A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been dating an older girl (by a few years) for a little over a year. She says she is very into me and that I am her world, as she is mine. From the start, my girl had a lot of baggage for me to handle, which I didn't mind at first because it was nothing I couldn't handle and I really liked her. Later on however, details of her past, like past partners and things she's not proud of, came to light (mostly accidentally) and I had a hard time coping with them. After a while I was able to look past it and keep the relationship going. Although things have been going pretty good relationship wise, another thing has come up. Lately she has mentioned a few times that she is unsatisfied, not by me in particular, but by how her life turned out in general. She graduated college last summer with very high marks, yet she has found herself working at a department store, I can understand how that would be disappointing. Nonetheless, the thing that bothers me is that she sometimes wishes that I was older so that she could already start a family with me. I'm only 20 and still in college, so I don't have the money or time to start a family. She knows this and ends up being depressed, which leaves me depressed because I feel like I've done something wrong by being too young. I know feeling bad for not being older is stupid and she doesn't purposely make me feel this way, but it's hard not to feel that way, you know? Anyway, any advice or perhaps similar stories you would like to share would be great. Otherwise thanks for reading my venting.
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male
reader, doublejack +, writes (19 January 2011):
This is eerily similar to my history. When I was 21 and still in college, I met a woman who was 26 at the time. This girl had a lot of baggage that came out, and it was difficult for me to handle at times but I managed to keep it together. After some months, I started to get pressure from her. She wanted marriage. She wanted kids. I was still growing up myself at the time, so I definitely wasn't ready for these things!
I caved. We got engaged, and a year later we were married. We were perpetually broke because I never got time to establish myself, but at the age of 24 (her almost 30) we had a child.
HUGE MISTAKE! I love my daughter so I wouldn't change anything, but I realize now that this was a relationship that never could have worked. Neither her nor I were ever truly happy, we just weren't right for each other.
It is for these reasons why I don't believe an older woman / younger man make a good couple, and the statistics bear that out. Few of these couples make it in the long run.
My advice is to enjoy the relationship to the extent that you can, but don't allow yourself to be pressured into something you're not ready for! If she gets too depressed or too demanding, you'll know that it has run its course.
A
female
reader, viccra78 +, writes (19 January 2011):
First thing to remember is that the past is the past...there is nothing that she or you can do to change it so why dwell on it. Everyone has skeletons in their closets.
As for her feeling like her life hasn't measured up, that has nothing to do with you. I think that everyone thinks that at some point in their lives. When you are younger you picture how your life should be (what you think it should be) and when things don't go that why (which they usually don't) yeah, it can be disappointing.
I would also say, don't minimize if she is unhappy with her job. What did she go to college for? Does her current employment have anything to do with what she is doing now? Granted the economy is terrible right now and she should be happy to have a job at all, it still might not be what she wants to do.
Maybe things are just overwhelming her right now. Be patient and help her through it.
Good luck!
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