A
male
age
41-50,
*ace
writes:Last month I asked a question about how I could get my wife to forgive me after I had an affair and the other women got pregnant. Thankfully she forgave me but now things seem to be getting worse rather then better. My wife told me that she too is pregnant... which means that they will give birth within a month from each other. I thought my wife forgiving me meant that we could move forwad instead we seem to be moving backwards. If I'm ten minutes late coming home from work she blames me for cheating, if I say hi to someone in the mall she says I'm trying to sleep with them. The last week has been a living hell with fight after fight. now I'm unsue if its even worth trying to save our marriage.what do I do?
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female
reader, mischieviousangel916 +, writes (18 March 2010):
Can you blame her after you got another b**** pregnant? You made the mess, so you fix it. She has a big heart to forgive you. I would have threw your stuff out the house and divorced you right away. It is not fair to expect trust right after you broke it. Give her time.
A
male
reader, Jace +, writes (16 November 2009):
Jace is verified as being by the original poster of the question[Moderator Note: Congratulations! :)Jacelyn is the child I conceived with my mistress.
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male
reader, Jace +, writes (15 November 2009):
Jace is verified as being by the original poster of the question[Moderator note: Congratulations! :) And 'mommy' is...your wife or the mistress?]Is a proud daddy to Jacelyn Grace- born Sept 13/09. Both mommy and baby are doing great.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): Congrats on the new baby, but what about the mistresses baby, how is this all going to work now? Do you take them all down the lake for leisurely strolls and ice cream?? I feel for your wife and I feel for both children. I don't see your marriage lasting much longer.
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male
reader, Jace +, writes (27 September 2009):
Jace is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIS A PROUD DADDY TO A NEW SON!!!!
My wife gave birth to a beautiful little boy last week, Sept 22, @ 2:45am. Breenan Jace Ryann was born weighing 4lbs 8onze, he was 5 weeks premature but doing wonderful, Dr's and nurses have said that he is doing wonderful and should be home very soon.
Wife and big sister are doing great and loving their new baby
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male
reader, LoneWolfst +, writes (25 August 2009):
 It sounds like you love your wife, but then she doesn’t trust you because there is another women out there that is pregnant by you. So she sees all other females as potential buddy fuckers and baby makers to you. If you love them both then bring them together and sit and talk to both of them. If you really want it to work then have them sit side by side and you sit across from them close enough that you can touch both. Lay your hand on both there bellies and tell them both that they are the only 2 you would ever love and support. You must mean this and look at both of them as you say this. If you can have the mistress moves in with your family. If she works and lives far then have her stop by when she can. But I recommend if the Wife and your mistress can get along then things should cool down just don't look at any other women. There are many benefits if both your wife and the mistress can work and live together. To contact me more on this by E-mail or IM [email address blocked]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): One thing everyone needs to remember is that this "other woman" is still going to be the mother of his child as well. Like it or not. It's understandable his wife is upset, but does she know the circumstances surrounding this affair? This other woman could have been lied to as well.
Regardless, there is an innocent child involved, and that child deserves to have it's father around, and they all, as adults, need to find a way to deal with it in a mature manner. That includes the wife, if she chooses to stay in the marriage.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009): Always another side to the story. I am a so called mistress who is also pregnant. Except that his wife is due 8 weeks before me and I did not even know that they had gotten back together.
I want the best for my baby so I will take child support, but I feel for Kristy. I was in love we were supposed to have a future together, he was supposedly no longer with his wife, or so he said. Now I get to have a baby alone, not how I ever envisioned it to be. I get to lay in bed alone and feel or baby move, while he supports his wife whom he supposedly no longer loved, out of a sence of duty.
This so called mistress risty has feelings and hopes and is a vulnerable pregnant woman who was more than likely deceived too.
He should try and make his marriage work, I doubt Kristy would welcome the lying sleeze back. I know after being lied and cheated on (yes thats how it feels) I don;t want him back. But he cannot get away without supporting our baby, why should I have to bear the pain of his lies all alone. I hope that everyday when he looks at his other two children that he remembers there is another and he will never be a part of her life.
