A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, I need some advice. The thing is that every time I want to be mates with a guy they always end up asking me out and I hate this. When they ask me out I say no or whatever and then our friendship seems to always end there and I can't be the same with them again. This has happened with every one of my guy mates and so it means I don't have any male friends at all. How can I make sure this doesn't happen and that I can be friends with guys? Should I talk to guys about it earlier like when I've just got to know them? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 July 2007):
 So you say you're average. I'm sure this is not the way males see you. Maybe your looks are "average", if that exists, but I bet there's something about you.
A
female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (18 July 2007):
 I agree with penta too and I'm taking that advice as well. I have the same problem ! I hate getting bad vibes because they feel rejected or some can't even carry out seeing me when I used to love all the time we used to hang out together. It may be that you're looking for male company and you found a specific way to deal with it to make it successful: I mean by that turnign a blind eye to all the flirting signs on both parts. Could that be possible? If not, there are always a lot of gay guys who cold make seriusly good girlfriends!!
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (18 July 2007):
 The glib answer to your dilemma is: Start hanging out with gay males. There is little chance you'll be hit upon in this circle.
Seriously though, why is male companionship so important to you? Is there something a guy pal can provide that a girlfriend can't?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): Thanks guys for your advice. The thing is that I know I'm not giving them any signals and leading these guys on but I should try to see how it's coming across to them more, from their point of view. Also I don't think I'm very good looking/very good to be around, I'm more just average/ok looking and an ok person to be around, so I don't see why things always turn out the same with a lot of them. Anyway thanks loads!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (18 July 2007):
Again, penta is giving very good advice. I just disagree with her about the "body language". I think there's more to it. You know, if EVERY male friend falls for you, the obvious answer is, you're extremely attractive. And this doesn't have to do only with "body language". Maybe you're extremely pretty? Maybe you're a very kind, caring girl, a wonderful person to be with? That seems to be the case.
As to "procedure", I wouldn't give up wanting to have male friends. I agree again with penta in saying that you shouldn't say anything at the beginning. Once you notice the "early signs", however, be very direct. Say you don't want anything but a friendship, period.
A few more words of caution. I know adorable girls have all sorts of bad guys around them. Sometimes, a good guy does come to you, for the right reasons. Don't make the mistake of thinking this one guy is responsible for what every other male has done. Maybe the word "responsible" is too much here; maybe the man simply fell in love?
What will happen if you develop a long-term friendship with a male, and he eventually falls for you? Would you say he'd be just another male who misinterprets you?
Take care. You're not to blame for being adorable.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (18 July 2007):
 Before they even get the chance to ask you out i think you should be upfront right from the off maybe. If you don't feel you are going to have any feelings for them then stipulate that this can never go beyond anything more than a casual friendship. If they don't want to know you after you have said this then you have to question whether they are worthy of your friendship in the first place.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (18 July 2007):
 I wouldn't say anything to them at the beginning -- you'll come off as conceited ("every guy always falls in love with me so be on your guard" doesn't have a nice ring to it, and I know it's not what you mean).
You might want to step back and watch yourself for a while. What is your body language like? It's possible that you feel so close with your mates that you're sending the wrong signals -- if every one of them has the same reaction to you, the ONE thing these situations have in common is YOU.
You have to act physically like a guy acts (they don't sit close to each other, they don't touch or brush up against each other even by accident, they don't look directly into each other's eyes). If you want to be "one of the guys" you have to adopt their body language. Acting like a girl will get you treated like a girl.
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