A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so my girlfriend and I have been going out for about 2 months now. I like her a lot but there's something that concerns me and makes me think that maybe I should call this quits, for my own mental well being.She was previously in a 2 year long relationship that, from the way she makes it sound, was terrible and abusive. The guy was a complete ass, cheated on her, sleeps around, etc.He keeps calling/texting her and trying to get her to come back to him. She almost never answers, and when she does we usually put it on speaker for a laugh or something. You know, that doesn't bother me, but the following does.Sometimes she'll receive a particularly nasty text or something, and despite my urgings not to, answer it. Sometimes she's even moved to tears by what he says. I don't read them. Anyways, I confronted her about this, asking straight, "Do you still have feelings for your ex? If so, I won't be mad, but please don't waste my time." You know, I think she's mature enough and respects me enough to tell me straight. I get a response "No, I want you, it's just that he doesn't even care" I ask why this bothers her and she says she doesn't know. Although she says she wants him to fuck off and talks abrout restraining orders, she never acts. I think she is still in love with him. Am I wasting my time guys? Am I fighting a losing battle? Am I this girl's emotional tampon? :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Personally i would want to sort this guy out and shove that phone where the sun never shines. You are her b/f so its kind of your job to protect her. Try to stay out of jail doing it. As you have both decided to do nothing about it but argue it seems to me as you havent got the bottle to deal with this guy. So you should give your g/f an ulltimatum that she either takes legal steps to stop him contacting her or you will dump her. I dont think she wants to cut ties with him myself. Ex boyfriends are often the scum of the earth at least for a while after a split. Its automatic. You will be the anti christ if you dump that girl as well. Probably even if she dumps you. Its human nature.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOP here. You guys were right. There was another confrontation about this and I was recently told "I think I've been using you as an excuse not to go back to "the ex"". I broke up with her, right then, because obviously that's not going to fly, and now she's constantly bugging me and telling me that she knows for sure she wants to be with me etc etc.
I don't think I can believe her. Not going to waste time with someone that emotionally confused. Thanks for the help, all of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): Dude it sounds like a game she playing crying but don't know why. You don't read the messages. She most likely using you. Give her space for her self and find herself.
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A
female
reader, Elizabeth-Emma  +, writes (27 September 2009):
 This girl is so lucky to have you there, i think she may be feeling a bit anxious, she has been in an abusive relationship for 2 years maybe she feels she deserves how she was treated and its totally different territory she is in now as you respect her enough not to treat her like that. Her self esteem must be very low. a bit more patience with her would help and talk to her about it more. she needs to feel she doesnt need him to treat her badly to feel whole again.
i hope this helps, if you want more help please just ask.
;-] Elizabeth-Emma
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A
male
reader, Candleman +, writes (27 September 2009):
 Women tend to stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. In your case, the only thing that is important is that she could be one of those types of women. Either way, considering she isn't too far removed from this relationship, you're taking a huge risk investing too much emotion into it. Still crying...."he doesn't even care.." Doesn't know or want to say why this bothers her..... red flag, red flag, red flag.....
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A
male
reader, dudeman +, writes (27 September 2009):
it sounds to me like you are indeed a rebound victim. but before i make this assumption, you have to ask yourself how long after they broke up did you guys get together? was it within 2 months of the breakup? if so, she is most likely using you to get over the breakup. you need to tell her to make a choice. if shes going to be with you, she must never contact him again, if she decided to anyway or doesnt abide, then you need to let her go. if she truly had feelings for you, she would let him go and move on with you. let her decide. her actions will show her feelings
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