A
male
age
30-35,
*ockshredder
writes:I posted this a week ago but didn't get any replies. So I am trying again today cause I want some advise.I m really down. After being dumped by my gf of 4 years for another guy 5 months ago and after most of the healing process, when I tried to look upon someone whom I thought could be a date, it turned out that she was with someone else. I shook my head and tried to cheer myself up. Some days later, today when I decided to ask another girl out, right now I came to know that she is also with someone else. Haha I had already set images in my mind of her loving me. Why am I so thirsty to be loved again and why everything turns against me telling me that I will never find true love? I am 23 and my life literally sucks. I feel like crying. What my ex did to me left an image of myself as a worthless unattractive clown.Also I am new to America. Just 4 months have passed since I came. English is not a problem. I work at target and communicate with people a lot. I smile and am really courteous. But I dnt know the culture of dating here. Like I don't know how to ask a girl out. And fact is that I haven't got a chance either. It has already turned me down prior to asking out. So please help me out how can I approach a girl and ask her out in a way that the situation does not get awkward? Where to take her? What to talk about? How to make her smile during the date and eventually make her think about me in loneliness? And when to wait for HER to ask me out next? How to find out if she has developed some feelings for me? And eventually the right time to kiss her? Please I know that no one has time to teach these things but sincerely my past and present are together playing a role to bring me down. I want to step up. Everyone is with someone. Teach me some tips and tricks please.There is one more thing that keeps bugging me. I was very very loving with my ex. I used to tell her that she was the most beautiful girl in the world and called her hundreds of sweet names. I used to carry her books and stuff all the time. I feel like all this love from my side became the cause of her dumping me. But I am this kind. I cannot become someone who does not give 100% affection. Even by effort, I cannot become an a**hole. So if a girl now comes in my life, should I be the same guy with her loving her so much? Was it my ex having a rotten soul or this so affectionate behaviour murdered me?Please be honest. Cause I have a firm statement from a lot of guys and even girls that "girls like jerks and reject guys like me". If that is true, then I am really going to be a mess. I want to smile again. I want to loved back by someone for my true heart. Advise me. Thankyou so much for reading and giving me your precious time.
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male
reader, rockshredder +, writes (5 July 2011):
rockshredder is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou all of you who replied. I have a job and I am starting networking certifications next weak too. I went for a job 3 months ago and got it. I am a very witty guy trust me. I crack jokes all the time. It is this incident that has injected negativity in me. Cause she was my 1st love and it was for 4 years. And I wanted to marry her. Maybe this is the reason I am like that. However I will be light and am getting by the passing days. I know I am a loving guy and out of a whole lot of girls, there is atleast one for me to love me the way I deserve. I will wait and wont rush. Thanks.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 Love isn't a barter game. You can't go "I gave you X love therefor you owe me X amount in return". Any statement that starts with "but I loved him/her so much" is naive. How much you love someone has no relation to how much they feel for you.
Girls like jerks? Do you mean by that that girls like guys who don't return their affection? Well, then you were in love with a jerk too.
Love isn't always returned, that hurts but you can't chance that.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (4 July 2011):
 Hi,I am going to be honest with you... I am sorry that your ex-girlfriend of 4 years have broken up with you... The truth is that, sometimes people fall in love and fall out of love. It has nothing to do with you, if you've done anything wrong, etc... That's how it isPeople change, sometimes there's no real motives or reasons. Everybody in the world go through break ups all the time. Its just part of life and its the process of life until you find your real life partner. So don't be too hard on yourself, and stop feeling sorry... Stop wasting your time being depress and negative. Stop trying to understand, make excuses, its what its. Also, I don't understand why you are so desperate to find love? Why you keep searching for girls to go out? Its has been only 5 months? Don't let your mind control your life. Be glad that you are a healthy, young man. Have a job..I know a lot of people who don't have a job. You said you recently moved to USA? Enjoy the country, its a beautiful, amazing country.. Many would love to have an opportunity to live here. This country is so beautiful, gives you so many opportunity to be successful and so much freedom. You are so lucky already and don't even knowThis break up is probably the best thing that could have happened to you. Its a chance to find real love, someone that will love you and respect you the way you deserve. Take this opportunity to make new friends, find new hobbies, learn about yourself. Enjoy your freedom... When you least expect, you'll find someone, but you need to work on your self confidence and positive energy. Really? right now, the way you're so negative, who would want to be with you? Its very easy.. Just Think the opposite?, would you want to be friends or even date someone that thinks and have so much negativity? Of course not..Be happy, be grateful, appreciate yourself and happiness will come your way...Good luck
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A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (4 July 2011):
unfortunately if we knew the answer to your question about if you treat someone like a jerk does she like you better you would be a very rich man becuase I think most men who say that they respect woman and who like doing nice things for them are quite often dumped for being too agreeable.
It sounds like you need to be your own man and state what you do is because you want too but that you should also be a leader and them on a journey as well - dont be a door mat - carrying her books? thats taking it too far - get her fitter by getting her to carry them or better yet get her to carry yours.
younger girls seem to be more willing to go with the jerk than older woman - its probably a maturity thing - jerks only want one thing sex and are not long term relationship material.
Hope this helps - really interesting blog in the sydney morning herald recently on do nice guys finish last? under the lifestyle section.
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