A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 16, and never had a boyfriend before... I went to an all-girls school and have just started at a mixed college. A lot of the other girls I know are sleeping around and stuff. But I don't feel like I want anything like that. Hearing about girls getting pregnant and STDs and so on, I really feel like I want to stay a virgin till I marry. I might want a boyfriend, but I still wouldn't do anything sexual that might get me pregnant. However, is it stupid to make that kind of decision right now, especially since I'm so young and don't know much about this kind of thing?Would a guy be less inclined to marry a girl who hadn't had much "experience" with previous boyfriends, since that seems to be what most women do nowadays? I'm worried that I might be seen as old-fashioned and abnormal. P.S. I'm not sure if I just have a really bad image of guy-girl relationships because of my past, and am scared of getting so intimate with someone? My family is all messed up... my father's cheated on my mother many times before and was very emotionally abusive to her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): On one hand, I value a woman who holds out for the right guy and respects herself that much. On the other hand, having been dumped by a virgin who "got curious" with what else was out there, and having divorced a woman who only had one other partner and because we married too young, I now prefer women with a bit of experience...not just with sex, but with life in general. Knowledge + experience = wisdom. Wisdom makes for lasting relationships.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): Most guys do not want to date a virgin, they just want to marry one.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): To marry a virgin and explore together is very special.
Whether or not people want to be in a relationship with a virgin is a different matter. As soon as you find the guy who doesn't want to use you for sex and doesn't pressurise you for it, he is likely to be a good candidate for marriage.
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A
male
reader, daletom  +, writes (5 October 2010):
Read the reply from "Cerberus".
The lesson to learn from your previous experience is that sexual intimacy is not something to take lightly, or or do just for the sake of curiosity or "learning what it's like".
You may be unusual, but that's not at all the same as abnormal. When I was your age I hoped that my (future) wife and I would be each other's first sex partner. I wasn't totally sold on the "Definitely wait until marriage." idea, but I believed sex was something you reserved for the person you were committed to as life-partners. I figured my desire was a bit unrealistic - after all, my generation (baby boomers) had preached "free love", and "If it feels good, DO IT!". We declared the "Summer of Love" and made Woodstock what it was. Some of us even think we INVENTED premarital and extramarital sex!
I recall sitting at my university graduation, seeing many friends receive their diplomas, and thinking "I must be the ONLY guy here who has never gotten laid!". Well, that wasn't true - and it's not true for all of your friends, either. About 5 months later I met the girl I would marry. We exchanged virginity - she took mine, and I got hers in return - on our wedding night.
In the long run, I can't say that waiting for marriage hurt us. It was really special to be each other's first. We learned together, and didn't have to unlearn what others taught. The problem of previous sexual history was fairly easy to deal with. We're still married (to each other!) - and enjoying sex together - over 36 years later.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 Would you be reluctant to marry a male virgin?
Some people would, some wouldn't. Why do you wonder what GUYS think? Planning a harem? There is only one man whose opinions matters and that is that of the man you want to marry.
What every ones else thinks should be of no concern.
There are plenty of men who do not think sex before marriage is a must. As for sexual experience. You will get plenty soon enough. Sexual experience is highly overrated. It ain't brain surgery.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): There are plenty of us guys who will wait for marriage before having sex with a girl.
I know a few girls that are waiting for marriage before they lose their virginity and they too feel there is a lot of pressure on them to have sex.
Of the guys they kiss and end up dating there are quite a few that are turned off by the idea of waiting and when they find out their pressure doesn't work they move on. Plus these girls are up front about it and some guys won't even go there.
One of my closest friends is such a girl and she's waiting because of her religious beliefs, it gets her down quite a bit because it seems like she's the odd one out in our society these days whereas before it would have been the norm.
I'll tell you what I told her, don't let anybody tell you you're wrong when it comes to what's best for you and your body. Don't let common practice in society tell you that your beliefs are wrong. Don't let magazines with skinny models and new fad diets convince you you're fat and don't let their open attitudes towards sex convince you that you must be sexually active.
Always dare to be different, never conform to an idea you don't subscribe to no matter how popular or "normal" that idea. Have your own mind, make your own mind up about things and if people want to convince you otherwise just use that to strengthen your resolve.
Above all remember there a lots of guys that will pressure you, or walk away when they find out they're not gonna get some but there are just as many guys who will love you and are willing to wait.
Just like her you have an advantage over sexually active girls in that you're not going to be used for sex by guys, you get to weed those losers out early. Just stay strong and only ever do what's right for you.
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A
female
reader, LilPixie +, writes (4 October 2010):
 No it's stupid, a lot of people today still want to wait till they are married before having sex.
I don't think a guy would be reluctant to marrying a virgin unless all he wants from you is sex. If someone really loves you they'll wait and respect your decision.
At 16 I don't think your too young to make this kind of decision but you might change your mind once you have a boyfriend.
Don't worry about what other people may think about this because you're showing that you're a smart and mature young woman who takes care of herself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): Don't stress so much.....
A guy won't care how much experience you've had before.... esp if you work together on learning to become better lovers...
Sex is best when you have a trusting, loving relationship with one and you can explore the full range of activities together...
A decision to marry you won't be based on how good your are in bed... and if is... that's a warning sign.
Look for matched libido in a relationship (you both want sex with similar frequency, a 'once a day person' with a 'once a month person' is a disaster... and guys don't want it all the time necessarily).
Good luck, and paying attention to your parents and making a decision to not make the same mistakes is a good idea.
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