A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need suggestions, advice, direction... Whatever you can give. Thank you in advance and apologies for any confusion. I promise to try my best to include everything of the topic. I am a married, stay at home mother of 3. I have found myself 7 years completely devoted to my family and their needs. There has been many ups and downs within my marrying, I am now at a point where I do everything that is asked without argument. I provide a clean home, with healthy meals. As well as coordinating events with our families, sacrificing my "free time/me time" so my husband could work late - as well as spend hours unpaid to start up a business. I have spoken of my displeasure of his many hours away from our family but regarded his reasoning and have remained well for the last 3 years. After everything with 2020, and drink drivers crashing into our house, to changing myself completely from taking medications for anxiety and seeking peace with what is around me. I cannot even begin to explain how I have truly changed from a low self-esteem woman to a confident she wolf... Yes... She wolf. I am extremely horny, all the time. Even in the beginning of our marriage I have had a HUGE hungry for sex. Sadly, my husband has the lowest drive I have ever seen. I am going on almost a year of no sex ( and before that sex once every 3-6 weeks) .... It's slowly tearing me apart. I have done everything. I have spoken about it,asked what I could do, have worked out and have a well taken care of body (got some chunk but I'm healthy for my height and age) however, my husband just "never has energy for it". .. and Now, someone from my past that I was attracted to is basically knocking on my bedroom door. It has been 3 years of him slowly creeping in and me disregarded the advances but loving the attention ( I never hear how sexy, hot, beautiful wanted, I am from my husband--- but I hear it from strangers) and and now I have crossed a line... I have asked about the reality of us meeting up. I cannot even begin to explain how much I crave a sexual touch. Hell, just to feel something other than my own touch... I have no "emotional" attachments just a psychical desire...I haven't done it, I have never even cheated in my life. and and Truly do not want to hear horrible judgement...What can I do? I try talking to my husband but he just drops the problem and runs. I have literally down everything to entice him into me. What do I do? What is the right choice from here? Help me please?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2021): I find it shocking that most people presume her husband is cheating because he has a low sex drive. If it was a female would a low sex drive would you be saying that also!
Perhaps he has his own reasons for not wanting to have sex with her but it certainly isn't an excuse to go and cheat.
Buy some sex toys and focus on the strengths in your marriage.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2021): He's cheating you. I wouldn't even call it cheating if you discreetly took on a fuck buddy. You have a perfect opportunity -- set some don't get caught ground rules and go for it. "I have had a HUGE hungry for sex." I get that. Luck me my guy can't get enough of me, I'm sure I wouldn't go months.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2021): wiseowl. if this guy is too busy to have sex with his wife, which he could do at any time day or night seven days a week, he is obviously too busy to spend a few hours going back and forth to a counsellor where he has to take time off of work and fit in with other peoples' times.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 July 2021):
 First of all, no harsh judgment from me.
Having the DESIRE to be with someone (at this point ANYONE) for intimacy is not strange at all.
However, having sex with someone else... won't FIX the issue in your marriage. Cheating never fixes anything. It might temporarily scratch an itch but not much else. Basically, it adds NOTHING of value to your marriage and family.
You say you have talked to him already. Do it again. If he works insane hours, I can understand the lack of drive but that means he needs to find a way to either cut down a bit or MAKE time for you.
You two NEED to start having some date nights. Pay someone to watch the kids (or ask family) and have a weekly or biweekly date night.
I would also suggest that he gets a check-up. Being in his 30's and having no libido. That isn't good.
You need to cut of this "friend" who has come back in your life. There can only come drama and hurt from that end. You are not single. And he is not a friend. A friend won't hit on you or make advances. OK?
You need to tell your husband that you NEED for him to make an effort. Not just sex, but basic intimacy. No one can live in a vacuum like that. With no physical affection.
You can't clap with one hand and you can't FIX this alone, HE needs to step up WITH you and work on this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2021): Well, you're only human; but try to hold-off on cheating as long as possible.
You say you haven't had sex for nearly a year; and you husband spends a lot of time away from the family. Have you asked him if he's having an affair?
It seems it might be a good idea if you could talk him into going to marriage counseling with you. It won't increase his libido or necessarily help your sex-life; but there's something going-on, and you need to get to the bottom of it. If he doesn't want to be married anymore; you shouldn't have to suffer through a marriage without passion. Cheating would only add complications to the situation; and you may as well divorce, if you're going to choose that route. You know cheating will lead to divorce anyhow.
If he's also in his 30's, unless he has erectile dysfunction or an underlying illness; he's a bit young to be having zero sex-drive.
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