Have some consideation for kristy and get off your moral high horses
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): I understand what your wife is feeling. I am a wife and there is another woman three months pregnant from my husband. I applaud your wife for staying with you because I am preparing to leave mine. I was in the same position as your wife. The same week I found out the other woman was pregnant was when I found out I was. I lost my baby due to stress and I am in so much pain because the other woman gets to keep hers. I feel if she decided to stay with you the lest you can do it give her time to heal. Try to make it right with her, she is in pain and she probably will be for a long time. Except the fact that you created this problem and you must deal with all the consequences. It can work if both parties were willing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): I dont think the marriage can be saved. There will be something in the air all the time..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): i was so happy when i came upon your question because i to have this same problem, only iam the pregnant wife. my husband and i were having problems and i asked him to go stay with his mother, thinking he would realize that me and our two children were where he needed to be. Well it was months and a lot of pain for the kids and i and we lost our home and moved to an apartment. Then we desided to work it out but still lived apart, i ended up pregnant and then found out two months later he had been seeing a women 9 years older than him and she was pregnant too, and everything went back to hell. a month ago she had the baby and i only have 3 weeks left till i have ours. I worry everyday about what he will do and where he is at. I know he is seeing another girl who is 8 years younger but he will not tell me himself. i love the man weve been together since we were 16 and have 3 kids i want him to come home and stay home but i dont know what he wants. he tells me he loves me and calls me all the time and says he wont want a divorce. its hard to be on this end too, when you love someone and they do this to you you end up questioning everything in your life, if you love your wife work it out no matter how hard it is. I told my husband that is our child was born without arms you wouldnt say o its too hard and walk aways would you, no you would do whatever it took to make it work!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): first you need to see this from your wifes point of view. you took a vow, and made a commitment to her. and at this time you are expecting a child and that is suppose to be something very special between two people that share something special, and your wife is probably feeling like you ripped that away from her. this is the time when she is suppose to be happy, and looking forward to that little bundle of joy, and right now she is more than likely only focused on your betrayl. i know this is going to sound CRAZY but you are going to have to prove yourself to her, prove you can be trusted, call her a few times a day to tell her your thinking about her, and make your life an open book to her, ANYTHING she wants to know you should be honest and tell her. and its really not going to help matters when you have to have contact with the other woman. so make sure your wife is ALWAYS there when you do.it may take a LONG while to rebuild what you tore apart but if your committed and want to make your marriage work then patience and ALOT of communication is key!! just think how you would feel if your wife came home and told you she was pregnant with another mans baby. if she is being difficult she has good reason to be, and walking out and abandoning her and that innocent child that deserves to have his parents together isnt going to help matters.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): Yes leave her that is easier because you seem to like that its easy to disrespect ur wife, easy to cheat, easy to be an a**hole.If you love her truly more than anything else in this world you will show her every text, don't say hi to anyone do everything she asks and more. Buy her flowers, gifts everyday, help her with the house work, spoil her. As some who has been cheated thats the only way, it could take a few months for her to truly forgive u or it could take 10 years, but by all means do what is easy for you...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): Jace, just when I started to believe that you were actually human and oh so remorseful about your adultery. You have the nerve to come back for seconds here. Is your wife being unreasonable NO,NO,NO. Are you being a *d**k h**d, YES, YES, YES!!!!!!!!!!!Stand up, be a man and take responsibility for your actions. This is how your life is going to pan out if you don't get a hold of yourself. YOUR WIFE will divorce you (good for her), you will run back to KRISTY who will welcome you back with open arms, You will lose contact with your beautiful innocent baby girl, you will mess up totally with Kristy and Baby, you will be totally ALONE going forward. Both women will raise your babies without you, and guess what? they will succeed. Your darling wife will be so much better than you. What happened all of a sudden, you grew a few more inches of your D**ck and now you think you are the cats whiskers??????????I am not going to berate/condemn/shit you out. All the other agony aunts have done that already. Thanks, aunts. It saves me so much of energy. Jace, you are such a D**k. LEARN, BOY, FROM YOUR MISTAKES. HOW TH**K ARE YOU?
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (15 April 2009):
 I understand you are having a rough time and it must be really hard for you, Poor dear! There is that the sympathy you needed?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 April 2009):
 She needs to be reasonable???? How about you being reasonable, jeeze. You know now that I think about it, I actually am in favor of you leaving her. I think she'll be happier in the long run. Leave her to reconstruct her life and maybe even find someone who can treat her and her children with dignity and understanding, you are incapable.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): As you clearly enjoy fishing for advice, here's some: do a favor for your wife - leave her, finance the children, and be a good dad. She deserves a shot at being with an honest and grateful man.
