A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal for your partner to talk about their ex so much? I’m guessing not. Been with my girlfriend for 2 months and I’ve lost count of the amount of times she’s mentioned him already. They still message each other a lot and she even gushed about how good he apparently was in bed (She said this this to a friend and not directly to me, though I was in the room at the time). Clearly she still has feelings for him and vice versa, should I even bother trying to make this work? I’m not one for hanging around and wasting my time on things that blatantly won’t work, I think this past year has shown that life is too short. Don’t get me wrong I really like her and she claims she’s 100% committed to our relationship but seriously, who still talks about their ex like they’re the bees-knees? They’re exes for a reason aren’t they? It proper winds me up but she can’t see anything wrong with it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2021): Dude, if that happens to me then it's time to say goodbye and move on. And if we're talking about being committed in your relationship as what she said, she must know the limitations. Mentioning her past relationship and telling that he was good in bed is way overboard.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2021): I think your instincts about this are good. If she's still hung-up on her ex, you're wasting your time; and you don't want to be some rebound-romance she's holding as an emotional-hostage, until she gets her old boyfriend back. If you feel edgy about it, I think you already know what to do about it.
Then again, I have to take her age into account. If she's only 18, or in her early 20's, it's pretty common she's not quite over him. If he's her first serious relationship; he's going to be a thorn in your side for awhile. Not that you have to put-up with it. Judging by your post, you're not the kind of guy who will.
It has been only 2 months, but if you're planning to be exclusive in the near future; you've got to let her know that it's either him or you! You don't play second-fiddle to no other dude!
Hold-off on asking her to be your girlfriend; until you've established if she's trying to get back with him, and that she's not just using you. The way to find-out for sure, is to ask!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 July 2021):
 I suspect you already know the answer but, like many, you don't trust your gut instinct and need someone to confirm what you already feel to be true.
This girl is still - to all intents and purposes - in a relationship with the other guy. They are in contact, she talks about him all the time and "gushes" about his sexual prowess. The relationship is not over. Let her go back to him and sort out unfinished business. You deserve someone who knows what "100% committed" means, because this young lady sure as hell doesn't. My gut instinct tells me she is using you to make him jealous.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (28 July 2021):
 You claim she is 100% committed to your relationship, but reading your post this is far from the truth.
I don't believe that you should ever enter into a new relationship if you are still not over the previous one.
She is not over him, he is still very much on her mind, which is very unfair on you. How would her reaction be if there was an ex that you kept talking about all the time?.
To mention to a friend about how good he was in bed knowing you was within ear shot is an awful thing to do to somebody, she tried to belittle you and make you feel small, and it worked, no one should have to put up with this.
If she can't see anything wrong with this these i'm sorry to say she is silly and immature with a complete lack of respect.
Huge reds flags OP, i would ditch her and walk away from this relationship that she is roughly 25% in.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2021): Been there and worn the T-shirt. And guess what? She slept with him behind my back multiple times. Looking back I can't believe I invested 2 years of my life into our relationship to always play second fiddle to her ex. The good news is you've only invested 2 months of your life and can already see the signs. She won't change I'm afraid. Clearly she still holds a candle towards her ex. It is really, REALLY wrong for her to stil be messaging him when she's with you and gushing to her friend about how good he is in the sack whilst you're in the same room is completely disrespectful.
Let her go now, it's really not worth the hassle.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 July 2021):
 I'd let her go and wish her well.
She isn't over the ex.
You will constantly be compared to him.
She still keeps him around in her life...
Just Nah.
I have found that people who talk a LOT about an ex (negatively or positively) are either still attracted and/or attached to the ex by love or by love OF drama. AND they don't really have enough of a personality to talk about OTHER things in life. It becomes a default topic. Let's say you go mini-golfing on a date and she went one with the ex or talk about going... (doesn't matter) SHE will bring it up because HER life experience (outside of the ex) is minimal. Her life (probably) revolved around him.
When my husband (of almost 25 years) and I first met he DID talk about his ex - occasionally. And I made an "ex jar" so he had to give the jar a $ every time he brought up an ex. He kinda stopped pretty quick and in the end, we had a decent dinner with the $$.
No one wants to be compared to someone else. You are you, and he is another dude.
She sounds a bit immature. (which is OK if she is in her teens/early 20's)
"she claims she’s 100% committed to our relationship "
So why is she still talking to him? And no, he isn't a friend. He is an ex.
Listen to your gut.
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