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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi all... I have a question for EVERYONE on this site... especially the men.I just broke up with a jerk whose very thought makes my blood boil. About 18 months ago, I was going through a very difficult emotional time. That is when I met this moron - who I MUST add is NOT my type and frankly, I am way over his league. Knowing that I was going through a bad time and a dificult break-up, this guy pursued me till he got me to be with him. I hate to even think of all the things he said to me back then because I learnt that everyword he said was a fu**** lie. He would shower me with the nicest of gifts, plan wonderful surprises for me and treated me like a queen. Soon enough, I bagan to fall for his tricks and finally totally gave into him. And, now, 18 months after, the bastard has the nerve to tell me that he cannot get over the hurt I put him through by crying on his shoulders for my ex. He says its just not something he can forget and accept me. I mean, I wouldn't have given him a second thought... if it wasn't for his constant begging and confessing his love for me... and a suicide attempt too!!! And turns out that he was lying all along about his ex whom he dumped for me when she was pregnant. So, tell me guys... did he just want me to satify his ego? How can someone who was ready to kill himself suddenly fall out of love or make up some dumb reason to not take a relationship further?
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female
reader, ThePixie +, writes (10 July 2006):
 Erm..if he's the kind of guy that would tell you he dumped his pregnant ex for you (even if it wasn't true), what on earth were you doing with sucha loser to begin with? I would have read that as the kind of indicator of personality I want to stay away from.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2006): There's something I've learnt, emotionally damaged people are incapable of "real" love - try not to judge his actions against your own ethics because you will never be able to find resolution in your mind about why he could have pursued this relationship and then did that to you.
A simple fact is, people have vastly different ways of acting and behaving and when you get together with someone who is very different to yourself situations like this are sooner or later inevitable.
You sound very bitter about this, understandably he has hurt you but it is important to try and stop trying to understand his behaviour, and accept that things did not work out for you. Try and think of any positives you got from the relationship, even if it is just experience in knowing who *NOT* to date.
As DrPsych rightly says - his behaviour is an indication of poor self esteem which thus produces his victim mentality - you say you are way over his league, so pick yourself up from this and avoid similar guys in the future.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2006): Hi... I'm the poster of this question.The suicide attempt was a long time ago and we are both past it now. I mentioned it because I wanted to emphasize on how much he loved me. We had a beautiful relationship after we sorted out all this mess. And he has been quite reasonable, understanding and very caring as long as we were together. What bothers me is the fact that it is so easy for him to want to break-up after all that we went through together. We had fights in the past too and we always found a way to sort them out. Now, it seems to me that he has found another job with more money in another country and that's why he wants to break up and that is why he is making all these excuses. You are right, tonsta... I was never too good for him. I shouldn't have said that. I guess I was really angry when I decided to put that on the question.
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female
reader, dancing_boo  +, writes (5 July 2006):
 I think you have answered your own question there my dear:"That is when I met this moron - who I MUST add is NOT my type and frankly, I am way over his league"But as tonsta mentioned, there is no league...just your mind set of what you deserve.You sound as though you was at a vulnerable point in your life, and he curbed your loneliness. He sounds as though he needs a friend to be there for him, and im not quite sure if you can be that person.If he irrates you, that not good. Stay clear as you are feeding him with confusing vibes.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (5 July 2006):
 You maybe angry about the relationship, but he sounds like a very mixed up young man who needs help if he truely is attempting suicide. You may feel hateful towards him, but clinical depressives are very manipulative and people with a personality disorder persistently lie and cheat to get what they want - they don't see it as 'wrong' because their brains are not wired up the same way and they lie to get what little comfort they can from the situation. If he is very emotional about the break up then it is a sign that he has little ego at all really...he has poor self esteem and by making you feel bad then he is able to construct himself as the 'victim' which maybe a satisfying place to be if you are depressed and want to tell yourself that everyone else is responsible for your happiness, and that feeling low is legitimate. It also deflects blame away from himself for the relationship breakup. You should break off communication with this guy - you are feeding him the attention he thinks he needs if he is able to beg for you to come back and then say how much you hurt him. It reinforces his distorted view on the world by your rejection. It does neither of you any good in the long run so terminate the relationship. If he cannot obsess about you and how you have, in his eyes, ruined his life then he maybe faced to address the real issues here which are related to the state of his mental health.
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male
reader, tonsta +, writes (5 July 2006):
sometimes people can forget the past maybe he still thinks you have feelings for your ex have you asked him the exact problem? i mean for someone to nearly commit suicide becasue of you must mean he really likes you! Im sorry i dont agree with "i am well over he's league" because i beleive everyone is equal, one person finds someone beautifull while another will find that person ugly so there is no league as such. maybe he didnt think it was going to be what it was like he could of visioned a life with you completly different than what it was you need to sit down and ask him! hope this helps and it all works out!
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