A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Yes, I'm having one of those teen-cliche-romance issues. Senior Prom: the word says it all. So I need to know, is this a "date" or a friend-date? And should my friend be mad at me? My guy friend, D, and I have known eachother since the learning-to-tie-my-shoes era of our lives. D, about two months ago, asked to go to the prom with him. I was excited (I had planned on going solo) and said yes. I'm pretty quiet/serious(and awkward) so I was suprised he didn't choose his usual outgoing type. Last year, he went with my close friend K, a very loud and goofy type, and I went with a friend of theirs. D and K had a "thing" going on but were not dating (she insisted). This was the first time D and I had ever hung out outside of school.Long story short, K has a bad record with relationships. D finds out that she's hanging out with her ex and they have a big blowout because he assumed they were dating. They stop talking for a long time and I was torn between them (though it was her fault). D and I became more friend-ish afterwards. Speed up a year. K and D are on speaking terms and he asks me to prom. So I kinda like him. Okay, I had mentioned to K earlier in the year that I thought D may have liked me and she encouraged it, but I left it as is. So, when he asked me, I saw no problem in it. Senior trip came the week after and D was acting very romantic (slow dance on cruise, complimentary, followed me like a puppy kind of deal)and after the trip was over he sent me a very nice message about how it was great (but not outright flirty).Suddenly, my friend K is all over him and they are best buds. Literally, like tackle haha-I'm-gonna-steal-your-bear and they text eachother back and forth all the time. Why do I know? She throws it in my face in a passive-aggressive move. She's also been snubbing me at work. D and I had a texting conversation once in a MONTH. They're suppposed to be bitter and now they're going fishing together and to movies and junk. What the heck? He talks to me in school, but not NEAR as much as her. Like, she hates nerdy stuff, but then hams it up on his interests which and I actually have in common. We've still haven't hung out since senior trip. They hangout on the weekends. The guy told me I was stunning when he saw my dress and that we had a lot in common, but I feel like when we go I'm going to end up on the sidelines because K will be on him. He's been saying he's excited, but I feel like something's up. What the heck does this guy want me to be? He's not a player by any means,and has never been, but these mixed signals make me wonder why we're even going together. I've come out my shell to try to be somewhat flirty with him but it seems in vain. Will someone please clarify what is going on?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 May 2012):
 I recommend that you spend 'way less time DEFINING the terms - or "definition" - under which you are going to your prom.... and spend a LOT more time getting a great dress and hair coif.... and have a GREAT TIME at the prom. The morning after (the prom) you can look at this submittal and see that it really wasn't all that important..Good luck. Have fun....
A
female
reader, Latti +, writes (4 May 2012):
Okay...it seems like K.....has a new found interest in D...because he had stopped paying her any attention and was showing interest in you. Even though, you discussed it with her and she gave the thumbs up to date him....a competitiveness has come on the scene. That's why she's his best buddy all of a sudden. Sometimes, we may not be interested in a person anymore.....until we see them with someone else! Now, I would have a conversation with K, friendly, but straight to the point. Hey K, I've noticed that you seemed interested in D, since he asked me to the prom. I know you guys have history and that's fine, but could you ...back off a little. I really would like all of us to enjoy prom with out anyone feeling like a 3rd wheel.If she is a real friend.....she will respect your wishes and back off. If she competeing with you...she will act like you never said anything and continue her sharades with him. Either way....you may need to give her some space. Prom should be fun and memorable. It may not be perfect, but if you start nipping these issues in the bud early....you stand a better chance of enjoying your prom....with YOUR DATE!
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (4 May 2012):
 How long ago did he ask you? I would ask him if he's sure he's interested in you and not just your proximity to the friend, but maybe he likes being silly with her, like as a friend, but likes other things about you. If he really likes you he may be more shy around you because he doesn't want to ruin the potential romance. With K it may be already gone. I just think you shouldnt sell yourself short yet, would have a heart to heart with AT LEAST him, i'm not sure about your friend if she's being passive aggressive; it's better to go to him cause you'll get some assurance that you're doing (or not doing) the right thing.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 May 2012):
 "Hey K, we've been friends a long time, so I feel it's okay to ask you this. You know D and I are going to prom, are you okay with that? Because I'm seeing some signs which show you are really interested in him, and I don't want to be the third wheel if that's the way you are viewing him."
Who is K going to the prom with? I assume she has a date?
If you are prepared to lose D as a prom date, you could ask him something like this: "Hey D, I'm looking forward to prom. I have to ask, I see you hanging out with K and getting close to her again, and you did take her last year. I just want to make sure you are still looking forward to being my date, or if we need to have a talk about the situation?"
Or just decide that you and D are purely friends, nothing more, and he is your escort and if K and he decide to show off during prom, you smile and hang out with your other friends, and if you are friends with K's date, you two can commiserate.
I'll tell you that prom is wayyyy overhyped and oversold. Most people have okay memories of it but there are plenty of disaster stories. It will not change your life, nor will it have a lasting impact, honestly. It seems to be an awkward rite of passage that is to be endured, not enjoyed, in so many teens.
I think going with a friend is a good idea, because then you can hang out and enjoy each other without all the expectations, but is D really a friend or is he more of a crush for you, while you are more of a platonic friend for him?
We can't clarify what they are thinking. You know them better than we do, but it does sound like D isn't all that into you, if he's not spending time with you or communicating with you very much.
Decide what is more important to you: going to the prom with a date or going to the prom with no worries about how your date is going to behave?
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