A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 19 years old. In June 2011 I started a relationship with my partner. We had a few rocky bumps with his family which made us stronger, it was hard but after being able to stick with each other it felt great. In January 2012 we moved into our own home as he was forced to choose between myself or his mother and step-father. In February 2012 he proposed and instantly I agreed, (Sorry I'm going on just want to explain everything). My sister always spent the weekends at our place and often had a friend stay too. In July 2012 I found out I was expecting our first child together. Now it's January 2013 and I have found out back in June of 2012 he was messaging one of my sisters friends basically stating how he liked her and its awkward to make a move a he is already in a relationship. I have asked him about the situation but he says she made a move on him and he took it to a social networking site to have hard evidence to show me. He then said it was took too far so he decided to just end the conversation and he knows he has made a mistake.I then got in-touch with my sisters friend to see her side of the story. The story's match up but she claims he made the move on her and she wanted to show me what was going on.Funny think was I could see it in front of me, the way they were together and even stopped her coming round the house, months later I find the messages and neither of them had the guts to own up which makes it more suspicious. I am so angry that I had let her stay weekends and left them in my house together. I am now struggling with what to do, who to believe. My baby is due in 10 weeks time and I don't want him coming into the world from a broken family but I also don't want to be a mug. My family adore my partner and I feel I'm letting everyone else down if I break up with him, help!!
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (11 January 2013):
Yes, its so "stupid" to get a commitment to each other prior to having a child that you are here complaining about his possible infidelity while carrying his offspring.Also, what do you mean "you did not initially get pregnant?" What, you failed the first time so you kept trying?Also, it does not shock me that your parents are not married. Like smoking, children of unmarried parents are overwhelmingly more likely to have children while unmarried. That its a cycle of unfairness to the child seems to be of no consequence, but whatever. Last, no, marriage is not a life sentence, but a child is, so don't you think you it would be even MORE important to consider the person you are choosing to have a child with before you do it? That should all start with a commitment to each other first, and you never got that, so here you are complaining about a guy that you should be able to kick to the curb without looking back, but instead are now stuck with in some way shape or form for the rest of your life.Look, I wish you all the best, but going forward you would do well to really consider the person you are going to have children with before you go ahead and do it. In this case, unfortunately you haven't, and you will have a lifetime to regret this. At age 19, unfortunately, you simply don't have the life experiences to realize the magnitude of the mistake you are making. Please remember this conversation, because at age 30, you will.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's stupid, Most people I know are not married. My parents are not married and neither are most of their friends. I did not initially get pregnant but I am making the best of a situation. As long as our child has love from myself and his dad then I don't see why this is a issue if we are together or not. I would of liked to stay with my baby's father but even if we're married I could easily get a divorce, marrage is not a life sentance as i am very unreligious anyways so the promose to 'god' wouldnt even enter my mind if i was unhappy. I was engaged to the baby's father but we dd not plan to be married untill we can afford our perfect day.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (11 January 2013):
GET MARRIED TO SOMEONE BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO HAVE A CHILD WITH THEM.It has not thing to do with religion, and everything to do with what is best for you and the child. How two people can commit to a child before they can even commit to each other is beyond me. So here you are pregnant, and what you are worried about is your bf flirting with others? Should not these issues be worked out BEFORE you decide to link the rest of your life to this person? Like it or not, this person is now part of your life until the day you die. Bringing a child into the world is the biggest decision any person can ever make. Unlike almost any other decision you make, its one you can never go back on, and one you are completely responsible for. With that in mind, how so many are so cavalier about the partners they select to share parenthood with just absolutely baffles me, and the person who suffers the most because of this myopia is almost always the child.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! We are still living together but I have called a break. I am hoping the baby has opened his eyes as he was decorated when I did call the break. He has tried to prove his innocence but I am not focused on the relationship as of yet, all my effort is making sure my baby is okay and has the best start to live
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2013): Please try to remain calm for the sake of your pregnancy. Your first thought is for the baby and you. Just focus on that. If your man is a good one, he will stay and it will work, and if he is a wrong'un that will show itself very quickly once the inevitable strains and streses of family life come along.
You just have to sit tight and think of you and the baby. Allow things to pan out in the course of time.
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A
female
reader, bunny2k35 +, writes (10 January 2013):
Hi hun I really feel for u I am pregnant and I have been forced to leave my husband for many reasons your baby has you and u Will love it endlessly maybe your boyfriend Will make a better father than boyfriend I know it feels like u Will be losing everything but u are goin to gain in the long run sweet u Will find someone else worthy of your love lots of luck and good luck with the birth of your baby x
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 January 2013):
 Soooo, OP... may we conclude that his sorry a$$ will be out by nightfall.... and this matter is "closed"?????
Isn't it crazy what we guys will do to act stupid????
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 January 2013):
 well I can tell you that my ex husband had NOTHING when he met me...
he opted to leave me... I made over 3 times what he made, I owned the house, I paid the bills and was the adult in the family. He still opted to go live in his mommy's basement again rather than be with me.
there is no rhyme or reason to why folks do what they do sometimes and it hurts honey... but you are much better off knowing this now than in ten years.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't think he would be so stupid as he has nothing, no family, no income and no home. The house is legally mine as I pay all the bills, I pay for the clothes on his back, I pay for the food he eats and I pay for his stupid play station games. At the end I the day I shouldn't be playing adult so quickly but I did.I didn't realise it only took abit of eye candy for him to throw everything away.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 January 2013):
IF... he and this not-very-upstanding "friend" had only a romantic "slide by" then, perhaps, you should chalk the whole thing up to a learning process.... wherein HE learned that having a "real relationship" is not the same as liking one of the girls in the schoolyard.... AND, "that girl" learned that he is in a real relationship with YOU, and she ought to stay away from him.... and YOU learned that your B/F is still a bit immature.......
Soooo, everybody "ouches" a little bit... the matter goes past, and all three of you get on with life....
Try to temper your anger, and see if what I've described above can't come to pass.... EVERYBODY donates a little hurt....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 January 2013):
OP said: “he says she made a move on him and he took it to a social networking site to have hard evidence to show me” KUDOS to him for CREATIVITY in lying about why he did something. (end sarcasm) WOW what a great reason he made up when he was caught CHEATING on you!
you are not letting folks down if they don't know he's a liar and a cheater. tell them see what they say.
and babies do fine with single moms and visiting dads.
You guys are so young you are 19 now and you have been with this guy since you were what 17???
does your family KNOW he's a liar and a cheater?
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