A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey im a young girl and have been in a relationship just over a year. i got pregnant by my boyfriend in january this year because we werent financially stable and hadnt been seeing each other too long we decided to have a termination. everythin was fine after though i did have guilty feelings. we used condoms and i was on the pill to make sure it didnt happen again until we were ready. But somehow and i really dont have a clue i got pregnant again 2months after. This time i thought i cant stand to do that again to a baby and to my body but my boyfriend decided no it wasnt what he wanted. i didnt want to be a single mum and so again i had a termination. its been the worst year of my life i cant get over what iv done and i cry a lot of the time and im now really wanting to have a baby single or not i used to be very career and independent now im a wreck! how can i get over this horrible guilt all i think about is my babies! im still with my boyfriend and we often talk about our babies as if they were really here! someone help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): I understand your pain and know exactly what you're going through. My boyfriend and I had an abortion exactly a year ago, followed by another one three months later. It is very easy to get pregnant following an abortion, and although we thought we were being safe, I was confused and felt so guilty to find out I had made the same mistake again. I just found out yesterday I'm pregnant again. A year has passed since my first abortion and I'm finally ready for this child. I am 6 weeks, and the baby is fine. While I felt remorse and guilt for the first abortion, especially the second, I know we made the right decision and I'm now excited (and a little scared) to be having a child. You will be able to have children when the time is right. Stay strong and good luck.
A
female
reader, linny  +, writes (17 January 2010):
I had an abortion a few months ago, I was 9 weeks pregnant and I thought I was doing the right thing, after all, as I was constantly told by people who THOUGHT they knew what was best for me, I already had 2 teenage daughters, I was 39 years old (as if that's positively pre-historic) and there was finances ,lack of roomspace, sleepless nights etc etc to consider. As you can probably detect in my tone, I feel very bitter about it now, and I hate myself for listening to other people and worrying about what others would think. Now, looking back, I regret my actions and I want a baby so badly, but I feel that if I have the contraceptive coil removed, I won't conceive again, and that it was my one beautiful chance to have what can only be described as a miracle. I am crying as I am typing this out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): I am in a similar situation. i had an abortion last april. at the time i thought i was doing the right thing but now i regret it and feel that i want a baby. i dont know if its because something so precious was taken away from me. i know having a baby isnt the way out but sometimes it feels like it would help. i think it takes time to get over an issue like this. i seen a councellor but only for a day and i didnt go back. i would like to be in touch with people who have been through what i went through so i can speak my feelings. anyone??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): I had 2 abortions with my ex boyfriend within our first year of being together. The first time I had got pregnant I was in the process of going through a divorce with my ex husband. So when I found out I was pregnant just a month of being with my new boyfriend I was scared I wanted to keep the baby but my ex boyfriend layed the bigest guilt trip on me that he possibly could about his parents health and how this would kill them and so fourth so I went through with it cried at the dr's office cried after it was done and still five years later i think about it. I don't know if you believe in god but if you do all I can say is ask for forgiveness and try your hardest to let it go we all do things for whatever reason at that time but I will say please learn from your experiences and all your regrets cause I found out that I was recently pregnant and even though me and my boyfriend now where not financlly stable and have only been together for 6 months never once did he even give it a second thought about giving this baby up which meant the world to me cause I had already gave up 2 baby's for a man I thought loved me no matter what and it got me no where cause I stilled lost this baby that I wanted so much and everyday I will blame myself because I willingly gave up 2 before. Just understand you will never fully be financlly ready for a baby and someone will try to say now is not a good time but what I've relized is if a man loves you and you love him then if it happens that you get pregnant then it is the right time. Cause I already had 2 kids before the abortions and this pregnancy and I was not financlly ready nor even as some would say old enough to have kids but at 18 years of age I did it just fine and then at 21 years of age did it again just fine. So if you want kids let nature take its course and when you do become pregnant please don't waste time on going to the doctor like I did and end up still losing what you have longed to have.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (19 September 2007):
 sometimes, its not easy but i have too gone through this and i fel guilty even though it was a year ago. due to circumstances it feels like you have committed a crime against humanity but you did what you beleived to be right at the time and you need to greive. i know its sound stupid but its like a death, i may not have had any ashes or a service but i planted a tree for my unborn foetus and when i feel sad i speak to it, i remembe the good times with my ex and i know being young, one day i'll have a baby of my own.
best wishes.
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female
reader, crazyhouse +, writes (19 September 2007):
Hi
I know what you are going through this happened to me and it was very difficult the hardest thing i ever done in my life. Now I have a beautiful baby boy but not a day goes past that i dont feel the guilt, but when you decide the time is right and you have your child it will ease the pain and the guilt you feel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): Hi, I can completely sympothise with what you are going through because the same happened to me.Terminating a baby is a hard choice, but you made this choice because it was the best thing for you to do at the time.The mental torture that comes with the descission you cannot prepare for and longing for a baby after is completely normal. Personnally I think there should be more support after a termination than currently provided - which in my case was none.I remember coming round, lying on the hospital bed sobbing my heart out and hearing all the girls around me doing the same. I went on my own and told knowone not even the father till it was all over. It was my body, my choice, I knew if I had told the father then i would feel more guilty than I already did. You are much braver than me for being so honest with your partner.I dont know how far you were into the pregnancy when you terminated but each day that passes makes it harder.You shouldn't feel guilty and I think talking to somebody proffessional might help, I wish I had. I also think that you may be slowing your healing process down by speaking of your pregnancis as though they were children.There is nothing you can do now and you have to let go as hard as that may seem now, it does get easier. I suppose it is a little like grieving a loss in the family, except you are the only one grieving and the only people that only those that have experienced this can understand.The only word of advise I can give is ride it out, dont get pregnant to conpensate and please look into more reliable methods of contraception. Please get back in touch with me if there is anything you would like to know about my feelings and experiences. I do understand.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): Hunny,
Stop feeling this guilt, I dont like talking about this but I feel you need someone older who has been through what you have been through to talk to, I to had a termination at 16 my parents where doing the right thing for me.. And again a little later in life for health reasons now I no the pain you are going through, But sweetheart you canot replace a baby with another one to help the grief you are going through right now...
And thats what is happening to you, we all make decitions in life that we wish we could take back hunny its not always the way we want things to be its all about learning, Sweetheart dont let anyone judge you its for no one to, This is very personal to the woman and I feel you need to see a councellor for your depression as thats what is going on...Talk to someone who will be able to reasure you and get all the help you need. Take time love to think
You dont want to be a single mother you want to wait untill the time is right and hunny its not now believe me please...Not when you've got all these issues ive been there. Please go and see someone and talk and you can message me anytime to chat, I will help as much as I can PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU LOTS OF LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (19 September 2007):
 First I want to say you are not alone. What you're experiencing is normal. Having a pregnancy terminated doesn't prepare you for the mental issues you develop because of your actions. Having these terminated is a traumatic experience, and can sometimes be even more harmful mentally than being molested or even raped.
I'm not going to judge or get into a huge debate about what's right or wrong. I'm sorry you are going through this, and I really don't have the answers. What I do recommend is seeking help. Go to counseling with someone who is trained in dealing with traumatic disorders, such as post traumatic stress disorder. I would also recommend joining a group of others like yourself who are dealing with what you are. Being part of a group, sharing ideas, hearing other stories will help you begin your process for healing. You're not ready to have your baby, until you've healed the pain from this.
I'm sorry your going through this guilt and I really wish more medical institutions would have you watch and review stories of people who feel the way you do, before doing the procedure. Take care, I hope everything works out for you.
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