A
male
age
41-50,
*ubMaxillary
writes:recently i found out something about my gf's sexual past with one of her ex's that was TMI and in my opinion, borderline deal-breaker. we've talked about it a couple times and was making good tracks on moving past it because i think she's worth it, and she understands how i could be pretty upset about having those images put in my mind.now, in a few weeks she's going to a friend's wedding, which i knew about, and was/am not invited, as she had RSVP'd before we got together; about two months ago. i didn't think too much about it until i found out that this 'friend' is the ex about whom is the basis of the whole issue. i made my despondency of the situation known in no uncertain terms, and that i "cannot abide by it", to which i didn't get a definite response. i really wouldn't care that much it if it weren't for what i know about what their relationship involved. i mean, in my book, it's one thing to be on good terms with the exes. i'm on good terms with pretty much of mine. i fully endorse an amicable parting of ways, but to carry on a relationship with an ex over the course of other relationships is something other and does not sit well with me.now, i'm not putting up any ultimatums. i've left it to her as to whether she'll still attend this wedding. which, thus far as i can tell, she will, but the jury's still out on that one.so am i being so unreasonable to expect her leave this 10-years-gone relationship in the past in light of our new relationship; to un-RSVP now that we're together, or is my position entirely/at-all legitimate?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): i totally agree with the person below me!. i, too am getting married and both myself and my fiancee have numerous ex's in attendance. I think she should take you, however i think your over reacting a bit. Good Luck!(Mod Note: Please use proper paragraph formatting. There is no reason why each sentence needs to be on a line by itself.)
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (31 March 2009):
 I guess I'm not seeing why YOU'RE feeling upset. I get that you don't like the past she has with this guy, but she's going to an event that marks him NOT marrying her and moving on with his life, leaving your girlfriend far, far away. On that day he will COMMIT to his non-feelings for your woman. This is about as far away from a date or anything suspicious as you can get. She wants to attend to celebrate with him, his foreverlove with someone else!
I'm about to get married this summer and have a bundle of exes in attendance, but only because they're great friends of mine and now my fellas. Inviting them to a wedding was just about the ultimate platonic move, and them accepting was just as platonic. My fella will have an ex or two there, but I don't care! I'm the one marrying him, baby.
I think that you should chill about the wedding. She has RSVPed and it wouldn't be classy to go back on that.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): I don't know, I'd say support her, tell her you wouldn't want her to miss such an important event - use a little reverse psychology. I'm guessing if you seem less jealous and more nonchalant (don't be sarcastic or passive aggressive though) then she might even change her mind and wonder why you don't care. Perhaps she gets off on this kind of drama. Stop giving her attention for it and act like you don't give a damn. She might come running back to you, apologizing.
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A
male
reader, SubMaxillary +, writes (31 March 2009):
SubMaxillary is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTMI = Too Much Info
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 March 2009):
 Somebody help me out here. What's a TMI, I hope it doesn't have anything to do with butt plugs.
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (31 March 2009):
 My question is how does this guy's fiance' feel about having someone that her future husband has slept with at her wedding?
I know my fiance' would not appreciate that at all. I wouldn't dream of having someone I was previously intimate with at our wedding. Who wants to deal with jealousy on your wedding day?
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