A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:40 yr old, Married for 15 years - 2 great kids ages 12 and 8. I love my wife very much, always have and always will. I started texting and emailing with my ex after seeking love and compassing that I was not getting at home. My ex was very lovey doevy with me just as always. I broke my ex's heart when i fell in love with my wife. And never thought I would see her again, but after years of stale relationship and went looking for love or at least feelings. My wife found out and wants a divorce. I am devastated after realizing the severity of it all. what can i do...i am still at home and want to work it out. My wife does not love me the same way anymore but i have hope we can get thru this. I have cut off completely my communication with my ex - please help .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): original poster, did you get the answers you were looking for?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): REVISED COMMENTS: PLEASE POST
the life and times of an adulterer and the consequences thereof. it's so sad. you need to account for your wrong doing and not try to jusify your affair, and also do not try to blame your lovey dovey ex lover.
I think you will learn a lot from Jace's situation. He posted on the 17/03/2009 :
"What on earth can I do now to get my wife to forgive me?"
It is long, hard, harsh, but a reality of affairs and consequences. He has tried to rectify his marriage problems I am sure you can get some invaluable insight into devastation affairs cause.
I have to ask a few questions:
-you talk of love for your wife, where was the love when you were cheating and having sex with your lover?
- so you were caught, is this the only time you discovered the severity of your affair.
- if you were not caught would you have put an end to your affair? if so, by when?
- you went looking for love at your ex - but you dumped her like a piece of nothing. You were not looking for love, you were looking for SEX. So, stop pretending and be real. How now does your ex put back the pieces of her life? Don't you care. I am sure not. You have yet again caused her pain. But you want nothing to do with your lover now.
- you are devasted, what ABOUT YOUR WIFE. Are you saying that you are suffering now more than she is? I doubt this.
- you say your wife does not love you the same way - how now do you expect her to react to this betrayal. yes, she may still love you, but she is hurt and very very angry. she is questioning herself & your marriage. she is also questioning why to stay with you.
- what do you want from your wife? - forgiveness? is she now giving you the "love" that you craved elsewhere?
in the meanwhile while your wife is pondering your divorce, and there is no " love" at home what are you going to do? Look for love elsewhere again??
why is it only when you get caught do you realise just how important your marriage and wife are? And he dumps the very person that was "helping him", in your case providing the "love" that you were not getting at home. When will you ever learn. Only when you have caused untold pain and suffering, humiliation, devastation. And then you claim that you are suffering??? You, yourself have some soulsearching to do, if you can betray someone you profess to love, then what would you do to someone you don't . I think your lover just found out your true self.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): There's nothing we can do to help. Honestly, you made a choice. You must have known what that choice would mean - you knew your wife would be hurt if she knew. You did it anyway. Now you want things to go back to normal again. Deep down, I think you are just disappointed that you were not allowed to get away with it, and have bitten off more than you can chew.Frankly your wife has every right to be as mad as she is. And if she leaves you, you have no-one to blame but yourself. This is part of being an adult, right? You take the consequences of your actions.If you felt like you weren't getting enough love and attention in your relationship, you should have dealt with that in a more mature and respectful way. It doesn't excuse going out and cheating. I would suggest therapy for both you and your wife. Give her some time to cool off, think things through. But if she's done with you, then hey, that's just the unfortunate price you pay for breaking someone's heart :(
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A
male
reader, FroggieGman +, writes (8 April 2009):
You have said a lot of contradictory things, you love you wife, you're not getting any loving at home yet you love her very much????????????????
You messed up big time. So take the consequences, you cheated on your wife with your ex, now she can have you back. To bad you meesed up your kids lives with your fling. At their age you wife will tell them what you did and they are going to be pretty pissed at you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 April 2009):
 Are you sorry for what you did to your wife or for getting caught?
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