A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have a great sex life (when we find time lol) well we are planning a camping trip with another couple (who are married) for next weekend. my boyfriend mentioned to me that they may ask us to join them for group sex, because they tried to get him and a previous girlfriend to do the same, but didnt follow through. i'm not comfortable with the idea, and i told my boyfriend this. he was very understanding and said he didnt want to share me. he didn't seem too crazy about the idea either, but seemed interested in trying it. do i "play it by ear" and try something new, or do i stick with my instinct and say no? i feel it may be fun to try, but at the same time, i feel it's cheating by having sex with someone else, even if it is a group thing, and i dont want to risk friendship, as they are very close to me.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 What you should or shouldn't do is your business. However, you have already told us you don't WANT to have group sex. So, do as you want.
In my opinion, your boyfriend is asking you to to something that pleases him and you are afraid of saying a strong no.
I have some problems with this post, but I will speak about just one. It might be important, you know? The problem I will speak about has to do with the way your boyfriend asked you to have group sex.
He said that the other couple "may" ask you to have group sex. I speak English as a second (and beloved) language, and, when I was learning, they told us that "may" implies "possibility" or "probability". May, then, is a nuanced form. I don't think anyone thinks, out of the blue, that someone "may" ask you to have group sex. It's obvious your boyfriend KNEW they would ask, because, as he is the first to recognize, he's been asked before. He says they didn't have group sex, but I would believe him more if he said that the Moon is made of cheese. Yeah, right: since he and his other girlfriend refused to have group sex the previous time, the "friends" are asking again.
I'm old fashioned: if a friend asked me to sleep with my wife, I wouldn't call him a friend.
Then you say your boyfriend is not "too crazy" about the idea. However, he doesn't reject it, either. So, is it true that he "didn't want to share you"?
By the way, the other guy would be sharing his wife, too. And he would be sharing it with your boyfriend. Which means YOU would be sharing your boyfriend, too.
So, here's my problem: it is very clear these guys are partners in group sex. That's their business. You, on the other hand, are not into group sex, and your boyfriend is trying to get you into it with subliminal language. I wouldn't say a word if he had told you, in an open and clear manner, something like "Dear, I'm into group sex and I was wondering if you would accept it". The use of these subtle mechanisms is what I hate. I would call it manipulation.
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 Its personal choice. My husband and I would not have group sex (and yes we have discussed it) as we both agreed we could not bear to see the other one having sex with someone else, I love him too much to want to share him.
I think there are also risks involved, you could find that you want to try more and more things like this and eventually you could stop enjoying one on one sex as you need the buzz and excitement that you get from the kinkier stuff.
An ex of mine and his wife had group sex with the neighbours and his wife and the neighbour began an affair and ran off together.
So just do whatever you think feels right, Im all up for experimenting and have done my fair share but never whilst truly in love with someone. If you try and dont like it then it doesnt matter you dont have to do it again x
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 If you want to try it, then try it, but if you are too hesitant, then do not even go on the camping trip at all. You know they are going to ask, and if you are not interested, do not put yourself in a situation where you might be uncomfortable. What if you go, and they do NOT ask? Will you then be offended and wondering why they did not like you both enough as a couple? Will you take it as a rejection? Look at the dynamic you are setting up here. What if they ask, and one of you (could even be YOU) wants to do it, but the other does not? Why push your relationship into an area that you are not ready for? If and when you are ready, you will know.
-Frank B Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 Go with your instincts. Since neither of you seem keen on the sharing aspect of group sex, it is NOT a good idea to force the issue.
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