A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with my boyfriend of a year. I have never felt like this about anyone else - not even close. However, i have been married for ten years and have two children. My boyfriend is married too. We knew each other for two years before we started going out and were in love with each other before we got together as a couple. We really tried to resist the temptation and neither of us has been unfaithful before. We would like to leave our spouses but want to stay married for the sake of our children. I get on okay with my husband but i find we are very very different. I used like the differences but i have grown tired of being the only one making an effort in the marriage and the lack of intimacy. The confusing thing for me is that since i started sleeping with my boyfriend, I have an increased sex drive and really want to sleep with my husband a lot. The sex with my husband is good but i cannot understand how i really dont want to be with him but i do want to have sex with him and why i enjoy it. I enjoy the sex with my boyfriend too. It is more exciting and as good although sometimes mechanically the sex with my husband is better. What does this mean? I love my boyfriend and he and i see ourselves together some day when our children are older. We are very alike and share a lot of common interests and views. My husband and i are not alike at all and as i grow older i find him less exciting as he just wants to mow the lawn and read. He only talks about the children and thinks that i am like one of the children, part of the family, rather than a person in my own right. He rarely tells me he loves me. He has even been violent and threatening towards me when he gets stressed and angry (although he hasnt hit me for a long time). I dont feel valued but the sex is good and in fact it's even passionate sometimes. I think it might be because i am angry with him. I once wanted to love him for ever and gave so much in the relationship but now i am tired of giving and have no more to give. I need a more equal relationship with both people giving. Why do i like to sleep with my husband still? one theory i have is because my boyfriend forces himself to sleep with his wife because she expects him to and i dont want to feel left out by not sleeping with mine. It's like a competition. Finally, i think we both continue sleeping with our spouses because the reality is we like sex a lot and it is one of the few perks of our loveless marriages. Has anyone been in this situation? Loveless marriage that has lots of sex (well once or twice a week and pretty good). I'm 40 and my boyfriend is 35. My husband is 40 too.
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female
reader, Sakuchanz  +, writes (5 May 2010):
If he's been violent, you don't feel emotionally connected to the person you married and its mainly physical now, I would get a divorce.
If you stay for the just kids, you'll hurt them more then you'd ever imagine. Especially if you get a divorce or you husband finds out about the affair. If and when they're older to understand what you've been doing, how do you think they would view you?
I suggest leaving one, or you'll lose both and doing it soon. Otherwise its just an affair and you're going to hurt everyone including yourself.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 You make yourself like sex with your husband because you feel sorry for him. Something that came up in my mind is the TV show Wife Swap but I'm not telling you to try that. Your children are probably too young to understand this but once they could, ask them what they feel about you guys separating. Not all kids feel the same. My mom once asked me about just the idea of her having an affair and I said, "Go ahead, just don't let my dad know." knowing she's just entertaining herself with the idea. For me, I can't handle two men at the same time. I'll be afraid to yell out the wrong name and that would be embarrassing.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (4 May 2010):
 You should introduce your husband to your boyfriends wife maybe they too can have a fling. If you two plan on leaving your spouse to be with each other maybe you should consider doing it now, unless you think your lover won't leave his wife to be with you.
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A
male
reader, oldjouster +, writes (4 May 2010):
You are enjoying the sex with your boyfriend because he pays attention to you and it is exciting and naughty. Staying married just for the kids sake may actually do more harm than good. Kids are more resilent than you think.
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