A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys! My boyfriend used to be a lot closer to me and always wanted to talk to me and be with me. He got a job and he has to balance school and now our relationship seems soo distant. I do understand now he has less free time and he must be so tired but the time he does free he doesn't really spend with me or talk to me I just feel like he is putting no effort in the relationship. I dont know if I should be concerned that he has lost interest in me or if he's still just getting used to his job. I just don't think he realizes how I unwanted I feel. I don't wanna seem selfish cause overall hes a really good guy and we never fought I would hate to start now just cause of his job unfortunatally I have gotten used to getting a lot of attention from him so this change is hard for me to deal with. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 September 2012):
 Sweetheart, welcome to grown up world.
Use your imagination and think how will you feel, maybe a few years from now, if you 'll have to be in school or college AND hold a job AND of course you don't want to neglect your friends and family, and you'll also have a demanding - attention seeking bf ,who whines if he does not get ALL your free time , and feels unloved and disrespected if you take two hours for a nap or for going to the beauty salon once in a while.
Things between you have changed because external circumstances have changed. You complain that he does not make " enough effort " , but , ask yourself, should he really make more effort than he is currently doing ? why ?
A relationship is not about punching the clock, it's not a commercial contract that obliges the party to provide a set number of daily kisses or of daily phone minutes, then if you get less quantity is invalid. In these cases it's quality , not quantity that counts.
So, if you have no other complaints in your relationship than this, I'd say that's just like you said : you got used to have lots of attention and you want it to keep it coming the same- when he has less time and less energies. Basically- an ego thing :).
Of course if it will make you feel better you can talk to him , not accusing or advancing demands- you can simply, honestly tell him that you are having a very hard time dealing with this change , so you'll appreciate anything he will make to help you deal with it. But don't come on too strong just for the sake of keeping intact your old habits. If this is a good relationship , you want to be a good thing in his life, not something he associates with further pressure.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (25 September 2012):
If you love him then there is no shame in being the one to take charge in the relationship. It sounds like you have more free time than him so it would be a good idea to be the one who initiates the attention giving instead. You don't have to fight about things like this. There's nothing wrong with maturely discussing these topics and working towards a solution in a calm manner. Life is only going to get harder so its important to remember to always work hard at anything you do, just like your boyfriend.
Good luck :)
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