A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a divorced father of two children, 11 and 9 years old. My current girlfriend has never been married and would like to have children. She has pretty much given me an ultimatum, "have another child with me or our relationship is over." Quite honestly I do not want more children. What can I tell her? We have been together for just over one year. I love her, but fear that if I say no, she will leave me. What should I do?
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female
reader, Midge  +, writes (28 August 2008):
 I think the thing that everyone is trying to get across is the fact that this is a big decision, and it will affect both of your lives. I dont believe that anyone should give up their dreams and wishes of being a parent because one person doesnt want anymore kids, because they already have kids. However, you obviously love this girl, so if you want to stay with her and you are in love with her, one way or other you either have to compromise and concead to having another child, or part and let her have her dream with someone else. Although I totally understand where you are coming from, you may not understand the feeling that a woman feels when she wants kids and she isnt "a spring chicken" anymore. You need to think long and hard about your reasons for not wanting anymore kids, be it financial or other, then sit down and discuss them with her. Put everything on the table.
A
female
reader, snicker +, writes (28 August 2008):
 crikey mate your in a tough decision you should think about this mate take some time alone get the kids a baby sitter to give your time to think and if you want a antother kid then what the hey go right on ahead mate but if you dont tell you gf she the girl you love telll her mate hope this help :)
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (27 August 2008):
 "I knew she would probably want kids, but she knew I had two when we started dating."
Then you weren't listening to your inner voice right from the beginning. This day was bound to come. To have or not have kids is a dealbreaker. One of my uncles failed in his first marriage because one wanted kids while the other did not.
If you don't want more kids, then let her go so she can find a man who has similar wants. To continue this relationship is to live a lie. Good luck and take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): It sounds like she sees you as nothing more than a sperm donor. If the only reason she is with you is so she can have children then she can't really love you. It would be best to end this now so you can find someone who will love you for you and not your ability to reproduce.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (27 August 2008):
Well if she is your age then her biological clock is ticking, he chances of being a mum are getting slimmer and if she wants to have one then she needs to find a man to share that experience with her.
If she was 20 years younger I would say that an ultimatum is unreasonable, but at her age she needs you to make a decision and do it quick.
If you really don't want a baby with her then let her go to find someone who can be a dad with her. It's not fair on you but unfortunately that is just the way of it with this situation.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionStarismine,
I have not lead her on. This conversation has only just come up. I knew she would probably want kids, but she knew I had two when we started dating. I think I know what my answer is to her, but at the same time, I do not want to hurt her feelings, as she is the sweetest girl. But letting this go any further would certainly hurt her more I think.
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (27 August 2008):
You're in a bit of a catch 22 situation I'm afraid! Its a natural instinct for her to want kids considering her age and yours. I totally understand what she says, that she wants kids but to be honest, I think she has gone about it the wrong way. Ultimatums NEVER work!
You have to understand that she is at that stage in her life that her body is telling her that she is mentally and physically ready to have kids, and that its a natural thing to have kids now.
You have been there and done that, and I think to stop her from doing something that she really wants isnt right either.
Whatever you decide you are not going to get what you want, so you need to come to some compromise. Maybe compromise on one kid, rather than a whole bunch. Remember she would like to experience having kids whereas you have already done that, so it wouldnt be right to say no, but at the same time I sympathise with you becuase you have already got kids.
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A
female
reader, starismine1 +, writes (27 August 2008):
 You are doing her a big disservice by dating her and leading her on. But why don't you want another child? Is it strictly based on financial reasons? If you truly love her and want her to be happy, have a child with her or set her free to find the happiness she deserves. Yes, you will lose her, but you will also lose the chance to have a child's love as well.
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