A
male
age
30-35,
*raydenJames
writes:So, my girlfriend told me she had a one night stand with a guy who was rather well endowed. She said it hurt, a lot, but it was good by the end of. We of course had some tension over this, I was jealous, she cried because she felt upset about telling me (and me feeling inadequate after it). She said it was the first time she had had good sex, and he wasn't aggressive, and that it was still good. I'm very aggressive in bed, and every girl I've ever been with has told me so, and I can't help but feel that if I was the same size as him I'd get by without the aggression, and make her feel just as good. She said size doesn't matter to her, and that I'd just have to trust her on that. She seems to like my size and said I'm her best sexual partner ever, him included. She was very adamant on this and refused to modify her claim at all regardless of what I said or how I phrased it; the best. I half believe it, but I'd be claiming she's a liar if I openly profess my doubt of her claim -- so, I do believe her (kinda). I'm over the jealousy regardless. I don't generally think it is right to post penis sizes online, most guys lie and add way too much to the actual size. However, just so you know where I am coming from my penis is 18cm (or 7 inches) and about 15cm around (5.9 inches). I don't think I'm small, but I'm certainly not able to "fill a whole condom" (8.5ish inches) like he was. She told me about a fantasy she had where I hit her cervix. OK, Yes I have hit her cervix and in many positions I can if I'm not careful (including missionary) but...it's not that easy to do if she's really aroused, to be honest. I became rather passive aggressive because I got angry that she's making unrealistic fantasies for me that I'd can't satisfy, while concurrently telling me size doesn't matter to her. I cannot hit her cervix time after time again in missionary position at 7 inches...sorry. I don't know what to do. My instinct is to let it slide, especially since I don't think she can emotionally cope with any more stress: she was so upset over making me feel jealous, she was sobbing hysterically.At the same time, I don't want her to make unrealistic standards for me, especially when I know she'll be disappointed when I can't meet them.I don't know what to do -- help?
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cervix, condom, jealous, liar, my penis, one night stand, penis size Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2012): The fact that my GF had a one-night-stand would bother me a lot more than how she felt about the guy's dick. I am not the casual sex type.
A
male
reader, BraydenJames +, writes (13 May 2012):
BraydenJames is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe likes me to be aggressive, take control, etc. She asked explicitly for it on man occasions. Most girls I have been with have basically asked, outright, for this...so, I guess that's just what I assume all girls like. I got the request to "pin me down" and "take complete control" so much it seemed like a logical conclusion. Maybe it's because I work out a lot and look strong? Or perhaps I'm just flattering myself. While I know it's not true for all girls, it has been true for all the girls I've been with. Of course we enjoy "love making" too, but just not as often, of course.She can finish from sex and does often. She can even have female ejaculation. In my experience, girls who have this ability care something about size.I'm obviously very good at oral sex, I've been having sex for a long time, so my ability to please her in that way is not really a question -- not to be over confident in that department, it's just true.She said she only enjoys her cervix being hit when she's extremely aroused -- makes her "feel completely full" whatever that really means. Otherwise, it makes her cry. Fine line.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2012): "I can't help but feel that if I was the same size as him I'd get by without the aggression, and make her feel just as good."
That sentence doesn't make sense to me at all BraydenJames. Aggression doesn't improve technique, it doesn't enhance the pleasure unless the girl likes it rough. In my experience most girls I've been with found aggressive sex as crappy and the guy being aggressive as trying to compensate. In fact one of the biggest gripes that women have about porn is that it has led lots of men to believe hard, fast and rough is the "right" way to have sex. Of course it all depends on the woman but most of the ones I've been with much preferred a guy who didn't pound them silly all the time but was able to use his size and shape to get the right motion at the right angles. A guy who didn't get carried away all the time and spent time, getting the technique right that would give the woman the best sensation.
BraydenJames I really think you're over-reacting and over-thinking things here, you seem to have no clue how it actually works for women. Size is almost never an issue unless you have a monster or a micro. You fall into the range of above average and yet you still have penis envy to the point where you feel you have to brutal to compensate? That shows a distinct lack of knowledge to me and so does the fact that you have put so much expectation on yourself. BraydenJames she didn't apply any standards to you at all. You just took what she said and warped it to fit into penis envy. Dude what makes you think women want to be hurt when they have sex? You need to stop watching porn because good sex is absolutely nothing like you see in porn, dude she can feel every millimetre of you when you enter her, you don't need to pound just so she'll get sensation and for a lot girls pounding actually can desensitize the area after a little while.
You have to get over your penis envy. I've read surveys recently in which 70% of women stated they preferred an average size penis. Only 11% said they liked large and 19% didn't care. It has and always will be about technique. And aggressive is generally not good technique.
