A
female
age
30-35,
*radsBabyGirl
writes:So my baby's daddy left me an broke my heart an he's dating an ugly chubby chick now. I'm 7 months pregnant and can't find a guy to date. Guys used to line up to date me but now I'm pregnant I'm getting rejected. How can I get a boyfriend? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Luverlee +, writes (19 January 2009):
Sweetie.. okay this is gonna sound mean but oh well reality check. So what if you're getting rejected?! i mean come on, you are pregnant. And thus since you are pregnant you have no need for a boyfriend at the moment. You have more important things to focus on... like your unborn child. so please try to keep that in mind when you're on the prowl for men. It's time to grow up and start getting prepared for you child.
A
female
reader, MutantKitten  +, writes (18 January 2009):
 I'm just trying to give her all the information out there, cos some people like to omit it...But there's one thing you should think about.Is wanting someone to love you the right reason to have a baby? Children deserve to grow up in a loving environment, yes, but they also deserve to have someone provide enough for them.Can you do that? Have you worked out all the costs? Diapers, food, clothes, doctors bills, etc. And children only get more expensive as they grow up.If you're deadset on raising this baby on your own, it's going to be an uphill battle. Are you in school? Are you planning on going to College or becoming an Apprentice? Do you already have a good job that will let you take maternity leave? Do you have someone to babysit?Trust me, once you're a successful mother, in school or working at a good job, guys will line up again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): Bradsbabygirl,
Nope, Brad is gone, and you aint a baby or a little girl anymore. You don't like the mean answers from people, sorry, but this you better get used to it, a underage pregnant girl who thinks a man can make things better make people upset. The reason many people here are angry with you is because we are all thinking about your little girl. You think she will love you forever, well she won't, if you start bringing strange men into her life she will start to disrespect you. Your father died, that is sad, but your not the only one, millions of girls have lost their father too. You make choices in life, you choose to have underage sex, you choose to have sex without a condom, you choose to have your baby. Your choices, your responsibility. Now you choose to come on an agony aunt line asking people how to find a guy when you are still pregnant.
The problem isn't finding a man, the problem is getting one to stay. To do that you have to get yourself in a better position. I know your lonely, probably bored, scared and frightened. A man won't help you with that at the moment. A man will just make things worse. You can probably find a man after the baby is born, he will have sex with you, and just like the last guy, he'll be scared of becoming a father and he will run away. You need to stick close to women, your mother should be your biggest support. Do what your mother says, she'll be horrified if she knew you were already thinking about dating whilst your still pregnant. Men do not solve problems, they can make things worst.
You will find that there are so many things you can no longer do. Just like you find it impossible to date, you will find all your girlfriends are too busy for you. You won't have any money, any sleep or any freetime. Why would a guy choose you instead of a girl who has no responsiblities and is free to go out anytime she wants. This is the truth of your situation. When you decided to get pregnant you left childhood behind. This is what it means to be an adult, welcome to the adult world.
Now this is not forever, so don't worry. Forget about men untill the baby is three, or somebody fantastic comes along. Don't sleep with anyone untill the prove that they love and adore your daughter. This is what she deserves, a strong, independant mother, who has all her attention focused on her. You can't be concentrating on your daughter if your also trying to build a relationship with a guy. In the meantime, education, education, education, that's what will get you out of this mess, and give your daughter the best chance in life. You must educate yourself and try to get yourself the best job you can. Education and your daughters welfare should be all that you concentrate on for the next three years. This is what will give you the ammunition to look down on assholes like us here, who judge you harshly.
You didn't have a father, so you think men are something that you need in life, and will solve all your problems. They don't, take a look on the other questions on Dear Cupid, see how many women are crying and suffering because of a man. Your daughter dosen't need all the drama in her life right now. You need to speak to your mother about making sure your baby's father pays your daughter every single penny that she should get. He may not want her, but he has to pay for her, you need that money, you need it to buy her clothes, sweets and toys. Make sure that he pays every single penny he can for her.
Stick close to your mother, find some good women freinds who will help you out, get to know other mothers, single ones if you can. Concentrate on giving your daughter what she needs, and a man will want you, he won't be crazy about her. Get yourself a good education and in a couple of years, she will be older and you can start dating again. Many young girls in your situation just go from man to man having children all over the place. The end up alone with all their children, dependant on funding for the government. We don't want this for you and we don't want this for your daughter, that's why we are harsh when we talk to you. You are now a mother, childhood is over, concentrate on what she needs, your needs are unimportant at this moment. Your baby needs you to concentrate on making her a safe, happy, home without the drama that a romantic relationship will bring. If you need cuddles, love and support, try to get them from other women, it's easier that way... Good luck to you and your baby.
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (18 January 2009):
from what i can tell i think you really want to have your baby girl. so the last poster probably was not a great help giving you info about abortion and adoption. you can only abort up to 24 weeks anyway. i may be wrong, but it is around there. anyway you don't need info on abortion, you need to concentrate on the real problems such as finance. if your ex does not pay up find leagal help and make him pay child support. he has to untill the baby is at least 16,18.
also make sure that your family and friends are going to be there to support you and help you out. forget finding a man for now, you don't need one. you and that baby are far more important then a random guy. like i said before a nice guy may come along later in life. no rush!
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A
female
reader, MutantKitten +, writes (18 January 2009):
Hey hon. I'ma try and write you a helpful answer.
It's understandable that you want your ex back, I'm sure you're scared right now.
