A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have 4 children and in my heart I still want more. My husband had a vasectomy nearly 2 years ago as he doesn't want any more. I haven't been able to get past this and our relationship is about to end. Can anyone help me find a way to accept and be ok with the saddness I am feeling. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, abbeymom  +, writes (29 August 2008):
 Awww I didn't mean to make you cry. I just understand how you feel. I'm not fond of pregnancy either, but having a child with someone you love is amazing and I'd love more. Five... six... seven would be good.It's hard when your heart has more room to love more and nobody to give it to. So... only solution. Love the kids you have with everything you have. And love your partner.If I had to choose over leaving my husband to have kids with someone else willing to give them to me because my eggs are still good and hubby can't. I'd choose hubby. Because really when it's all said and done, the kids grow up and move away and there's nothing better than having someone hold your hand at the end of the day.Think of it this way, prep your four now and tell them you want five grandchildren from each of them lol. You'll make an amazing grandmother hun and be able to love them all.I wish you well in love, spirits of happiness, and less pain in your heart on this issue.Good luck!~ Abbeymom
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your imput. Abbymom I couldn't stop crying while reading your response. Thank you for taking the time to let me into your life.
Emilysanswers - I am a mother to the children I already have, I love them, care for them, am greatful and blessed to be as lucky as I am - having 4 healthy wonderful children. Unfortunately that doesn't lessen the felling I have still wanting more.
What do I crave - kids. I'm not overly fond of being pregnant or the delivery, it is the outcome that makes it ok. Being a surrogate mother is out of the question - the laws aren't great in Australia and I doubt I could go through pregnancy to hand the baby over, my partner is not interested in being a Foster parent, nor will he agree to me donating my eggs so that someone not as fortunate as me still has a chance of being a mother. The donating eggs came about after vasectomy, I realised my reproductive parts were a waste of space all of the sudden, and if I couldn't use them it would have been nice to help someone else.
oh, and we have a small dog which unfortunately I am not very fond of!!
Again thank you both for your response, I would love to get some more.
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A
female
reader, abbeymom +, writes (27 August 2008):
Oh hun I feel your pain. This is a tough situation. I know what it is like. My husband got the procedure done two months after our first child together was born. He was born with complications and his reasons for doing it wasn't because of just not wanting more kids, due to money and space and time management. You know all those things.
My husband was scared of losing me. He loves our kids very much. He loves me. Watching me struggle through the pregnancy he admitted was too difficult. Watching me give birth was equally hard.
I still cry because we lost a child before our little one was born. She was a girl and now when I see babies I get very emotional and think desperately of wanting another child.
My husband told me maybe in time we can adopt. In the meantime I try to think of the wonderful children I have, the loving husband and do other things to keep my mind off what I wish for and concentrate on what I have.
My advice would be to seek counseling if you can and talk to your husband about your feelings. Find out his feelings and maybe take some time without the kids for yourselves and see if you can salvage your marriage.
I hope this helps.
~ Abbeymom
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (27 August 2008):
Well babies are going to grow up and turn out like your children. What is wrong with being a mother to the ones you already have?
Get more involved in their lives and try to accept that the time of hourly feeds and smelly nappies has gone, but now you have all the advantages of watching your 4 children get older.
What is it about a new baby that you crave? If it's the pregnancy and giving birth then why not be a surrogate for a couple who can't have any kids.
Or you could foster children who need temporary care in a loving home.
If you really need something small to cuddle and dote on then perhaps get a lap dog? I know it is not the same but if it will save your marriage then it's worth a try?
Good Luck!! xx
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