A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a man I get along with really well about two months ago. He's been clear from the start that he doesn't think he can be in a relationship now, and I'm hoping to leave the country for a while in about a year and a half, so neither of us think we have enough to give to a commitment. The problem is that we don't know what this relationship is. We haven't had sex but have been close physically. He's expressed guilt for leading me on, and I feel bad for feeling bad about this casual situation, since I knew his thoughts from the start. I feel like continuing to talk like we do and be physically intimate while we are technically friends will be bad for us in the end. But I don't like the idea of pressuring him for a commitment (since I knew from the start he wasn't looking for that, and I don't know how much I can commit either) or calling off most of what we have, and being just friends that hang out occasionally, and not sharing the great conversations and neat whatever-ship we have. What should I do so that no one gets unnecessarily hurt, and both parties maintain respect for one another? I like to believe we're above the hook-up culture, but now I'm not so sure. How should I handle this? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 August 2014):
 If you know already the he doesn't tick the relationship boxes then stop trying to change that.
If you want to have sex with him, without commitment, then do so, who cares what a bunch of anonymous agony aunts might think about it. If it works for you and you are okay with it, do it. If it doesn't work for you and you will feel badly afterwards and you know that, don't do it.
P.S. he sounds like a player and he's saying enough to keep you around and sexually interested enough but he'll never be willing to do the commitment thing. If you want more, run away asap as he's already messed with your mind to the point that you have to even ask this question.
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