A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi there. this question is aimed at guys specifically but ladies feel free to answer too.I am a 21 year old female and i am a university student.i have been struggling with trying to get dates. there are plenty of guys at univerity and i go out plenty but i can never seem to get guys to approach me.i am an attractive girl and do get checked out but thats it.its come to a point where iv never actually been in a proper relationship. only been on a dew dates which were all set up by friends.im not confident enough to approach guys myself.i don't know whether i give off a bad vibe or don't seem approachable.i mean i do try to make eye contact with a guy if i catch him looking but it never seems to come to anything.so my question is would any of you be able to offer any advice on why i might not seem approachable and what can i do to change this?if any of you guys out there come across girls that you find attractive but don't approach then why is this?any feedback will be greatly appreciated!xx.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks odds.
great answer!
you know you're right, i never really stopped to think that if i find it so hard to approach someone i fancy then guys must feel the same way.
thanks for the advice :)
xx.
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (25 July 2011):
 "im not confident enough to approach guys myself."
Hopefully, this means you understand how tough it can be for guys to approach. It's expected of us, and most guys have to deal with rejection a lot. Your job is to make guys feel like they have a chance.
When you see a guy you like, make eye contact for a few seconds, smile, and then shyly look away (keep smiling). Holding the eye contact and smiling is important - do it for about two seconds longer than feels comfortable. Looking away and continuing to smile gives the guy a chance to approach without feeling like he's under a spotlight. If a guy does approach, turn your body to face his, make eye contact, smile, and listen to what he has to say for a few minutes.
Ideally, you should dress to emphasize either your boobs, butt, or legs, one at a time. This will make you attractive enough to draw attention, but modest enough to seem approachable. It helps if you already look like you're in a good mood, and not in a hurry to get somewhere - part of the reason why meeting people in on-campus clubs or societies is easier, you're already having fun and not going anywhere. Try to stand or sit so you're facing an open space, rather than facing the bar or a table.
"even if i do get talking to guys and things get flirty it just never seems to end with anything."
When you do meet a guy you're interested in, try to touch him at least twice during the first few minutes of the conversation. Pat him on the chest when he makes you laugh, touch him on the arm when you lean in to talk to him, or high-five him when something cool happens. Touch is powerful, it's a way to connect to people, and most guys rarely touch anyone outside of handshakes or foreplay, so it will leave an impression. If he asks you out, but you're busy during the time he suggests, offer an alternative time - most guys understand that when a girl claims to be busy, but doesn't offer an alternative, it's just a polite rejection.
"if any of you guys out there come across girls that you find attractive but don't approach then why is this?"
If I'm single, most of the time I will approach a woman I'm attracted to, if she looks like she isn't trying to get somewhere. But I'm more willing to deal with rejection than most guys; a lot are just like you, they lack the confidence to face it repeatedly. What will keep me from approaching is watching another guy get shot down hard. Guys notice when a girl shoots a guy down fast, and how you treat the guys you reject will determine how the guys you like treat you, as well as how likely they are to approach you. Two minutes of polite conversation and smiles will do wonders for how approachable you seem in many environments.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionpleh, dont get me wrong when i say i am an attractive girl i don't mean i think i am absolutley gorgeous. i just mean as in im alright looking. i would never go into a club thinking im the best looking!! even if i do get talking to guys and things get flirty it just never seems to end with anything.
im not an over confident person. i mean i like having a good time when i go out and i am a naturally smiley cheerful person but guess at some point i will meet someone.
just got to be patient :(
and thanks benny boy i guess maybe if i just forget about meeting people and have a good time then someone will come along eventually.
thanks for the advice guys and marieclaire.
xx.
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A
male
reader, Pleh +, writes (25 July 2011):
As marieclaire said, joining societies at Uni is probably the best way to go about meeting people - especially ones with similar interests.
I have no idea how you act but I'll give you my personal opinion; I don't approach girls who are "stuck up" and overconfident. Don't get me wrong, confidence is a good thing and something that attracts people - but only up to a point. If you go out thinking you're the prettiest girl in the club (which may or may not be true) and flaunt around like you own the place just makes me turn my head. Not only would it be daunting for guys to approach you if you're that confident, it's something that I don't think appeals to many guys as the truth be told we want to feel more in control and more confident than a woman we're interested in.
Mind you, it's not the 1950s anymore. The world's grown up - women might just as often approach a man as they would get approached by a man. I know you said you don't have the confidence to, but try it sometimes. Practice it a bit. It's just as scary for a guy as it is for you! Maybe they simply don't have the confidence to get your attention and start a conversation with you.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, benny boy +, writes (25 July 2011):
Hi! From going out over the years I would say the most important thing to do (although it’s hard when you want top meet someone) is, try to put it to the back of your mind. People of the opposite sex can pick up on when people want to meet someone and in most cases, it seems less attractive/ less of a challenge. By this, I don’t mean play games or be hard to get, just be chilled out and casual. If a guy see’s a girl out that is having a good time, it comes across a lot more casual, relaxed and laid back, this kind of triggers something in a guys head that makes the girl seem more attractive (because the girl doesn’t look like she minds if she meets someone or not).
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