A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I m in a relationship since last 4 yrs. We surely knew we are in love wit each other before saying it to each other. Tats 4 sure coz even my gf confirmed this. Before we committed, my gf used to talk late night from 12 am to 3.30am with a friend of mine. She never told me this thing, in fact i got 2 kno this fm a frnd of mine who happens to be roommate of this guy she used to chat wit(the guy was my frnd and she knew him since last one day). She never told me until i asked her. Finally she confessed, and said this happened only once and the conversation they had was abt me. She says she wanted to kno fm him tat wat kind of boy i am b4 finally committing 2 me(although we wer frnds for 3yrs). Moreover how can she trust the info given by a guy abt me whom she knows since last 1day, although shes my frnd since last 3yrs. As i trusted her a lot i didnt gave it a thot any more. Later i realised tat wen i miss her and call her sometimes at ngt, she gives me bullshit excuses. One day i even caught both of their cells engaged at same time while they were chatting. Wen i ask her abt tat late ngt call incident, she says she had a good sleep tat afternoon tats y chatted wit my frnd late ngt. So i think tat if she can talk 2 my frnd late ngt, wats d problem in talking wit me. Doesnt this seems to be a bullshit reason? Afterall m her bf, i luv her, i miss her a lot. Dont i hav this right? After this incident m not able to trust her. I feel doubts wen she cuts my call, if shes nt picking up my call, and mostly wen her cell is busy. I started thinking wer she might be now? Wat she might be doing now? With whom she might be now? Due to these things i've gone made. M nt able to concentrate on my career. They discussed lots of things on condition tat non of them will ever tell this 2 me. They even planed 2 meet each other behind me and she agreed. My mind keeps on asking me why she did like this wit me? These things keeps revolving in my mind. After this incident i restricted her to talk less to guys, but she argues wit me on this topic. She doesnt realize her mistake and dont even feel shameful. I truely love this girl and wanna marry her, but wat if she repeats this after marriage? Sometimes i m nt able to trust her as i used to trust her b4. Seriously i dont like wen she talk 2 guys coz wen she talks 2 guys her tone is over sweet and overfriendly and not normal tone. I keep on thinking wat else they must hav talked. I feel like m cheated, sometimes wen m alone, i feel to cry a lot. Why this thing happened wit me. There are lots of incidents due to which i dont feel 2 trust her. Look guys, i seriously Love this girl a lot. This is my first and last true love. I really wanna marry this gal fm my heart. I really wanna Trust her, but its nt possible 4 me to trust her sometimes. She dont tell me her whereabouts, her plans, i dont even kno wat she is doing? Wer is she? Is she ok? I get worried and also get doubts on her. I hav gone mad thinking all these things. She dont even feel guilty 4 wat she has done wit me. I will never be able to forget tat phone calls incidents and i wont be able 2 forgive her if she repeats it again. I truely luv her and even she claims 2 luv me. I can tolerate any obstacle in my life, but i can never tolerate infidelity and cheating on me. M going through lot of pain coz of her past acts. Dont i deserve faithfullness fm her? Dont i deserve her love and time? Dont i deserve my share of happiness? Dont i deserve 2 live my life? Dont i deserve peace of mind? Dont i deserve to stay Alive?
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engaged, her past, infidelity, roommate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 hi
alarm bells! as you know. find someone who doesn't make you jealous by talking to your friend for 3 and half hours at night (unless the guy was a good friend of hers already, there is no cause for her to speak to him for this long at night) (and IF your other friend wasn't a room mate who overheard the call do you believe that you ever would have found out about it???) find someone who doesn't arrange to a man behind your back, doesn't speak in a flirtatious way to other men. doesn't lie to you when you question her until she 'finally confesses'and doesn't mind you knowing where goes. you don't trust her and that may be something that is your problem BUT she is not helping matters. make a list of all her good and bad points and then decide is she lovable or not. she says that she loves you. judge her by her actions, not what she says. if you really think you can work things out with her, then that's great BUT if you decide to split from her just remember, yes it will feel horrible for you but you WILL get over it
xx
A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1  +, writes (12 January 2011):
Wow. It sounds like you truly love her. She does not feel she is doing anything wrong. My bf feels he can't fully trust me because I am a flirt. It took me years to realize i was actually a serious flirt, I had to find that out on my own. It may take her time to see her wrong doings. I think you need to talk to her about how you are feeling or pull back and give her less attiention. When she asks you why you have been distant tell her how she has made you feel.
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