A
female
age
41-50,
*ardia
writes:I know this is a huge generalized question, but how long does it really take a guy to decide what he's doing in a relationship? We've been exclusive for a year. There are things we understand about each other that neither of us thought anyone could. I adore him and I know he loves me. But I get this feeling that he's scared he's in too deep and doesn't know what he's doing. I know everyone questions where they are at times, but he just seems to hold back so much. He panics when I get upset about something and begs me to be verbally open with him. But he can't hardly say how he feels about me without it freaking him out. Do I just continue to let this play out, or do I need to take some kind of action? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2011): Well, he's only 24. He still has a lot of growing up to do. That is very young for a guy to commit... plus with you being an older woman, sure he could be questioning what he's doing. It is likely you're at different points in life, even though you don't have much relationship experience either.
Your only two choices, as I see them, are to be patient and wait for him to "calm down" or to take action in the form of ending the relationship. I think you may be expecting too much out of a 24 year old.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 November 2011):
 You have both been together for a year now, which is long enough to start asking him where does he see the relationship going and if he is serious about it. Don't start asking him about marriage or children or it will freak him out but you deserve to know where you stand with him.
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (3 November 2011):
bardia is verified as being by the original poster of the question He's 24. This is MY first relationship @ 35. This is the longest he's ever been in a relationship and I'm just asking for insight so I don't push him away from being needy. This could go either way & I'm just treating it delicately. And I'm trying to learn just how much to ask or discuss with him without nagging about the future. So helpful, understanding insight into this is appreciated.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (3 November 2011):
 Stop asking us questions about this and ask him all your questions. At 35-40, he should be grown up enough to handle it. It's called manhood. If he runs and hides or evades the questions; he's a boy.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (3 November 2011):
I guess he is scared to admit his commitment and love to you. Maybe he is scared of getting hurt, or maybe he is just scared that you are moving to fast together. Yes you need to talk to him about this. Just be straight to the point with him and tell him your worries about him. Just ask him straight out what he wants.
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