A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was reading a post about a girl that wants to lose her virginity and she got a few answers saying sex shouldnt hurt. Sex often hurts me, practically every time. Im engaged, have children both vaginal births, and am in my early 20s. I have been examined and there are no problems, nothing wrong. Even pap smears hurt me. In fact one nurse even asked me if i had ever been sexually abuised which i have not. So why does sex hurt me so much? We have 4 regular positions occasionally we do others, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, doggie and missionary. It hurts wether im warmed up or not. It doesnt bother me as much anymore because ive gotten used to the pain. I do bleed from sex sometimes, but its not that rough. Any ideas on why? Ive tried lubricant, forplay,etc. I am able to orgasm, mainly through stimulation, but sometimes through sex only~ Not often though. Is there anything i can do?
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engaged, lubricant, orgasm, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 I agree with person12345, it sounds like it could be vaginitmus. Discuss it with your doctor and until it is more comfortable, you shouldn't feel obliged to have sex.
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (23 July 2012):
OP its time for a serious visit to gp or gyno. Sounds like you have built a real stress situation that wont fix itself. Are you using condoms? They certainly make penetration less easy if you arent well lubricated. Are you absolutely sure you have no infection?
Have you tried spoons? Certainly the most relaxed position imho.
Does it hurt with just a bit of him in you? Is he the size of a horse?
Maybe a few glasses of wine will help you relax. Can you enjoy Oral with your bf putting a finger gently in you? Try different lubes.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (23 July 2012):
 Have you ever looked into a condition called vaginismus? It essentially causes involuntary muscle spasms when you try to penetrate the vagina with anything, for some people it can be as small as a tampon, some it has to be larger to trigger it. It's treatable.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2012): Op again to answer your question chi girl, the longest i have gone without sex is five months, but the longest i have gone without sex with my current bf was 7weeks when we had our first child. But he isnt my first partner. I lost my virginity at 17 and ever since then and even before then when i would masterbate i had to be careful and find what worked. I dont think about the pain, i just go with it and try to make it pleasurable for both. My ex was 5 and a half inches didnt hurt occassionally id be sore. But the larger the more painful. i am going to look it up though.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 It's not supposed to hurt! There's something unusual going on here. Pap smears can be uncomfortable and hurt if you're not relaxed. Probably having a stranger look at you down there in such a way is what makes you tense up. But you should be relaxed with your boyfriend...
Maybe it is the way he is shaped? Maybe he presses in too deep, or maybe you should try different positions to find out what actually works for you.
It could be that because you know it will hurt you're making it difficult to experience pleasure. Your mind could be set on this being a painful experience, and as such you tense up. Have you tried to not have intercourse and just do other things? Have you tried to use a vibrator, or a dildo, and used it on yourself to test what hurts and what doesn't?
What is the longest period of time you have gone without intercourse?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2012): I am the op. I have seen two different drs. Both examined me, tested 4 stds. I had hpv but it actually cleared up. we did two tests and i tested negative, where as a yr prior i was positive. It stunned me because i didnt think i could or would ever test neg after testing positive. But ive had examinations b4 and after that and they couldnt find a reason. I saw two different doctors to get a second opinion. Both suggested lubricant, forplay,stimulation with fingers, one suggested toys, which i havent used yet. But it still does hurt and sometimes i have to do certain positions cuz it will hurt too bad to do others. Thats not 2 often about once a week or two. My bf doesnt mind we just make a joke that hes too big lol. Hes supportive. And if i physically cant then we just do other things. He just feels bad that i cant enjoy it everytime.
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A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (23 July 2012):
 Even though you've had examinations and been told nothing is wrong I would strongly reccomend you go back to your doctor and insist they investigate further. Sometimes the reason for pain during sex is psychological but bleeding is never normal and you shouldn't have been led to believe otherwise.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (23 July 2012):
 I would surf the internet and see what you can find on painful intercourse. I have heard of some women who are like you and do have pain whenever they have sex, but in general, most women shouldn't. My first suggestion was to go see a doctor and rule out anything serious, which you have already done. I would do your research and see if there is anything you can find that would help you. Did you doctor make any suggestions when you told him/her about it?
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