A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When my girlfriend and I began to date, she told me she wouldn't mind if I had "women on the side" as long as she was #1. I laughed and dismissed the idea as silly at the time. She is from Indonesia (very smart and a citizen of the U.S. now) and I know it may be a cultural thing, but I didn't think much about it at the time. It has been about a year since we have been together and recently she has mentioned that she'd like to see me with two other women while she video-taped it. She says she is not into women so I am not sure what to make of her comment. If she had only mentioned it once, I would dismiss it, but she has said this several times. I would be lying if I said that this did not turn me on and she knows that I "appreciate" variety, as we have discussed it. I would like to pursue it, but I love my girlfriend and do not want to hurt her.How do I make sure that this would be okay and find out what her intentions are to get me to engage in this? Talk to her is one answer, but how do I approach such a sensitive issue without making her feel inadequate? Help! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (28 December 2009):
 My question to her would be, "Who do you have in mind?" Does she have a couple of girlfriends who have agreed or expressed interest? And additionally, I would recommend that you tell her to keep your face out of the picture, and make sure of it in the final cut.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): We talk freely with each other. I have asked her several times in different ways if she wanted to have sex with other men, but she emphatically says no every time that I ask. I am fairly open-minded and want her to be happy, as well. If sleeping with other men is what makes her happy, then I wouldn't stop her if she did it safely, but I believe her when she says it isn't.
My worry is that she is just proposing this because she thinks it would make me happy and, what's worse, she would actually facilitate it out of that desire to make me happy and get hurt in the process. I am all for being self-serving for someone, but not to the extent that it damages the other party and ultimately the relationship.
I think you guys are heading in the right direction and that I will have to strategically and gently probe this issue with her. Last night she said "I bet you would be able to handle two women at the same time" again. This is definitely unfamiliar waters for me...
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A
female
reader, LethalInjection-x  +, writes (28 December 2009):
 I personally think it sounds like she really does like the idea of this. However, don't rush into it, as even though the fantasy appeals to her, the reality may not.. which could lead to problems with your relationship later.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (28 December 2009):
Well first of all, you need not bring it up. You say that she has suggested this several times, so perhaps she will advance the matter again. If you wish to encourage her to suggest it, then the next time the two of you are doing something sexual, say something like, "We should be taping this."
It is true that her repeated suggestion could be a test of your fidelity, but perhaps not. I do think that it might be something she would enjoy because of her insistence. And you admit that you are intrigued and "appreciate variety," although you say that you love her.
I'll relate another true DoubleM story from the past. lol Since I'm now considered an "old man" by younger folks, I rarely have any more recent excitement to impart.
About 40 years ago, a live-in girlfriend showed up at our apartment one day with an attractive friend of hers. I had met the other girl before, and also had met her boyfriend. Anyway, they sat me down and my girlfriend said that her friend wanted to taste and swallow my cum.
Well, I naturally suggested that her boyfriend should do it, but the girl told me that she repeatedly asked him and he always refused. My girlfriend, who drained me almost daily along with our other sexual activities, insisted that she would be fine with it, and wanted to watch and help instruct her friend.
My impression was that my girlfriend was testing my fidelity, so even after the girls kept insisting, I resolutely refused. It turned out that they soon after found some other guy (or guys) to accommodate them both, which ended the relationship with my girl and I moved out. To this day, I regret having lost that opportunity, but it still turns me on just thinking about it.
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A
male
reader, nice boy +, writes (27 December 2009):
 if it turns you on tell her that you are just curious why she would like to do this. if the answer may lead to her getting hurt tell her that you are worried about her reaction and it should bew clear what to do fromt there. good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009): Well I'm no expert, but if u ask me I'd tell her I'm not comfortable with the idea.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 December 2009):
I think you do need to gently ask her why she wants this to happen. Maybe just ask her directly why she would like to see you with two other women. It could be a test, or maybe it really does turn her on. But you won't know unless you ask. So I think you do need to speak to her honestly about it.
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