A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 22 years old and cant help it but face the truth and it gets me down.I have always realised I'm not good looking/ attractive. In school, people used to get into relationships all the time, not me, I knew what was wrong girls didn't find me that attractive. It didn't bother me too much as I grew up enjoying life with friends, went gym, worked, studied, bought myself fancy fast car, life was good. I had a lot of girl friends back in school, moving onto university and I'm watching all these people have fun, date etc.I did have 3 girls I used to meet just generally (past 3 months), have a drink with etc. Overtime I realised they just use me, they maybe okay to my face. But I hear them laugh and stuff. These are the same girls who moan about guys sleeping with them and not being loyal, and breaking their hearts. So why do they go back?The truth is the truth though isn't it? These 3 so called friends have the option of talking to me etc but instead they get drunk at mine and go off to meet other guys. That for me..sliced me in half. I'm not fussing about sex, its about the fact they think I'm so vile they wouldn't come near me, when I respect them all more than any other guy does.Now I just realised, wait a second there is no one here, I can't even make my life better I've done all that. I used to get told at 16, oh don't worry when you get older is okay. lol now I'm 22 and acting like a complete joke who doesn't want to get out of bed any more because there's just no one out there. I have no money, I have no friends.
View related questions:
drunk, money, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2013): Thank you for all the answers. I appreciate it.
Sorry maybe I gave of wrong idea about money, I am not a loser in life, i do have money and can work. Ive just lost a bit of motivation. I have money, if i need more i can easily work a week and provide for going out.
Problem is i feel like im only called, spoken to, used when there is money in my pocket. I have refused to share my money several times (pretending i dont have any) and i just get put to the side and eventually lose out on the friend. Its that simple...yes get more friends, you are saying?
Thats the sad story, i can make friends but very little genuine people come across, i can continue to be 'popular' but makes me think how genuine it really is.
Guys are not a problem, i can work them out pretty quickly, and have a great laugh with them, main issues are with girls.
I dont know where im going with this response. I think a good gym session will bring me back my ego that i so badly need right now (my defense mechanism)
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (10 January 2013):
Dear OP,I think you draw many conclusions here too soon. And I agree with kc100.Yes, sometimes in life you come to realize that life is NOT what you thought it would be and you face a lot of disappointment.You don't have a girlfriend although you want one.And you would like to have true friends who don't just use you as "the guy we have drinks with before we go out".Plus, you would like to have more money than you do.These are things that can leave you depressed. But you can change your future. A bad past doesn't mean you are condemned to a life of mysery.It's hard to change though, I admit. And when you face how hard it is, it's sometimes easier to tell yourself "oh, I'm just too ugly to find someone", "girls just want mean guys anyway", or "I'm just a joke". That way, there's no need to even try.It makes you feel bad but at the same time, it protects you from trying something that might fail and admitting what you really want so you're not too disappointed if it doesn't happen. In the end, these things that you say about you and girls and relationships are excuses.All I can say is, stop making them.There are not-so-good-looking people in happy relationships, there are nice guys who get nice girlfriends, there are people who've tried and failed but eventually succeeded in finding a job. Chances are, that you can be one of them, if you get out of bed and try to change, step by step, what's wrong with your life. As a start, you can ask yourself if you really want to give those three girls drinks and then let them go away to meet other guys.But consider that maybe they don't even know that their behavior bothers you. Maybe you never show it hurts you or makes you angry, or you have no idea what you'd like to do instead.Don't invite them all the time, see if they' d invite you, too. Ask them to do something else with you for once, like taking you to a friends' party or going to see a good movie with you. You could say, for instance "hey guys, I really appreciate you come to my place for drinks, but it starts to annoy me that we only meet here and that I never get out of my place. Can't we go to a pub together, once?" Maybe you'll find out they're better friends than you thought - or, that they are not worth your time and really just use you.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (10 January 2013):
 I once started dating an arrogant jerk. The relationship lasted less than 2 months before he started asking me to give up my hobbies so I would be on call 24/7 for him. I walked.
Then I met a guy who was shy and polite. We're still together 4 years later.
The reason this "bad boy" thing gets around as the be all end all to picking up women is that some women have trouble telling the difference between arrogance and confidence. When they see an arrogant aloof guy they mistakenly think that means other women must really want the guy and that's why he is not behaving desperately. That wears thin very quickly.
Guys who are nice don't have issues getting girlfriends. Self-proclaimed "nice guys" do. It has nothing to do with being attractive or not because guess what, women aren't all perfect 10s either. If you're a 3, there's a woman somewhere who is also a 3 who would love a boyfriend. I know plenty of broke unattractive guys who found girlfriends (also for reference, this isn't 1950 anymore, money isn't a huge turn on for most women anymore). The issue is that the guys who sit around moaning about how "all women" go for mean guys is that they are just exuding this angry hatred everywhere they go. Plus they all seem to think that they deserve/are entitled to a supermodel girlfriend, no matter what their appearance is.
You need to a) lower your expectations about what your dream woman will look like and b) stop being so angry. There's nothing to be angry about, no one is treating you unfairly.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (10 January 2013):
 Sorry I'm a bit confused - you say you grew up enjoying life with lots of friends, fast expensive car, went to the gym etc.....yet at the end of the post you now claim you have no friends and no money. Which is the truth?
Girls dont want the bad guys who break their hearts, I am 25 and have never ever had an inclination to date any man that is a 'bad guy'. I have always liked nice guys who make me laugh, are fun to be around and are smart, someone who can hold a good conversation.
Yes SOME girls like bad boys, but these are immature silly little girls who dont know any better. As girls grow up they realise there is much more to life than a hot guy with a good body who treats you like shit. So you are hugely generalising here - it is NOT the truth that ALL girls like bad boys, some do, but many are looking for a lot more than a bad boy.
However what girls DO want is a guy with confidence, a guy with a bit of money so they can do fun things together, a guy who makes them laugh, a guy who generally has a great life (that means has good friends, a decent job and good family relationship). You dont have to be Brad Pitt to get a girlfriend, there are plenty of girls out there who dont look like Megan Fox yet they still want boyfriends too!
First things first - evaluate the kind of girls you are interested in. Are you being hypocritical and only looking at the super hot girls? Perhaps if you apply your same logic to yourself, and even though she might not be the best looking she might have a good personality so she is worth giving a chance. If you are not the best looking guy, surely you would hope girls would apply this kind of attitude? So you have to lower your standards too, dont automatically go for the hot girls and give the less attractive girls a chance.
Next, try and sort your life out. If it is true that you dont have any money or any friends, then this is going to be a bit of a turn off for a girl so you need to work on this. Figure out how to get a decent job so you can earn decent money. Try and re-kindle old friendships that you might have let slip recently, or make new friends by picking up new hobbies (if there are any sports you like then join a club and you will meet people there). Girls dont want a guy who is down in the dumps and not going anywhere in life. Not all girls are after guys who are stinking rich (some are but not all!) but no girl wants a guy who has a dead end job and no hope for the future. If you cant get a better job right away then you need to look at getting more qualifications to help you towards a better job in the future.
There are people out there, you just need to stop wallowing in self pity, lower your expectations of the kind of girl you are going to get in a relationship with, and sort your life out. If you get your life back on track, become a sucessful person - then sucess in relationships wont be so difficult.
...............................
|
