A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have written here before and got some really good advice, thank you !So, my gf and I have been in a long distance relationship for over a year. Sometimes it's great, sometimes I want to run! I love her, I think she is a good person, a caring lady that can be really fun to be with. However, at times shes difficult, moody,clingy and very demanding. My gf suffers from depression, PTSD, anxiety, BPD to name a few and does not wish to medicate. I have asked her and talked to her to get help for this. She doesn't view it as an issue however, I can certainly see her mood swings and it does get tiring mentally for me. I have also offered to attend the drs appointments with her. I'm trying my best to be supportive, but everyone has limits. She feels I am making mountains over molehills. I feel she isn't seeing the negative effect on our relationship by her not trying to get better. I even suggested to go to therapy with her. She feels she doesn't need it. Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2021): You need to grow up. Either you want to be her partner or you do not. If you want to then accept her as she is, with all of her flaws.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2021): So you did go to the doctor with her.How many visits? Because you cannot properly diagnose bi polar in only one appointment.Did you make her go?Did she want you to go?We have bi polar in our family.I know how it is .Has she even been hospitalized for it yet?Mood swings do not automatically mean bi polar.Manic episodes do.If she is manic why is she not in the hospital?Mood swings are completely different.Did the doctor do bloodwork? Her hormone levels could even be off or maybe she has a thyroid problem.When you only put part of the information in the story you leave a lot out but a lot of people tend to do this to paint themselves in a better light.I would like to hear her side.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2021): To the female who's anonymous. I'm the OP
Red flags? You have zero idea and just basing your ride comments on assumption. I know, I was there. The doctor is the one suggesting she gets medicated. I agree because I'm the one taking the mood swings, the verbal abuse.
My intention is to tall to her family about it. I want the best for her. This is not the best when she can't work or cant function.
If your going to point fingers make sure your hands are clean and you know the story before calling me controlling
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2021): First off how do you even know she has ptsd or is bi polar?Are you a medical doctor? How do you even know if she saw a doctor? She might be seeing one. You do not even really know because it is a long distance relationship.Maybe she wants to keep her medical stuff private. You are only her boyfriend not her husband. You really have no clue what she does because of long distance. I kinda think you might want to control her.Gosh you even want to go to therapy with her .....talk about control.I hope she sees the red flags you have.You should go to therapy to see why you have this need to control her. Werid.
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A
female
reader, Alwin  +, writes (13 July 2021):
 Medication is not a panacea, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I suffered with anxiety ( and an ED) and one doctor wanted me to try meditation, exercise, good diet, less caffeine, first an that was good and all BUT nothing like the pills when having an attack, but I was lucky enough that the first medicine I tried worked really well for me. Some people aren't so lucky and they actually don't function very well on meds so they decide to stop taking it. I think as her bf you can only advice her to seek different medical opinions ( I found a good psychiatrist that was an angel so there again I was lucky, some health professionals are just not very good in helping people unfortunatelly). SHe could try therapy, which is also a trial an error kind of thing until you find someone you feel comfortable and who gives meaningful insight. " her not trying to get better." SORRY but things like anxiety, depression, you don't just get better, they come and go, you can be well and then suddenly one small thing may happen and it hits you again, it's not a willpower thing, it's not something you're cured and there you go never have it again, like chickenpox. At least not in my opinion, to me it's more like a condition I learned to manage and live with.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (12 July 2021):
 She is an adult and entitled to decide for herself what medical intervention she wishes for her body. You have a choice here: take it or leave it. Changing her to better suit your needs is not an option.
She may very well be a "good person" but is she a good fit for you AS SHE IS? If not - which is what your post implies - you need to draw a line under this relationship and find someone who is a better fit for you and leave her to find someone who is a better fit for her. She is unwilling/unable to change so the question you have to ask yourself if whether you would rather have her as she is or not at all.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 July 2021):
 If she is in a "good state" she can't see the bad. If she is in a "bad state" seeking help might be overwhelming.
The thing YOU have to realize is that YOU can not change her. You can't change how she feels or thinks. This is HER life and HER choice.
You have the choice of accepting her AS SHE IS or deciding to move on.
For some people medication only numbs them. It makes them feel lethargic and overall blah ALL the time, they lose their libido and zest for life. They rather have the ups and downs and actually FEEL things. While it might work for THEM, it might not work so well for those around them having to deal with this rollercoaster effect. And for THEM it feels like "normal".
The ball is really in your court. You can't MAKe her get help. You CAN decide if you can and will live with this long-term, or not.
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