A
male
age
30-35,
*aliber
writes:Hi,I know it might seem a bit ironic me asking this question, but i'll ask anyway :PBasically, some of my friends are going through some rough times, mostly with girls and stuff like that. Things haven't been working out for them, so obviously they want to talk about it with me to comfort them and stuff.Now I have no issue with that, but its been going on for at least a year now, with 3 of my friends constantly liking someone, getting frustrated, getting with them, and then it finishing and they become all "depressed" etc. You can imagine what the conversations are like, me giving them advice and they saying things like "I dont know what to do" and "you dont know how I feel right now".Im a helpful person by nature, and I like to give them as much advice as I can. But when its literally every conversation for hours on end I get sick of it, especially when its more than one person.How can I deal with this without seeming like I dont care? I do care, its just theres only so much I can take, I dont want to be dragged into their misery constantly.Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (3 November 2011):
 Mmm, if they're having this difficult of a time now, they had better invest in therapists for when they're having to make it in the real world.
I would gently tell them, while you're hear as a shoulder to cry on, they're drenching your shirt. While you love them and are there for them, you're not their therapist. Encourage them to speak to an older sister, mother, other friends, or even post on this site, so that they're given a multitude of advice and other shoulders to lean on (than just you).
Without knowing the fine details, I'm going to take a stab at it and say that your friends sound like they're continuously making the same mistake when it comes to guys. Whether they're attracted to this one type, too clingy or needy, or whatever mistake they're making, I'd look at each one and try to pinpoint what they're doing wrong. They can either take your advice and run, or be mad at you for trying to solve their repetitive problems.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 November 2011):
 Off course you don't as a friend you should be there for them for advice, which is great but if it is constant well then it is not fair on you and it does bring your mood down. I guess you just need to either be straight with them and say look you care about them as a friend but the negativity is bringing you down, or else you could always go for the easier option and say look we are going on a lads night out and there is to be no mention of any girls names or deep conversation. Make a rule that its going to be all about fun and nothing else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011): This happened to me too. The only thing I could fine to fix the problem was to try and spend as much time busy and away from my friends as possible, especially hiding out in the gym because they didn't have a membership....until they got a little less irritating. I was afraid that if I had to listen to anymore I would snap and say something terrible.
So I guess make sure you have plenty of breaks from them, or try and arrage something fun and distracting for them to do when you do have to see them, like a concert or a movie so you don't have the opportunity to talk. Hopefuly they will slowly start to get a bit better and back to their old selves. If you are concerned that it is more serious than that, and that they might be depressed, maybe recommend that they visit a proper councillor? tell them you haven't got the answers and would feel more comfortable if they saw a professional. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011): This sounds like me and my friends. They always cry to me about their problems, but as soon as i have a problem they are way too busy with their boyfriends to answer my calls/texts.
So test them, are these friends really worth your energy? Go to them with a problem.
Also, tell them how you feel. Tell them that constantly talking about it is actually making you depressed and it would be good for both of you to talk about something different to get your mind of things. If your a helpful person, who is always there for friends, im sure they;.'ll understand if you say that once :)
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