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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My twin sister's birthday and my birthday was coming up which would cost 10,000 dollars. I told my sister that we should not do the birthday thing, but use the money to do something more productive, since we are the least favored of all our father's children.My sister refused. We told our dad he promised to pay for our birthday.My sister then travelled to another state for a university programme. I told her I was going to deposit part of the payment for the hall which will cost over 4000 dollars at the moment. She said ok and I paid the sum of 1400 dollars. A week to the birthday our father said he was not now doing the birthday, which was very unfair because he celebrated the rest of his childrens birthdays for them.He even sent the sum of 10,000 dollars to my younger brother. I went back for a refund of my money they refused due to their policy. I told my sister that we should devise a means to get my money back from him, we did and when she saw that she could easily get the money for her self she refused to give me my money and said I should tell him about the money, that its none of her business. It's my money and my problem after I did this for her. After I did this, my father said its not his business. How unfair because my older step brother who is ,y father's favorite child spent his school fees and allowance for a year, and amount of almost a 100,000.My father gave him the money and thought we did not know. I am on my own in this world, no family, no friends. My father gave one daughter friend 3000 dollars and a son, my step brother, he gave him money for shopping, gave my older step-brother and sister 28100 pounds also for her birthday and other things. Is this fair,this money took me a very long time to get, months of saving all gone. I will never forgive anyone of them and I tell you I hate my twin sister with all of my heart and when I am no longer under this stupid man I call father,I do not want to see or hear from either of them.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 September 2012):
 You can request that he be equal to all his children all you want… it doesn’t have to happen. You asked “is this fair” and the answer is yeah it’s fair. It’s HIS CHOICE…
We can’t choose our relatives. WE can choose our family and friends. You do not want to see or hear from them then you do not have to.
Your response tells me that it’s not what you want. WHAT you WANT you can’t have. YOU WANT your DADDY to love you and your mommy to protect you… that’s not happening… so you need to separate from them. Your father is not a daddy. He didn’t treat you like a daddy treats his kids… He was a sperm donor even though he was there… and mom.. well my mom didn’t protect me from my dad either. She allowed him to abuse me as a child. I managed to forgive her long before she died… she did the best she could. As for my dad, he also did the best he could and I found peace and love with him as well although he’s not the best dad, he’s the best dad HE can be.
Your family does nothing to help you or protect you. You have a lot of anger (justified) and resentment with mom, dad, and siblings. I think that the suggestions in the other thread about getting therapy are great ideas. You need to work through this anger. You need to accept that you are not the only child to be raised in a dysfunctional family. Learn from it and grow from it and with it.
My fiancé has NOTHING to do with his family. His mom doesn’t even know we are getting married in 4 weeks…. There is NO harm in distancing yourself from toxic hateful people even if you share blood with them.
I stand by my original statement.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ a female reader 'so very confused'. I never stated he owes me anything maybe you should re-read my post. You cannot tell the taste of salt until you have tasted it. I only request him to act as an equal father to all of his children. All I want is a payback of my money its the least he can do.
Go to my other question maybe then you'd reason with me
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/toxic-father-and-less-than-optimum-mother-any.html
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (7 September 2012):
 Any spare money you do happen to acquire would be well spent on some therapy to build some resilence into your outlook. And to help you go forward in your life without being saddled with so much hurt from all you have suffered.
You have been subjected to some very Average parenting. Clearly your father has access to a high income. Though he has little respect for people. He has used people but he has also attracted women who have sought him out for his money. I wonder if you father even knows what love is. He certainly has no idea how to be parent.
Similarly the women he has attracted have been attracted to his money.
And your father is not above manipulating people using his money.
You can learn NO PARENTING skills from your father.
You can get NO SIBLING support and no empathy from your siblings.
Your mother seems to have also not resonated with you.
And you CANNOT LEARN GOOD FAMILY VALUES from your family as there is far too much emphasis on how much money can each sister or each brother get out of their father. This NO WAY to live.
This book will no doubt get you thinking if you read it:
Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
Because you do need to reclaim your life.
You can now start to build your skills through study and watching for good opportunities to build an entirely legitimate career. A career that will not bring you into contact with the types of Low Life girls your father seems interested in.
Once you are on your way in your career live wihin your means ONLY using the funds you earn yourself. Save at least 10% of everything you earn.
Truly people do not spend the huge amounts on their birthday parties. If you think this is normal then you need to get out more and walk amongst real normal people.
Real people fix a meal, decorate a cake and phone up the people they love to come on over and join them.
Real people do not parade unsavoury people in front of their children.
Once your father starts seeing his children leave his realm he may find that he dies as a lonely old man, surrounded only by women of questionable morals who only want to be near him for the money that he may give them if they do exactly as he asks. That is NO way to live. But perhaps it is all your Dad deserves?
When you get out into the real world you may also discover that lots of people are not completely fixated on how much money they can extract from others.
Money is not love.
Very often money is just used a manipulative tool to use people.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 September 2012):
yep it's fair honey... just because you are a child does not mean that as an adult daddy owes you anything.
In my world, my FAMILY are the people I CHOOSE to be with.
my RELATIVES are the folks I am blood related to.
just walk away from the toxic people you do not wish to have contact with but know then that they won't be there for the good times either...
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