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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: This is a question for guys mainly (or for any girls in my situation or who have been in my situation). I have androgenetic alopecia, I'm 23, so I feel I'm too young for this! :( Anyway, for those who don't know, it means I'm losing my hair. Fortunately, women lose their hair differently than men, and I probably won't go completely bald, but it still shows and it makes me feel really unattractive. It's genetic (both parents have it, so does my sister), and there's no cure, only treatment which may or may not work (it can even make things worse, which is scary). I've always had thin hair, so hair has never been a defining feature for me; I don't feel like I'm losing part of my identity. But I do feel I'm losing my femininity and attractiveness, especially since this is not very common at such a young age! So I also feel very envious of other women's hair all the time... Well people say I'm pretty (though I'm not particularly beautiful or hot), and I receive modest attention from guys, but I always freak out or feel I'm lacking when they do. I know guys love women's hair, and my ex always used to run his fingers through my hair while we were intimate. He knew about my problem and how I felt, he said he didn't care and didn't like talking about the subject, but he probably didn't like it (especially since he had a copious amount of hair, he said he hated having so much hair, yeah right). Some other people have made comments about how thin my hair is, not many people (mostly women with thick hair), so it makes me feel self conscious and I obsess about it, it's making me depressed.Anyway I guess if it ever comes to the worst I'll get a wig or some sort of "fake" hair. The question is, would guys care about me wearing fake hair? When would be a good time to disclose that info? Would you be disappointed to know the girl you're dating or in a serious relationship with had hair loss and wore a wig? Any ladies out there who have gone through this? How have you managed it?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 July 2012):
 I think a guy who really loved you wouldn't mind at all. Someone who were overly concerned about looks might mind.
The way to cope with this problem is to accept it is there and learn to be happy as if it weren't there. You are not the hair you lose. Live as happy as you can; you only have one life and you shouldn't waste it.
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (23 July 2012):
I have suffered from androgenetic alopecia since I was 13, and now I am 23. the dermatologist also says my hormones brought on by puberty have accelerated it and like you I have the hair loss in some places (mainly the front of the head especially around temples). I have been prescribed Rogaine as the dermatologist said it would balance the hair loss out by making the hair grow faster. you could ask your doctor or specialist if this would be beneficial for you, but I understand everyones condition is different.
I do empathise with you, having had people comment on my hair and even try to pull out what I have when I was younger. I would say that any guy who judges you for wearing a wig is shallow and judgemental. I have considered wearing one before, my mother wears one when she goes out.
however I think in a dating situation you should only tell the guy when you are comfortable doing so, it would be better to tell him before he finds out for himself but it is not something which I would discuss on the first or second date. the thing about beauty is that when we know someone, we do not keep looking at their ''faults'' or ''flaws'' every time we seem them. I put those words in commas because these ''undesirable'' features are only made undesirable because society decides that way. if you dont know of her, look up Amber Rose on google, she is some american model who keeps her head shaved by choice (and she looks beautiful with it that way)
Im glad your ex expressed a positive reaction to your existing hair, there are many more men like him out there who will see you as a beautiful person in your own right and not just for how many hairs you have on your head. sorry if my answer was a bit rambling or off the point. if you would like to talk feel free to message me, I dont know any other girls my age experiencing hair loss/alopecia and I am glad I came across your question here. all the best!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 "Well people say I'm pretty (though I'm not particularly beautiful or hot)"
I hope you know why people say that. Beauty is not just in the mere physical, but also in how a person carries themselves, how they act, how they smile, how they treat others, and what sort of energy they give out. If people say you are pretty then don't take that to mean they are looking strictly at your physical traits. No one can remove your personality when they look at you to determine your level of attraction, except for a person who never met you and is only looking at a photograph of you (and as we know, a single picture doesn't say much about a person either).
As for the wig.. how much hair do you have left? I'm talking to my brother here, and he's saying that it depends. He feels you need to get to know a person first without the wig, and then wear it after he knows about it. Or, if you have many bald spots and really need a wig you can wear one, but tell the guy soon. He'd get freaked out if you went to bed and he found your wig on the floor... This needs to not come as a shock to him!
My brother says you should just wear a wig if that's what you want. But try without a wig first. A wig might do wonders for your self esteem, which is a bonus. Guys are atttracted to self esteem. Other than that, it is hard to generalize. Some guys might care about the wig, others might not, and it depends so much on your personality and how well you get along.
Me personally, I don't think a wig is a problem unless you're going to date a playboy. But then again I also don't think your hair loss is as big of a problem as you think. Newsflash: guys thend to speak the truth. If your ex said he didn't mind then he most likely DIDN'T MIND. Your ex being a gorilla himself doesn't mean he enjoys hairy women. And, guys like so many different things really.. its not as if looks, or tons of hair, is what every guy wants. Try not to generalize all men on the globe. They are different, just like women. They like and are attracted to different things.
And, no doubt you get comments from women about your hair. Just remember that if a woman comments, or is negative about something about you, it is because she sees you as a threat! That's right. Women aren't better than that, they pick on other women, especially if they feel someone is outdoing them, or being better than them. It's a hunting field out there to get the best guys, and most women do size up their competition (I do it myself, I'm no saint). So if you're getting commented on it is because they see you as a threat.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 As a guy I wouldn't mind, I'd say the right time to tell someone would be after a few dates, if someone likes you for who you are then I can't see this being a problem from a guys point of view, anyone who does obviously isn't the right one for you, we all have we can't change about ourselves, and people spend their whole life's worrying about what others will think, be proud of who you are, the ones who see past your condition are the ones who are worth your time, good luck and keep smiling
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A
male
reader, grymsoul  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 I personally would be disappointed. Not because she doesn't have long luxurious hair, but because she didn't feel secure enough to show me her real side. To be honest, I'm a guy who isn't really picky with what her real hair looks like. I've dated girls who had forehead lenght hair to girls with shoulder lenght dreadlocks. As long as you keep it clean then it's not a problem to me at all. I'm only disappointed with girls who wear wigs because I feel like she's being fake. She's lying to herself, the world and to me. There's only a few circumstances where I find it necessary for a wig. If she's bald or if her hair is badly damaged. Other than that, I think she should throw the wig away and flaunt the real and natural beauty of herself. I also hate running my fingers through a wig when we make out because I also feel like I'm touching someone else, lol. I know it's wierd but in the back of my mind it isn't really her hair at all. This is just my opinion. I know guys who wouldn't mind at all if you wear a wig. Every guy is different when it comes to this.
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