couldn't follow the rules. We could all plead temporary insanity, and just do whatever makes us feel good. Throw caution to the wind, cross all boundaries, and just wreak havoc all over the place. Civilized decent people don't do that. We recognize boundaries, and respect those people who place their trust in us.
Bury the amorous thoughts, go date eligible-men, and don't make trouble for other people. There is a karma that you will face down the line, that will not make this worth it; if you do decide to try anything.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (16 June 2014):
 You are having an emotional affair with your friend's husband. This is not appropriate and it is not good. You are just one step away from engaging in the physical affair. Put yourself in your friend's position. How would you feel if your bf or husband discussed his heartfelt thoughts with another woman? "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." If you know what you're doing is wrong, then you need to stop this friendship before it goes any further. This will be a test of your character.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2014): Thank you so much for your reply. I think no one else would get hurt because I seriously doubt he has or will develop feelings like that for me. I just worry if I distance myself that that will hurt him because I know he finds it as difficult as I do to make friends. What would be best? To just not reply to his texts? Or give a bit of an explanation? say I think I've got a bit close and need to get a bit of distance? would that be best?
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (16 June 2014):
 This friendship may have started out innocently, but it isn't any longer. At least not on your end. And this should hardly have been a surprise to you.
I don't why you would think that you'd be the only one hurt here.
I know it's difficult, but I think you should put some distance between yourself and this man.
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