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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi...I have been with the same guy for a while now...a little over three years. I love him and want to marry him someday. We have talked about a future together and kids...the whole deal. My problem is in the bedroom. I have never met a guy who could please me. I have only been sexual with two guys in my life (i'm 21) but nothing. I have been able to get myself off while we were making love only a couple times in the over three years we have been together. I don't want to say that it's bad b/c it's not...He just doesn't need a lot of time to get himself off and every time...when he gets off...that's it. He will roll over or kiss me and say good night..nothing horrible but it's like...hello....what about me?To me it just seems like he could care less and that really bothers me. I could really use some help with this!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, missdee +, writes (20 September 2005):
You need to talk to your man about sex like you do about everything else. Be open and honest. Alot of men don't know how to please a woman. They think if they just have sex with a woman she is satisfied too. Your man needs to be patient with you get you ready before he even begins. Foreplay is a very big part of sex.
Tell him things that please you. Make it clear to him that even though you enjoy sex with him you are not getting completely satisfied. Tell him or show him how to please you. It will turn your sex life around.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2005): My suggestion-is be adventurous! Sounds like you both may have gotten a wee bit lazy in the bedroom. Start sharing your fantasies with your bf and discover how you can carry them out. Take risks. Talk openly and tell him how you like to be pleasured. Be creative and do things a little differently. It’s about learning and experimenting, and if it doesn’t turn you on, that’s OK. Try something else. Foreplay and afterplay is also important. It’s not about copping a quick feel. Foreplay begins out of the bedroom. In fact, it’s about lovers connecting throughout the day. And it doesn’t have to be overtly sexual or sexual at all. It can even be as mundane as having dinner or taking a walk together—anything to be more connected. The key is finding the triggers that lead to passion when you first met. Keep that alive. Kick in the memories and brain chemicals that you both linked to arousal and romantic love in the past.
And don’t forget that afterplay is just as important, too Rather than rolling over, right after lovemaking, stay physically together for a few minutes, talk about what you love about each other-it helps you remain emotionally connected.
It takes a lot of ingredients such as having the right attitude, trusting your partner. Yet once you have the elements in place you can look forward to a more fulfilling sex life. Good luck
Hugs,
Irish
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A
female
reader, lisha +, writes (20 September 2005):
I once dated this guy, who wasn't that great in bed. We only had sex 3 times. Every single time, all he thought about was himself. By the third time, I was really upset and told him, I was very unsatified about his selfishness. Now if I hadn't told him, he never would have thought there was a problem. So, you need to tell him how you feel and soon.
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