A
male
age
41-50,
*ennyNoName123
writes:Dear Readers,Thank you so much for reading this..My girlfriend and I have been on a long distance relationship for over 2 years now. I met her when I was studying aboard in Japan, and after my term has ended at that school, I came back to the US while she stayed their.We have been doing good, I go to visit her about 3x a year and I would always stay with her family's house. The most recent time that I have went back to visit her was in January this year. I met her grandparents and her family during the new years, and everything was going great. My girlfriend is currently 21 years old, and she is doing her job hunt in Japan. She has told me before I came back to the US that she will be very busy searching for a job.. since she want it to finish it as soon as possible, so that we can meet again in July. Her Background: My girlfriend tends to get stressed out very easily, and would always try to make everything perfect. She has some kind of illness that she wouldn't tell me what it is.. since she would always take some kind of pill before every meal, and she would also go get her blood checked once a week. After she has started her job hunting, she has gone to the doctor more often, even though she tells me everything is going well, but I know she is not.Problem: Everything started in march (Now August), she told me she will be very busy because her job hunting is not going well, but she will keep me updated on her current situation. I tried my best to give her the support that she needs and try to be as understanding as possible. I send her care packages once a month, and always try to email her daily by giving her the cheers and support that would help her through her tough time. The emails from my girlfriend came back less and less. We would exchange emails maybe 4-5x a week and by June, it was maybe 2x a week. I would call her and try to see if she is doing ok, but due to the time difference it is very hard to do so. I gave her a call, and she would never answer. Even though I would leave a message, she never replies, and just writes that she is too busy. The last time we talked on the phone was in February.I know my girlfriend would never cheat one me, because I know she is a good girl in her heart. When we are together, everything seems to be going so well. She would always cry when we are in the airport, and she would always tell me she cant wait the next time we meet. During our 2 year anniversary in June, I have send my girlfriend a present, a message card, and some other things. I didn't receive anything in return from her, and even though she replied a email to me saying that she is thankful for the gift and that she will keep it close to her, she didn't mention anything about our 2 year anniversary. I was very depressed about this result, and thought it is over between us, but I would like to wait and see.Recently: July was maybe the worst time of my life. I heard from my girlfriend maybe twice the whole entire month. I went on a trip with a couple of my friends (incl girls). I would always upload the pictures for her to see, and I would always tell her that I wish she is their with me. After I have send her the pictures in that mail, I didnt hear back from her for 3 weeks. I send her emails and left voice messages on the phone telling her that if she got angry at the pictures I took with those girls, I will apologize. I also told her if I am bothering her too much, I will also apologize and leave her alone. No replies. At that moment, I didn't know what to do. I left a voice message stating that if she is having problem with me, we can talk about it and try to find a solution, and even breaking up is an option if she wants to. She didn't reply.July was seriously a tough time for me. I was not only depressed, but I was so worried for her. I wanted to visit her, but I also don't want to bother her, and making her angry. My work doesnt give us that many vacation days, and I wanted to save it when she has told me she has finished her job hunt so I can go and visit her. I wrote a email to her sister (we are good friend's) asking how she is doing, but she also didn't reply...Just when I thought everything is over and that she will just disappear from my life, she wrote a email to me saying "Thank you for the package you have send me. My family and I really enjoyed it". I have send her a care package (including ice cream, and roses) back in July because I thought since it is summer time, it might help her and make her feel better. I was truly shocked that she wrote me only 2 sentences, even though I have sent her emails regarding to if she is doing ok or not, and many voice mails to tell her that we got to talk since this is not working out for me. What is worse is that the return email chain that she used to reply is the email where I said "Happy anniversary" to her. I really dont know what to think anymore.On the networking website that we both use, we are both still connected as boyfriend and girlfriend (mine and her's), and she goes on it everyday (she you can see when is the last time someone signs on). I dont know what the situation is about.. but the pact that I made with her is that I would not break up with her, and if she would like to break up, she is the one that can do it. Question: Please let me know what is you opinion about my situation.I dont want to forget about her because of all of the great times we have spent together, but logically, it is very damaging to myself as well.Update: Her sister has actually emailed me back and told me that she is happy because she can do well on her recent job interviews, and that her and her father will go on a trip together this week.
View related questions:
anniversary, depressed, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): I have been in a LDR for 2 years similar distance involved for me too and I have to say I don't think you could have treated your girlfriend any better - you sound amazingly thoughtful and caring. It is very hard because if you are anything like me you hang on every bit of contact. I think your girlfriend is taking your love and kindness for granted. This may sound difficult to do but I think its time for you to pull away a bit and see what happens. If she wants you she will 'wake up' and think .... hey he has not contacted me for a bit whats going on?! She will either be concerned or not bothered at all. I think this will tell you a lot about her feelings, her reaction, but you need a plan of action for YOU irrespective of the relationship because she is certainly not putting her needs aside for yours. Do you have Skype? You may tell more from actually seeing her (albeit through a screen) as body language may give more away. Failing that it would be a surprise trip to see her? (expensive). I hope this helps. You need to address the balance in your life and be a little more selfish first. This is consuming your life at the expense of your other goals and aspirations.
A
female
reader, worriedgal  +, writes (9 August 2009):
Hi Kenny, seems like you're in a bit of a different situation to most long term relationships. I see there are two reasons for whats happening, either she is genuinely busy and really has no time for you- if this is the case then she needs to tell you this or...and you may not want to hear this but she may have someone else over there and just doesn't want to hurt your feelings so will send you the odd email and tell you she will keep your gift close to your heart.
Now Kenny you sound like an honest, polite and since young man. You shouldn't have any troubles getting girls in the states or wherever you are from, my advice to you is let her know how you are feeling and that you think things just arent working out, give her the option of telling you how she feels and if she doesnt reply....sadly its time to move on.
No one says you have to forget her or stop caring, it just means you have to put her to the back of your mind and carry on with life....she may not be the one for you and the more time you spend with anyone who is sending mixed signals like she is...the less time you have to spend with your soul mate.
Find out whats going on...and if you dont hear anything back...move on my friend.
...............................
|
