A
male
age
41-50,
*ronman777
writes:Please can you help me with my problem with my girlfriend. Shes utterly amazing in most respects,and I'm so deeply in lover with her. She says shes in love with me and keeps asking me to remember that what ever happens between us, she will always love me. So that sounds promising right?Shes got two kids and we've agreed after a few discussions that in the interests of the kids welfare after she split with her husband six months ago that I would only see my girlfriend on the weekend when she doesnt have the kids. I used to go over quite regularly in the evening and stay the night and get up at 5 in the morning and sneak out, but we did have a few close calls like the kids coming into the room and I think my girlfriend was on edge that eventually we would get busted.The worst thing though is that she thinks that she might never get over the fact that we met each other through work and we had a brief one month affair before both of us split with our partners. She said she didnt split to be with me but to end her other relationship and I was the same, but the fact we had each other made it so much easier to do...So she hasnt introduced me to her parents, which she loves a lot, her friends or told anyone at work. I can understand the work thing totally since everyone will gossip and I dont need the hassle either. As a result we cant go out much for fear of being seen. When we are together we are great, the sex is great and we just cant stop smiling and loving each other. The trouble is she wont say how long this no talking to parents, kids or friends thing will last and in the mean time I'm only seeing her once a fortnight so its tough on me. Shes getting sick of talking about this issue and she says she doesnt have an answer. Until her head and her gut say yes along with her heart which does already nothing will change. Should I hang in there for I dunno a year and see what happens? I'm so in love with her the though of leaving just reduces me to a wreck on the floor, tears stream down and I feel like the world has ended.Please help with your wisdom-thanks
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 You won't like what I am going to say, but to be honest I think she is right. At least for what concerns her kids.
She split from her husband only 6 months ago, your relationship is rather new yet. What if you are not " the one " ? Don't get me wrong, I wish you well and I do not exclude you may end up your days together, but your relationship is not stabilized yet, you don't know each other that well yet, and no , love does not conquer all- she cannot be totally sure you are in for the long haul.
Some moms think differently, but many refuse to introduce their kids a boyfriend... that could be out of the picture in the next future. S*** happens, true love is hard to find, and a woman in her 30 's has still quite a lot of dating years in front of her, many women don't like the idea of introducing to their kids boyfriend A, then boyfriend B, then C etc. I think it makes sense.
I don't say she does not love you , or she does not love you enough. But you have to understand that a mother of two can't separate love from stability - the certainty of stability.
Don't take it badly if after 6 months she does not feel ready yet, be patient. I understand you don't want to drag this secret on forever, but , like you said, maybe it's a good idea hanging there one more hear and see what happens. Try if possible to spend more time together, though, and most importantly, don't spend it all just having great sex and smiling to each other ! Use it to talk, to get to know each other well, to check if you are really compatible, if you share the same values and future plans.
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