First off if I'm right that you watch porn then you need to stop. Porn sex is not good sex and the penis' in porn are abnormally big too, seeing as you're so prone to getting the wrong idea about sexual matters then porn is only going to make things worse.
If I'm wrong then you have to stop throwing a hissy fit about sexual matters because:
A. Aggressive does not mean good, it does for some girls and it does sometimes, but it's much more important that you take time, you try different positions and angles and you focus on the sounds she makes, her body movements toguide you as to what works. Remember only 25% of women can orgasm from penetration.
B. Given that fact, giving head and giving good head is one of the most important aspects of sexual satisfaction. Always ensure there's plenty of that in your sex life.
C. The only advantage to having a big dick is giving a girl that "filled" feeling but "filled" is a novelty most women can do without. Again your size is fine to make a girl feel filled and I still don't get how you could be jealous of a guy who has to be slow and careful because of his size. Most girls haven't got porn star vaginas OP, big can be too painful to be fun.
D. The cervix thing, what's all that about? How do you expect to be a good lover if you're girlfriend is scared to communicate her fantasies to you because of your over-emotional reactions to them? You're turning everything she says into a negative reflection on you, why is that? There is nothing negative in anything she has told you yet you had her in tears? You got petulant when she told you a meaningless thing about her cervix? I just don't get why you find every excuse to doubt yourself, you make everything she says into something that upsets you, dude you're just going to make her afraid to tell you anything and how are you supposed to know what she does or doesn't like if she can't communicate her needs to you.
You need to get rid of your black and white thinking. Sex isn't an all or nothing thing, it's about having fun, not putting pressure on yourself to be the best ever, every time because that's not going to happen.
Get over your insecurities somehow OP, don't ask her about ex's, try and stop being so over-emotional about this whole thing and I'd ask her if aggressive sex is what she likes too but given how you react to this kind of thing I wouldn't be surprized if she said she did like it because she's too scared of how you react. Because be honest dude, you take sex stuff really badly. Fix that and it would serve you well to do some research OP. Go online and search for what women like best about sex, how they like it done and what works for them.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (13 May 2012):
 I'm confused as to why she would volunteer this information about her previous sex life. Unless you forced her to tell you? Previous sex partners do not matter and shouldn't be discussed. Men (including you) can get very hung up on penis size. When another male's size is mentioned (bigger than yours) the other male develops this complex about their own penis. Thus complicating the sex life with their partner.
Does or doesn't she want you to be aggressive? I'm not clear on that either. It sounds as if she doesn't like your aggressive nature in bed.
If you hit her cervix before then you should be fine. I'd focus on making her orgasm but oral or her on top and you stimulating her clitoris. Let this size ordeal slide.
I'll be honest, while a big penis is nice (just for the record I like average to big) it still doesn't get me to orgasm. I only orgasm (and most women) through clitoral stimulation. In your girlfriend's case, I would think an orgasm is more important than being well endowed.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (13 May 2012):
 In my experience kid most if not all women prefer a big dick. I find that your gf was possibly comparing u to the bigger guy and she knows he was better and enjoyed sex with him.more but felt guilty about feeling that n apologized. Id ask ur gf for reassurance she is happy with ur size n also that she bring up no more of her sexual past as it can create issues between u two.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 May 2012):
 First of all, I did not quite get it from your post, but : does she like you to be aggressive ? Does she wants you, or asks you , to be aggressive ?
If she does, fine. Otherwise, don't assume that you HAVE to be very aggressive in bed , some women do not particularly like it , at least not every time, and in fact it may be a turn off. There's no accounting for sexual tastes, so, just in case,- make sure she is OK with your aggressive style and not just going along with it to make you happy.
If you feel that you have to be very aggressive to compensate your size, - you are misinformed. You are above average both in length ( average : 5.1 - 5.9) and girth ( 4.6- 5.1 ).
Most women are perfectly honest when they say they don't give a damn about size - also because many women can't orgasm just by penetration only, so whether you have a thimble or a table leg eventually does not make much difference. Anyway, technically speaking, what 's most useful for intensity of sensation is girth, not length.
As for hitting her cervix, again and forgive me if it's a dumb question, is it a fantasy, or something which she enjoys IRL ? Because some women, for instance, fantasize about being raped, but they would not want to be really raped ! Or they get turned on in theory by lesbian sex, or anal play, or etc.etc., but they don't want to do it in real life. A fantasy is a fantasy.
I am saying this because you both call it a fantasy and say you strive to do it regularly. Again, make sure that is what she really enjoys- many women hate having their cervix hit , it hurts !
If you MUST hit her cervix, I think doggy style is better than missionary.
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