A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:If you loved someone and it didn't work out, would you always love them but in a differnt way even if it's not romantic any more? or would you just care!I'm having a hard time understanding as I'm 7 years younger than my partner, we have a daughter together but he was married for 4 years and together for 12 but they fought all the time, she abused him mentally and just down beat him as he wouldn't hit he back. When we frist met my guy and me, she went crazy after finding out about me and then when I was pregnant with our daughter he kept meeting with her to talk, to calm her down, he felt sorry for her or something. I didn't even know they were married till I was already pregnant and I loved him but he was filing for a divorce, moved out and left her everything. They have no children together and now he won't even talk to her or if she shows up he tells her to leave or he will call the police, it gets that bad but he says he don't feel sorry for her any more but that he will always love her in a differnt way and care because they were together so long. Is it really fair to me if he still loves her and cares about her? He says he wants to get married but it makes me not want to if he can't give his whole heart to me as I would him. I'm not trying to push him away, I love him to death, I want to be his wife, I just feel a bit cheated. I can't seem to understand. Any views and advice would be great. We'll have been together 2 years in March.
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female
reader, PunkyPippi +, writes (17 January 2009):
 I wish he could see how ugly his ex wife is and take it at that and forget about her, but they were together for so long--it sounds like maybe they were high school sweethearts, and young love that lasts into adulthood is bittersweet because it's something he still has from the time before he had to be a grown up.Yeah, he'll probably always love her, but it shouldn't interfere with your growing family. You can't turn feelings like that off right away. Once he has some distance from her, he should be okay. If he starts calling her and they start meeting up...that's a different story.
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