A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:SORRY THIS IS LONG I AM VERY WORRIED PLEASE PLEAsE HELP ME. Need to explain..I accepted a friend request on FB from a male work colleague. Stupid I know please dont hate on me and I shouldn't have I know, I hate myself for it!! please I'm a little nervous, I am gay female and am worriedI have learned my lesson about FB believe me.. (He doesn't work directly with me, I don't see him every day,but when I do he does come to my area 3-5 times a day and it requires brief interaction, and at times short conversation, he is well known at work and generally liked and agreeable, therefore my accepting his request)Innocent enough, I thought.. I am friends with a few work colleagues on FB, including 1 male, about 5 mins after friending me.. in an IM message..he then told me: he found me accidentally, he was glad he found me on fb, he liked me used creepy, ?obsessive language such as "you are AWESOME,COOL intelligent,different unique,classy, I LIKE YOU (IN CAPITAL LETTERS) and repeated he liked me 3 -4 times,(like word in capitals) and that he was too shy to friend me on FB before, etc etc that I was amazing..etc. and he asked me out for coffee, "ok so we should do coffee" I then told him in an IM message Im not COOL, but thanks, I was dating someone (im not but I was scared and said that) I am FB friends with a few work people and I try to be friendly to all at work, (I'm queiter but I do try to be professional, say hi etc) and thanks anyway, but I keep work and life separate, he initially said Ok "we will be fb friends, I am happy with that" but then went on a few mins later, with his phone number!.. saying "don't be awkward when you see me," and then he liked me and "he likes it when he sees me at work" and that "we should go for coffee ok, if not I understand and I will leave you be"I then said, for the second time... that I am seeing someone, work and life are separate, and that he made me uncomfortable and please stop, no more! then he said "ok" and stopped Im messageing me. I unfriended/blocked him after, maybe 45 mins and didn't hear from him before that on FB IM before this.. He is quite popular, a little awkward and shy, with a hot temper, I am worried he may bad mouth me, start gossip, or be nasty about me unfriending him,as he has buddies in my area. he made me really scared, I was very scared, he didn't listen!and kept asking! what if he cant get over this?I have a week off now but will see him next week after I go back to work. he's an ok guy at work I did not encourage him! I say hi to all people make small talk but now I will be purely professional with him, say hi, act, like things are usual, and NOT bring it up, but if he does... and he may, I don't now how angry he will be or if he will even speak to me! he may be rude or ignore me.of course if he is rude or aggressive I will tell my boss, or higher ups, but I need to see how he reacts first! wait and see.Should I to him if he asks me why I unfriended him "that work and my life are separate and he made me uncomfortable me so I unfriended him.. Im sorry if this offended him" and that "Im going to be professional and want to put this behind me?" help how should I treat him? professionally as said, be cool and not awkward, don't know his history.. think he may be obsessing....I am also a gay female (and not I cant be out at work!!)so sorry not into guys and definitely don't date anyone at work help please thankyou
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at work, my boss, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2015): OP it's not about you being at fault or leading him on! He liked you so took a shot at asking you out. I really don't understand your level of panic or the idea that he's a big, bad, scary man for showing an interest! He didn't know you were gay, he asked you out and when you told him he was making you feel uncomfortable he stopped messaging you. So why all the drama? Surely you have been asked out before?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 May 2015):
 I think you are suffering from some level of social anxiety here. I truly believe you are making a mountain out of a molehill.
He asked. You said no. He asked again you said NO.
end of discussion.
keep it professional at the office and civil and all should be FINE... don't go looking for trouble where none exists.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 May 2015):
 Stick to your plan that you will stay professional and just gauge his reactions.
Some people can't take a no. This is one of those people. But whether he can take it or not, you have to STICK to your guns.
If he asks, then yes tell him, YOU made me uncomfortable and I rather have to work and personal life private. NO more. You don't OWE him any LONGER explanation then that. DO NOT apologize to him. YOU did nothing WRONG. You turned him down is all.
MAKE sure ALL your setting, pictures and so forth are set on high privacy setting on your FB.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2015): this is poster
I didnt lead him on
surely saying i dont mix work & social life should be enough
yes i should have said "no" but seriously its not my fault
im a gay woman, sooo no!
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (13 May 2015):
I think you should do exactly what you said, keep it professional and if he asks say you don't mix business with pleasure. I also very much doubt that he'll bad mouth you as that would involve telling people you rejected him which isn't something people tend to broadcast.
I have to say though OP, nothing that you've written suggests he's someone to be scared of or that he's obsessed with you so I think you're worrying unnecessarily. Using language like saying someone is cool or awesome and that they like seeing you is the type of thing most guys say when they ask you out. He's trying to be charming and flatter you, not freak you out. Sure he should have accepted your no straight away, but asking a second time isn't the worst crime in the world. After all you didn't say you weren't interested, you said you were dating someone so maybe he thought that meant he was in with a chance if it didn't work out with the other person?
Honestly, I really don't think you need to worry or be scared. A guy paid you a few compliments then asked you out and you said no - that's all.
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