A
male
age
41-50,
*776
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for five years. In the last couple of years she has become friends with a single man. It is more than obvious to me that he is attracted to her. She always tells me that they are just friends and she in not attracted to him. When i am not around she will share a bottle of wine with him have dinner and watch a movie together. When ever i bring up the fact that it makes me uncomfortable she gets very upset accuses me of not wanting her to have friends. I trust her and am not worried of her cheating on me. I feel that it is unhealthy for our relationship for her to hang out with men who might be in love with her. Am i out of line for feeling that way? If it were the other way around and i was doing this to her I would be in deep shit. She has pretty much told me if she cant continue this behavior with other men our relationship cannot continue. Thanks for your help Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Cloverfield  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 Well, I think she's spelled it out to you loud & clear..... if you try to make her chose between you & him, she'll pick him. I'd move on if I were you.
A
female
reader, GettingInYourBizness +, writes (5 August 2010):
 The first anonymous chick is right on somethings about as far as seeing you can get body language, etc. You already have a biased opinion so EVERYTHING will look like some kind of attraction..
Oh his hand grazed her when she passed the ketchup, or the way he looks at her, etc - so I wouldn't bother with that.
Have you asked her what would be the difference if you had a friend that was single and female? Ask, you can just bring it up casually, but it seems she's at the point that if you bring this up she will go flip on you.
On a personal experience, I have a really great guy friend, yes we're friends only (he did like me as more, but I wasn't interested in him that way, but we got along great, so we stayed friends). However, when I'm relationships he knows I tend to back off from dealing with him as much.
I tell the guys I'm with about him WAY in the beginning, so just in case they ever get in my e-mail or see a text message, they know it's just a friend, but majority of the time when I'm in a relationship out of respect for my partner (and as I wouldn't like him to have a female friend either) I pretty much cut off contact with the guy friend and keep it pretty minimal, to like phone calls.
Curious..if you knew her 5, and this friend popped up a couple years later, why didn't you nip this in the butt before it got like this?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): I can see where your coming from. I'm a girl and well, to say the least, I was pretty much the girl you have been describing. Though I'm 18, it should be the same.My boyfriend has expressed concerns about me hanging out with my best guy friend but I told him to not worry about it. I had actually thought (not said unlike her) that he didn't want me to friends because most of the guys I use to talk to I don't talk to much to ever since we started to go out.My best guy friend had liked me at some point and my boyfriend had found this out so he was unsettled when I went over to his house to play same video games or watch movies by myself.Eventually, I had stop going alone to his house and I brought him along to get to know him better. Oddly, they became great friends.Though, what I recommend you doing is finding out if the present guy actually likes her. Despite her saying they are only friends, it doesn't mean the other guy wants it that way. The only way you can do this (besides asking) is to watch how he interacts with her, if that's possible. I mean despite age, people do give out the body language when someone is into the other. Well, I don't think that's much of a problem since it does seem to me that he does like her.Again, you should talk to her. Tell her that despite her not being attracted to him, he doesn't feel comfortable with her going out with him since the guy may be interpreting the diners and movies as her being into him as well.Just explain to her that, you don't mind her relationships but at least suggest if he can go out with once in a while, in order to get the guy better (plus for the guy to get the message she has a boyfriend).Ahh, these are just my two cents __
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