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male
reader, Jace +, writes (15 April 2009):
Jace is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not trying to run away from my problems. I want to be with my wife , I love her but she also needs to be reasonable. She needs to understand she can't be mad every time I am 10 minutes late.
As for everyone telling me to stand up and be a man, I am. I am tring to be supportive to 2 pregnant women, and be a great dad to my daughter. It's not easy. I am trying to show my wife how much I love her every second we are together but nothing seems good enough.
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female
reader, b.rye +, writes (15 April 2009):
 Integrity? Character? You already know why your wife is being difficult. Grateful is what you ought to be. She didn't leave you... yet. Don't ask questions you already know the answer to (it's the bane of living in a society that strives to ingrain morals). You already know what you should do and what is the right thing to do."Few things are harder to put up with than a good example."?- Mark Twain
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): Christ! Seriously, what did you expect? You screw around on your wife, who you are supposed to be together with in holy matromony, supposed to grow old with have kids with and generally love and cherish and not only do you do the screwing around of a teenager but you get the woman pregnant????You are a LUCKY man to have been forgiven, you must really have something worth fighting for if she, your wife, is keeping you in the marital bed, most men wouldnt get past the front door after that ball busting news!!Then, WOW, not learning from a mistake, you still find yourself incapable of using protection with your wife, unless you were very unlucky and had 2 accidents, i dont know, but bish bash bosh she's pregnant too!!WOW! Lucky man, all those pregnancy hormones flying around all over the place!!NOW! Image how your wife must feel! you're having a baby together for christ sake, and she not only has had to share her life and her marriage with someone else but she is now hving to share her pregnancy like some second class wife - thats not how its supposed to work, this is supposed to be a joyous time for a woman, time to flower and bloom and enjoy with her husband and family - spotlight on her and the new baby, but she's even been robbed of that because somewere there is this woman who slept with her husband and beat her to it and i think she has ever single right to be damn well angry and questionable!Now you have made your bed and you need to lie in it - you need to try to fix things with your wife and make her feel like she isnt second best. She is going to be feeling hurt, anger, dispair, jealousy and many other happy emotions and its your responsibility to stop being so childish!Your wife moans at YOU and YOU want to leave HER for being angry etc???? Come on now, who you trying to kid????Make it work because you want to or leave her and grow yourself a pair. Take some god damn responsibility for your actions and start trying to make amends. BOTH those kids need a father, neither women deserved this.
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male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (14 April 2009):
You wanted her back, you got her back, but now matey, it is on her terms, if you kept you cock in your pants then you wouldn't have this problem.
Of course she isn't going to trust you, you have impregnated 2 women with in a month of each other, she now has Crazy pregnant brain, and a lack of trust for you! You have to ride out this next 9 months, not look at another woman, and make sure she feels pretty even with varicose veins, bloating and all the other fun stuff you've caused!
You made this mess you deal with it don't be a coward and run away! I take it she has had an STI test when she had the pregnancy confirmed, because if you have given her chlamydia that can cause all kinds of problems and I'm sure you don't want to be responsible for having a disabled baby too.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): you are considering leaving her because of the way she is? you are very lucky to even be with her considering what you have put her through.
Alot of women in her position would have got rid of you, but she obviously loves you to stay with you.
This is your chance to do right by her and show her that you are sorry for what you have done.
she needs time to get over what you have done to her, yes she may accuse you of alsorts and that is very understandable considering.
Be a man and let her deal with this the way she needs to, you cannot expect her to just move on and put it out of her mind like it was twenty years ago.
she is your faithfull wife, she is carrying your child, she is hurting from your betrayal, and she has now got to learn to trust you all over again.
I think you wanting to leave her is not because of her suspicions, but because you see what you have done to her and leaving is the easiest thing for weak men like you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): I know first hand a story of my best friend's husband getting her and another woman pregnant at the same time.
The wife threw all his stuff on the sidewalk and changed the locks.
Of course, I would too.
