A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well i am having problem with my wife regarding our views toward sex and I need advice. We are from Asia and have been in the States for 10 years. My wife was brought up with the view that sex is a bad thing. She would feel that she is "used" as a sex toy when I want it, and reluctant to wear sexy lingerie or take a variety of poses. No to mention any fancy lovemaking in the bathtub, kitchen or even living room.I promise I am always gentle and patient to her. Almost every time I give her oral until she cummed and then I can start penetrating. It sometimes takes over 30 minutes and my tongue just becomes dumb and exhausted and my desire goes off and on and off. And I seldom request her to give me oral as she doesn't like it. It’s ironic that I am more like a "sex toy" than she is.Our situation is complicated as we are in long distance over half of every year in the past four years and the fact that my body seems to secrete more hormone than normal. Now we are still far from each other. I'm indulged in watching porn and giving myself almost two or three times daily. In my life I have important things to do but i can't focus on them until i am released. This is very harmful to my health but I cannot get rid of it.My wife is coming in a few weeks but in fact I don't expect too much. In the past even when we were together we seldom do it more than twice a week. She didn't want it, and I was tired of the oral work as foreplay. I would rather watch porn and do it myself. She said she felt insulted when I watched porn, but she is also insulted when I want it from her.Other than this problem I love her. She is kind, joyful and pleasant. She has no job and we have an autistic child, so I would take the responsibility and would not consider divorce. I just tried telling her that there is not so much gender equality, dignity, respect and rationality in couple sex, that we should just enjoy it, that I feel so good and soul-connected to her when i am in her. But I am not good at persuasion and it's so hard to change her conservative view that she carried from childhood. BTW, up to her high school she still thought that a woman would get pregnant by touching hands with a man.Please give me advice on how to convince her to enjoy sex and not to think that she is a sex toy for me.Also I thought of finding escort girls. I can persuade myself as I want sex only nothing else. But I know she would be hurt so I haven't done it yet. But I am not sure I can control myself forever. What do you think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): Escort girls? no, no, no. Best not to go looking for cause for divorce. I think your best option is to talk to your wife. Sit down and have an honest discussion with her about what you're feeling. Make suggestions, but be patient.
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