A
female
age
30-35,
*arah909
writes:about a month ago I was on my boyfriends computer, and while i was typing in an web address a porn site popped up, as one he was looking at recently. So I looked at his history, i know i probably shouldnt have, but i did. i wanted to see what kind of porn he was watching. while looking i found different girls facebook pictures that he knew, mixed in with the porn sites. I couldnt ignore in so i brought it up. I told him that the fact that he watches porn doesnt bother me, but looking at girls he knows is way to much. One of the girls he kind of had a thing with before we started dating. He tried to lie and tell me he wasnt doing that, but I told him i obviously knew, and theres no way that could not be what he was doing. It was a problem for a while, he told me it didnt mean anything and hes always done it and he doesnt know why. We have been dating for 2 years now and he is literally the last guy i would ever expect to cheat on me. this happened like three months ago and I told him i would stop bringing it up, but every time i come over now he deletes his history.... I want to ask him why but I dont want him to get mad at me for looking into it. I dont really know if i should be that worried or not, or even bring it up?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): The only thing you can do is express your thoughts on the matter then drop it, which you've done.
It's okay to check internet history. You gotta know what you're working with. Besides, everyone has their own definition of privacy; one guy's privacy is another guy's open book.
If it is important for him to know how this feels for you, pose yourself as doing the same thing, surf images of hot nude guyz, keep sexy pictures of exes around, and scope dudes. Making it all equal will ease your frustration I promise. When he discovers your stash or history of being turned on by the visual of other men, treat him how he treated you. That'll level the playing field, and you won't feel helpless.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (4 May 2010):
 He deletes his history because you don't trust him and check it (how else would you know he'd deleting it). Guys masturbate to lots of different stuff. Maybe he uses his ex to help him get off. I've done the same thing, it doesn't mean I'd go back to her. Maybe he looked at some stuff he thinks you'd find disturbing. Maybe something popped up that was way crazy for his tastes. Maybe he adjusted his settings so that it automatically deletes his history every few hours, regardless of what he's been searching.
Snooping like this only causes trouble and doubt for both of you. It is a violation of trust. If you value your relationship I'd stop snooping and definitely not bring it up.
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