A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Girlfriend split with me but wont let me go.She said she couldn’t be with me at the moment but gave no reason why. We had been going out together for over a year, everything seemed good, and I was heartbroke as I thought we had a very strong relationship. She said her head is messed up and that I shouldn’t wait for her because she doesn’t know how long she will be like this. She says she doesn’t want anyone else but me. Then she said she would be devastated if I met some one else, and that she wouldn’t blame me if I did. She telling me she doesn’t want me, and telling me she’d be hurt if anyone else had me. If it was a clean break, it would be just as hurtful, but at least I’d know it was over for good and could move on.We love each other very much and I am at a loss as to what to do. I could wait around for months years, and she could still be like this. Or I could move on, meet someone else, and she could decide she wants me back. I don’t want anyone else, but I don’t want a life of waiting around for something that might not happen.Everyone I know is saying, is she loved me as much as she says, she wouldn’t have split with me and would have tried to get over her problem together with me.They all say leave her and move on, but I cant because she is my world!
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (1 March 2009):
 It appears that what you are dealing with is a very mixed up young lady. If you love her and aren't in any real hurry to move on I would suggest backing off and waiting. A heart that is hurting is sometimes almost too unbearable to even speak of. You must think hard on what you really want out of the relationship. Now that it is broken, it maybe possible to regain the calm but it is also not a given.
If she really loves you, it's most likely that when given the time away from you, she will begin to feel differently about being without you! You need to back off pretty much completely. Give your ex a real shock when you don't seem to around or even giving the apperance that you are even slightly interested anymore. Do things that will less frequently put your presence near her. Don't talk about her to anyone, unless you have a close confidante. The less said, the less stress you will be putting on her emotionally. This should help to give her a new perception of the relationship you retain now as (FRIENDS).
You must remain the person you really are without giving so much of yourself directly to her. How long you can or will wait is up to you. There is no telling what is underlying deep in her mind or heart that is causing her to have bolted like this. You MUST GIVE HER SPACE! Remember to protect your heart because sometimes things don't ever return back to the way they were. When she is seeing you out with other friends, doing things WITHOUT HER and if she truely feels the lonliness of being without YOU, she is going to have to get her feelings in check. There is no certainty of the outcome but if she is IN LOVE WITH YOU she will begin to feel this in her entire body and soul.
You must keep your best interest at heart here. Even though you love her you must not allow her to control all of your thoughts and actions. If you do this you will be letting go of yourself to love her thus loosing who you really are. This can allow you to become really detatched, lonely and depressed not to mention heartbroken.
It sounds as though she really cares for you. She knows that you are a good guy and you give her the emotional support and love that she needs. Trust me, she is aware that you WILL do pretty much anything for her. This is bound to make her want to keep you close and on a string, just in case she can't find anyone else who is like you! She knows JUST HOW YOU FEEL...and you are putting it out there for her in every way. You have to take back the control, not by being rude or downright ugly, not by ignoring her or walking away....but by standing your grounds and not letting her walk over you.
Allow her a friendship, but don't be so AVAILABLE and DON'T LET HER CONTROL YOU BY BEING UPSET OR TELLING YOU SHE IS ABOUT TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE OR BEING WITH SOMEONE ELSE. I would wait about seeing anyone else if you love her, you can be friends with someone, no problem. Hanging out in crowds or with the guys can make a difference because it gives you oppoturnity but you can take your time in dating anyone even though you may meet someone.Weight your options and give the time you will allow. If she doesn't get her mind straight about you in that alloted time, I would suggest you move on.
*JUST A NOTE...GIVING UP TO QUICKLY CAN BE A BAD MOVE, BUT HANGING ON TOO LONG CAN CAUSE MORE HEARTACHES. CHOOSE YOUR PATH AND KNOW THAT WHATEVER DECISION YOU MAKE NOW WILL AFFECT YOU FROM THIS DAY FORWARD. SEEKS GOD'S WILL AND YOUR HEARTS DESIRE BUT CHOOSE WELL FOR TODAY IS WHAT COUNTS THE MOST IN THE OUTCOME OF YOUR FUTURE.
My best to you always,
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (1 March 2009):
Well there right, move on, it is hard to do after a year but in a way she may be a bit jelouse-or controling also. She probably does love you in her heart and just wants to see what else is out there, not knowing your age I dont know. But start fresh remain friends if you can (that is hard to do)but move on, she most likely wants something else,that doesnt mean you did anything wrong-some things just didnt click. It takes a lifetime to get to know someone-Really!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): Just take in what 'everyone you know' is saying because they're probably right. There's nothing quite as attractive as something you can't have, or something you turned down and regret, so my advice would be to move on and start playing the field again. You might not feel as attracted to any new partner as much as you did to her, but if she sees that you're out having some fun she just might realise it's you she really wants and makes some effort to get back with you.
If you hang around her like some lovesick teenager she'll probably find that an unattractive trait, and play you like a fiddle. Ok, she's probably the best you've come across yet, but the chances are that there's someone else out there who is better for you. You won't find that person sitting at home moping about so get back out there and start enjoying your life again. You're only here once and life isn't a rehearsal for the real thing!!
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