A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So this is another one of those boy problems. As much as I want it to NOT bother me, as much as I want to not pay attention to it, it keeps popping up in my mind. :/So my friend (call her X ) was dating a guy (let's call him Z ) who has a best friend (Y).X and Z were a couple, but she was extremely close to Y as well. She suggested that I get to know him and effectively tried to set me up with him. It worked in getting me to completely change my mind about him. We connected on so many beautiful levels, and we've gotten so close. We talk about anything and everything, even random philosophy, debating, and intellectual bantering along with casual conversation.Imagine my surprise when she started dating him a week after trying to get me and Y together, just a few days after she and Z broke up. She is good natured, I know. She's an intrinsically good person. She asked me if she could date Y, and I was slightly shocked and dazed, and realized that since they were already doing lovey dovey things, and I was obviously not getting that from him, I said sure.Now it's about four weeks later, he and I are getting closer, and their relationship is falling apart. I don't know what I want, but I just want to know if I should feel guilty for us talking so much, and if I should go for him if they do break up given the history of it.
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male
reader, HerBest1 +, writes (20 May 2012):
I too say that you shouldn't feel guilty for TALKING so much with him and enjoying his personality. You took her advice and gave him another look and then you saw things you didn't see before.....great and it seems you really started to 'like' him. Now, since he immediately starting 'dating' X so quickly then its obvious that he really liked her and we know she thought highly of him because she recommended him to YOU! Now, she did the best thing. She treasured her relationship with you and acted in a very mature, thoughtful, kind and considerate way towards you by ASKING you if it was OK for her to date Y. That is a real friend. Be careful to not hurt her or treat her badly because she sounds very mature for her age. So, best thing to do is cool it with Y. Enjoy the new friendship, but be SURE to keep it on the FRIENDS only level. These types of relationship start ups have the potential to being DYNAMITE ready to blow and have wrecked many of GREAT friendships between the same sex friends. I speak from being in the SAME situation. My friend asked me when I had fallen for this girl, then she broke off a long term relationship (over 2 years and we were seniors in H.S. at the time) and we started dating. I immediately realized she wasn't anything I was interested in. She tried to get me to have sex w/her and that did it. I wanted to give that to my wife and then realized she wasn't anything I was looking for. SO my best friend had broken up with one of her friends while I was dating her and so when he saw I was not into her he called her and then he had that same talk with me....he asked if, well 1st off, he asked if I was not interested anymore, and I wasn't. Then he asked if it would be ok if he pursued her and asked her out. I gave him my total blessings and I felt really honored to have been treated that way. That was really nice. Funny how I came to actually not be able to stand her. She irritated me so much, not that she tried but just HER...her being...her personality just rubbed me so wrong! I wish you well.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 My answer to question no. 1 is : maybe just a little.
Meaning, in theory no, you guys are just talking because you have common interests, you are all friends , he does not have a problem with talking to you, his girlfriend does not have a problem either with him doing that, at least that you mention, so it's all cool, you are not MAKING them break up, they will break up or not regardless. But, the point is that you don't JUST like the guy as a friend, you like him and want him for yourself, - the motivations for your interest are not purely philosophical and intellectual. Therefore , it would show more class ,and more friendship , well not to avoid the guy like the plague but to back off a bit in this rocky moment of his relationship .
As for question N. 2 ,uhm. Probably not. Regardless of all the philosophical debate, he never pursued you as dating material, in fact he jumped at the chance to date your friend the moment she was free, it does not sound as if he is massively into you. If you get together , it may be a rebound for him, or at least you may feel as if you are a rebound.
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