A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Girls: does confidence matter more if the guy is generally seen as "unattractive"? I have good days where i'm super cocky, other days where i'm almost shy. As confident as I get and as much time as i spend on my appearance and personality, I get this vibe like i went too far. Especially when I'm confident. Is it just something to get the "unattractive" guy through all the hard times? Just be honest. Or maybe it's a fat thing? I'm not very overweight. This whole flirting thing is starting to get weird.
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confidence, flirt, overweight, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Elly7  +, writes (17 March 2010):
it sound to me if you are shy one day and super confident the next it is a false confidnece. which may come across as cocky or arrogant. if you are happy in your own skin and love who you are and love your own company then you will have a natural confidence which radiates out which is attractive thing. beleive in yourself.
A
female
reader, Lanzie +, writes (17 March 2010):
My Ex boyfriend, when I met him acted like this big shot. And that initially attracted me to him, but it seems like your just a nice guy on the inside (which he was too). And that is what a girl truly loves. I would say confidence is sexy, and being your self is irresistible. good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): Good looks and confidence both matter. Either one of them is an asset but having both will get you even more women. Having a whole lot of one thing can partially compensate for not enough of the other, but you still wanna have as much of both as you can get.
It's okay to let a girl know you really want her. Just don't give the impression that you can't or won't get anyone else if you don't have her.
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A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Agree with Angzw. Cocky and confident are two VERY different things. If you're cocky you come across as being an ass, whereas confidence is a great quality. If your two traits are shy and occasionally cocky, then here's why you're not getting anywhere. Try a more subtle approach, without the cockiness.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (17 March 2010):
Cocky and confident are not the same thing!!! Cocky is highly unattractive. But confidence is wonderful. But it has to come across as effortless, friendly, non judgemental.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (17 March 2010):
 I agree with mystique and pinktopaz.
There is a fine line between confident and attractive and cocky and being a turn off. I think you may be crossing it.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Pinktopaz nailed it..its one thing for a man to be confident, its an entirely different thing for him to be cocky. I cannot stand cocky men. The minute a man starts acting like that, I totally lose interest. A confident man comes across as being sure without being a jerk, or a bore. Dont try TOO hard because it will make you seem insecure or desperate, and a woman will pick up on that immediately. I know it sounds so old and clique, but BE YOURSELF! SERIOUSLY. If you are kind, thoughtful, a few pounds aren't going to matter to the majority of us girls. I love a killer smile and sense of humor, they go a long way...believe in yourself!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (17 March 2010):
 In relationships:
Men always punch above their weight and Women always punch below it.
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A
female
reader, jc82 +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Maybe that vibe you get, like you "went too far" is just a result of you doubting yourself. Don't doubt yourself! As long as you aren't being an a-hole, your confidence is attractive, so long as its genuine. The way to make it genuine is to believe in it totally, to believe in yourself. Also, be comfortable with your occasional shyness. Girls like variation, a girl who really likes you will like to see all the different sides of your personality. No one expects you to maintain the same level of confidence every day. Don't worry too much about how you are acting, if you've been a jerk, apologize, and try to have more confident days than shy days. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): You may be trying too hard and coming across as ingenuine. Just ease up a bit. Women arent so shallow that they will ONLY go for looks. Look around you at all the "fat, ugly" guys with partners! We look for other qualities too. Honesty is good, being kind, even a level of honesty about any short comings you may have, can be quite disarming. My partner is tall, too lean and a bit gawky. He didnt have to be cocky around me, infact i would have found that a complete turn off. He was quiet, kind and honest. After a couple of dates he said he couldnt believe i wanted to date him! I asked why and he said take a good look at him....he said he was too thin, had bad hair, a big nose (which i adore) and he went on about his features that he felt were all wrong. By doing that, he did what just about all dating advice tells you never to do!But i liked his honesty. He wasnt bigging himself up or acting the fool just being Him and sharing his doubts with me and i got that. That was over 3 years ago and we are still going strong. Just chill out, relax and dont put up a front. Be yourself x
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (17 March 2010):
If a guy is seen as unattractive, then yes, he needs confidence and personality. Now, don't get cocky confused with confidence. Almost all women DO NOT like a cocky guy. If you're cocky, it will backfire. You'll come across as an ass, then you'll wonder why all the girls are acting like bitches...and the reason would be you.
Being confident comes across as being secure with yourself yet humble and also being nice. Cocky is being overly secure and acting like a douche.
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