Ignore these hurtful people. Your in a bad situation but you have to deal with where you are right now. So yes, a father figure IS important, but you've got some other things to take care of first.
Right now you have 3 options, all equally valid. (But they should all begin by going to Planned Parenthood!! They help pregnant girls out, and give you lots of information and support. Google it!)
1. Abortion. If it's right for you, don't let anyone tell you you're wrong. If you don't want this baby and/or can't provide for the baby, need this to go away to get on with studies/work, then go for it. Talk to Planned Parenthood!!!! They'll tell you everything you need to know.
2. Adoption. If you can't support the baby, or don't want it, this is a beautiful thing to do. There's lots of childless couples who would love your baby and provide for it well. This is an especially good idea if you think abortion is wrong. Seriously, there are couples all over the States praying for an adopted baby. Planned Parenthood helps with this too!
3. Keeping the baby. If this is what you want to do, you have to decide how you're going to support the baby.
- Are your parents able to support you? Can you still live with them? Will they help you out with paying for things for the baby? Will they babysit while you go to school or work? Will his parents help?
- Will you rely on child-support payments from your ex? The court can order him to help you pay if you're not together anymore, which should help you out, and make him rethink leaving. but if he's a deadbeat, it might be alot less than you think.
4. Will you be able to stay in school? Will you be able to get maternity leave if you're working?
Seriously girl, these are the things you have to pay attention to. Also, you gotta find yourself some better birth control. You can get free condoms, cheap birth control pills and lots of good advice at Planned Parenthood (I know I talk about the alot) so this doesn't happen again!!
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A
female
reader, BradsBabyGirl +, writes (18 January 2009):
BradsBabyGirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to the last two posters yall weren't a-holes about it its just hard I just want somebody to love my daughter an me but put my daughter before me an him both her daddy put himself first an I want my daughter to have the best I love my baby she'll love me when nobody else will
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A
male
reader, regggie +, writes (18 January 2009):
 we the same age dang but um most guys run away from responsablity in haven a kid one of em they know that gettin in volved with you gone mean the baby come to its a package deal in they dont want the on there hands advice dont worrie about guys right now just focuse on you in yo babie dont worrie about them cats, life doesnt let you run away from yo responsablity in u stepped up to yorz so when the right guy comes around he will 2
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A
female
reader, PunkyPippi +, writes (18 January 2009):
 My answer is the same- you need to show your baby that happiness is only found within yourself. Unfortunately you'll have to be the mother and father to your child, and you need to be strong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): Same answer, forget about men for the moment. Have your baby and learn to give her everything she needs. A guy who will run off just like her father did will be no use to her. Learn to stand on your own two feet, a mother who is independent and strong is all she needs.
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A
female
reader, BradsBabyGirl +, writes (17 January 2009):
BradsBabyGirl is verified as being by the original poster of the question@_@ I'm not lookin for sex seriously I know guys that wanna date me but not that are good for my daughter an to the mean people no I didn't try to trap him an she's my baby I'm going to raise her not my mom I'm not like most pregnant teens I actually want my baby she'll love me when everybody else hates me so thanks a-holes! I love my babys dad he's just immature an can't ignore my past I never had love growin up my dad killed himself so before you judge try askin why I want a bf I'm trying to move on I didn't have a dad growin up I want my daughter to have a father figure so do you have a better answer for me now?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): Young guys and men like women with self-respect. A desperate for sex pregnant chick doesn't really give off that vibe.
I feel sorry for your kid.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): Young guys and men, like virgins, not pregnant women who are desperate for sex...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): Babes, you really need to get your mind of sex and men. That's what caused all your problems. Your already pregnant and underage. Can't you live without a man, don't you have no respect for yourself. At least wait until the baby is born. Very few men want to date or have sex with a pregnant woman. I feel so very sorry for you, your morals are upside down. Your going to be a mother, start thinking about your baby and stop worrying about men. You'll be having sex again in a couple of months, but next time, please get the guy to wear a condom.....
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (17 January 2009):
no offence but no guy your age would probably be interested in dating a girl who is pregnant. they would rather be out having fun and doing things their age should be doing. ok there may be that really special guy who would stick by you, but the reality is harsh and they probably won't want to know. but then you shouldn't be worrying about bf's! you are having something far more special. a baby! that baby will be your life and will mean everything to you. concentrate on that. then you never know someone may come along later. you will find someone eventually...but right now i don't think boys your age would want to stick by a pregnant girl unless the baby was his. even then that's never a certainty. they just don't want the responsibility at that age. i always say if they don't want that responsibility then dont have sex!
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A
female
reader, PunkyPippi +, writes (17 January 2009):
Oh honey... at your age, there aren't going to be a lot of guys who want to be saddled with a pregnant girl. Plus, dating someone at this point is the least of your worries. Focus on your baby and your health.I know it's just natural to want that connection with someone right now, but it's just too complicated.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): BBG, is this a leg-pull? What guy your age, or any age, is going to ask you out right now? Just out of curiosity, did you use any kind of birth control? If not, why not? Did you intentionally get pregnant thinking it would "bind" ex-bf to you? Well, it did not work that way, did it? I am not trying to put you down, hon, but, there are certain realities all girls should know, but many never seem to learn. So now, your parents are going to be raising another baby, besides still raising you,.. probably when they were thinking that was behind them. And "grandma" will be the real mother, and you will be your own child's "older sister". That is what you will always be in its eyes, unless you make a big effort to grow up before your time and really make an effort to be a parent yourself. It will be a long time before you can do this...but, best wishes.
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