Then, he begged his wife to at least listen to him say all the truth. He did. They agreed she gets to have a psycho time of anger and unforgiveness for as long as she needs, and she gets to not trust him and let it show for as long as she wants, and he agreed to those terms. So, for quite a while there, he took his hits, she cried, had angry days, hated him, loved him, accused him, said she couldn't do it, said she could do it, asked every question every day all day about texts, emails, where he was, who called, etc. It was years before she was done being hurt.
Today, he pays child support to the other woman, never sees that son, and every day works hard to show himself and his family he is an honest and dedicated person.
Finally, years later, she actually said to me two months ago that she is glad she stuck it through because he is finally a husband and father she loves. And, he told me personally that his wife had to teach him how to be a husband and how to be a father.
The distance of time between his violation and their marriage recovery is ten years.
Let's do an exercise... Close your eyes. Imagine your wife telling you she is going to visit a girlfriend and have dinner and drinks. Then she calls you and says it will be a little late, they keep talking and are going to go see a late movie. Imagine she does this about once week. Imagine you find out she was never with that girlfriend. Now imagine that instead of ever being in a restaurant, theater or mall, she was riding some guy and loving it at his house, and she ran herself all up and down him and he loved it, and they can't get enough of each other. Imagine her telling him she wishes she wasn't married to you so they could be together. And she goes down on him, kisses him, holds him, laughs with him, in his bedroom, at his house, once a week, for as long as your affair happened. And she loves it.
Imagine all this and so much more she's doing to munch down on this other man, and then I ask you: How would you feel every time she gets a text message, is a few minutes late, says hi to a man in the mall, and watches a hot guy walk by? How would you handle it after all she did in her affair?
I think you reek of not being ready to be a husband nor father.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): You going to leave because it is tough? Dont you think you deserve it? i think you do. after everything you have put her through i think you should be glad this is how she is reacting. I would do a lot worse. Take it as your punishment and don't run away from it. you can't blame her with how she is reacting, your the father of her child. and that child is now the second child in your life when it SHOULD have been the FIRST and ONLY one.
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (14 April 2009):
 ps I meant 'God, forgive HER' !!
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (14 April 2009):
Save your marriage. You can. She is just totally and utterly blown away by what you've done, and hyper paranoid. God, forgive him - cut her some slack - you'd feel bad as well, in that situation. And she is so vulnerable, being pregnant. And what has happened - you sleeping with this other woman, and her being pregnant - has completely undermined your marriage, and all the trust she had in you.
If she can forgive you, you are lucky and she really does love you. If you love her, be so careful to do absolutely nothing to make her feel bad ... for the time being, just be ultra kind and caring and considerate. If it means you don't say hi to women in the mall, for now you don't. You do that for your wife - (a) because you're the one that pretty much went back on your word, and betrayed her trust and (b) because her behaviour isn't unreasonable, given what's happened.
I think that if you are very very careful and loving for a few months, she will appreciate that show from you and will start to feel better. And relax. And not be on your case so much.
It all depends how much you love your wife. Is she precious to you? Do you think you'd easily replace her, or is she irreplaceable? How would you feel without her? Or if she was someone else's, and your child had a different father?
Just a few questions worth pondering ... and I should say I am totally unjudgemental: I can understand how people have affairs, but how they deal with the aftermath is what really counts.
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female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (14 April 2009):
 Jace - you have close to 60 threads on your other question "What on earth can I do now to get my wife to forgive me?" and now you're asking if you should leave your wife. Are you planning on leaving her for the mistress? After all you've put her thru, especially when she's pregnant, you're are considering leaving. What a shame.
The woman is pregnant and her body and mind are doing all kind of stuff to her. She's still hurting over your betrayal. Not only did you cheat but you also made the mistress (Kristy) pregnant and you think everything is going to be nice and dandy.
If you love her, your daughter and you unborn child, then keep fighting, it will get better - it won't happen overnight. But if you're a little boy and want to take the easy road, then leave and go to Kristy, I'm sure she'll take you.
So sad.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): You man up and face these consequences. What did you think, that she was going to think better of you because you knocked up some other girl?
Your wife needs time and reassurance to try to rebuild the trust she once honoured you with. That's particularly true now that she's pregnant. She's acting out because she feels particularly vulnerable. She needs to know she can count on you to be there and help raise your child.
If you give her that reassurance, eventually you *will* be able to move forward. That doesn't mean you don't have to go through some tough times to get there.
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