A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Here is my situation:I am 19.Back in June, I was very very close to taking back my first loveWe had been together for 3 years, he broke my heart very badly, and it took a year to forgive him. But in this past summer, I felt how much he had changed and how much he cared for me, and we were going to start over.However, I got caught up and scared to make such a decision, and began going out with another guy.Now, 10 months later, I'm still with my new boyfriend, and I do believe I love him.He is great to me. He treats me much better in many ways my ex did not.But I am still not fully over my past boyfriend. I am now close friends with him, and feel a deep love for him. It's not the same 'wishing to be with him' as before - Its more like - I genuinely love his personality, sense of humor, and who he is. (But can't you feel that way towards a best friend as well?) It makes me miss the adventures we used to have.But my new boyfriend -is wonderful. He treats me well, and cares about me - to the point that he listens to me cry and talk about the stuff I'm telling you. He has been very patient in trying to help me get over my past, and helping me move forward. and I appreciate that very much. But I do cry a lot, missing my first love. Often I think, maybe I'm just nostalgic, for simpler times, when i loved so fully and without boundaries. Maybe I'm wanting what I don't have ---because I DO have fun adventures with my new boyfriend, that I would miss if I weren't with him too.My question is, I can't help but feel I'm being unfair to my new boyfriend, by still having thoughts about my ex. and I don't know what to do.I feel tempted at times to run back to my ex, - but the consequences seem terrifying:1- I don't want to break my new boyfriends heart. I do care about him very much. And I'm scared that I'd realize I made a mistake and lose something great.2- It took my ex a long time to get over me, and I don't know at all how he'd react to that. I know he still cares for me, but ...Im not sure its enough.**3- NEW problem: My ex and my new boyfriend recently became good friends. (apparently they are very similar, so they hang out often)so if i ever decided to do anything, I'd be destroying my relationship, their friendship, and risk losing my friendship with my ex.I feel very confused. Sometimes I feel I just need time alone to deal with my past. Any advice is appreciated...Thank you....
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female
reader, Original shiraz!  +, writes (8 April 2009):
You can have every person you know and love around you yet still fee alone, when i read your post thats how id sum how your feeling up, your lonely. Its normal to hold something for the ex whatever the circumstances, hes not going to just dissapear and the memories will always be with you its part of the package im afraid. And in some parts it seems to me you dont want him to dissapear at all. You need to get to grips with how you really feel, its ok to be emotional and to share that and have the support through that with somebody makes it that extra bit special but you need to be clear on your feelings. By now you should be over your first love and crying about it should no longer be an option, youve moved on and found somebody new,this is where your head needs to be at not stuck in the past.People come and go but you do get the odd few that stick around, it doesnt mean your future is limited, your within your rights to move on and completely let go of your ex, you seem unwilling to do so.You have perfect sounding relationship at present so dont let that go to waste, however maybe some time to yourself would be best right now? Until you can be sure what step to take next. The 3rd problem is bad! They are now mates, its just adding to the chain of holding on to past and something that once was that you cant let go, it needs sorting now and only you can so its time to make some descions and stick to them. Of corse you are confused! Just make sure your head and heart are both in the right place, your uncertain and its going to make things worse. Take some time for yourself, i dont think you know what you want and until you do give it all space and time.
A
female
reader, missHelp; +, writes (8 April 2009):
 in my opinion ure new boyfriend was used as a shield, to make ure ex jelous at the time now that you and your ex are talking again hes just a that, get rid of your new man before u break his heart badly
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