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female
,
anonymous
writes: hello,i am just writing because i feel like an absolute loser and i have since my long distance boyfriend moved to where he is now. i guess it is the classic case of girl dumping her friends once she gets a boyfriend. i sort of did that. now that my bf is gone, i feel like i don't have any friends. i only feel like i have one friend (who is also long distance and i never see), and my long distance boyfriend. i don't even want to go out clubbing or hanging out or anything at all, i am quiet and spend weekends literally alone. none of my friends ring me (except the long distance one with whom i am quite close) it is really quite depressing. even my boyfriend has commented on how i don't hang out with anyone. it just makes me feel like a loser. i like being alone, but at the same time, i don't like it because i feel like i have no friends. i have become really shy and cautious around other people too and i don't know why. i doubt it's depression, i don't know why i isolate myself like this. i am sad that my boyfriend is gone, but not depressed about it. we have a great relationship. i like being alone, but i know that people (like my boyfriend) are all thinking that i am a loser and that is beginning to make myself think that i am a loser. i am uncomfrtable in my situation, yet comfortable at the same time..does that make sense? i just want some people's advice about what they think about the situation. if you knew of a girl who spent weekends and evenings all alone and only went to school, work, and talked on the phone to her one friend, you would think she wasa bit of a loser too right?
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female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (29 December 2005):
 Angel,
You are far from a loser, it happens when you have someone in your life, your friends do seem to get neglected, and it's not only you that does it, I did it and for a year and a half.
If they are real friends, then they would understand.
I'm lucky i had gr8 friends and when my relationship went bad, they were there for me.
They were there through the good and bad times.
Stop worrying about what other people think of you as long as you can look at yourself in the mirror without remorse then you shouldn't worry.
Believe me if your friends where in the same situation they would most likely do the same.
I don't want to generalise so forgive me if i do, but most women want to keep there men happy, cause if there men are happy that means less fights and arguments and that would make us happy.
So go out even if it is on your own and you would be surprised just how many people want to be your friends.
You are not a loser, rather have one true friend than have 100 backstabbing friends
A
female
reader, sam25 +, writes (29 December 2005):
Firstly you are not a loser, remember this. You need to take up some new hobbies, clubs or sports to meet people in your area. Get in touch with some of your old friends, hold a reunion if you hung out in a crowd. You are feeling shy because your surroundings have changed, this will not last for ever, however you must make the effort to make friends and chat to people. What about you boyfriend does he have a circle of friends? Get involved with what they do, have them all round for drinks or a meal. Doing a college course or taking up a part time job locally might help increase your confidence and make you a few friends as well. Good luck and don't get down, your in a rut but you can get out.
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A
female
reader, StarNews +, writes (29 December 2005):
 No I do not think you are a loser. You are independent, happy, with a free spirit. I live alone, am single and I absolutely LOVE it!
It sounds to me that you are comfortable with who you are, but you worry about what others think. When they actually are afraid to admit that they envy you! I think that is great that you can be alone and be content with it.
You have probably become shy and cautious around other people because they tend to judge you for what you believe in. It seems to me you are being selective with who you trust to allow in your life, and thats a good thing.
There are many girls who stop seeing their friends when they get into a relationship, that is normal. If you have good friends, they will be there when you are ready to return. I am not sure of your age, but I believe with maturity, women tend to value friendships much more, and look for a man who will respect that....someone who is more independent like we are. I have learned that in order to be a good friend, I have to act like one. I am not saying that you arent, but I feel sometimes it takes a few good fall outs in relationships to realize just how valuable our friends really are.
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A
female
reader, Chazzishep +, writes (29 December 2005):
 Hey i was nearly in the same position and i know what it feels like i just wnated to get away from every1 i was quiet at school and i was dropping in my grades but i had this 1 friend she picked me up asked me round to her we talked and she listend to all of my problems and i started hanging round wit her friends nad now im happy with a great group of peeps and a great boyfriend so dont worry its not weird to be on your own its just some peeps way of dealing wit stuff xx
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