A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I want to break up with my girlfriend of nearly three years. We live together with her parents, and we are supposed to move into a new place on Thursday. I am not happy in our relationship because she is jealous and spiteful of me. Whenever I have a day off she gets angry about it because she wants to be of too and ruins my day with her spite, and whenever I go to work she's suspicious of me having a "work girlfriend." and that is just the beginning. This has gone on for so long that I've started fantasizing about being with other women, not sexually but just to be able to talk to a woman without feeling like I'm walking through a minefield. I haven't broken it off yet because she has a lot of personal problems. She has massive amounts of student loans, a job she hates and a strained relationship with her parents. I'm afraid she will hurt herself if I broke up with her, but I'm falling apart emotionally and dreading another year of feeling guilty and imprisoned. I do love her and I feel she is a good person, but she has major issues that I can't help her with. How do I approach this terrible situation? Thanks!
View related questions:
broke up, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, GhostChild  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 You have to sit her down and talk with her asap. Tell her how you are feeling before you move out together.
I have been in the same situation as you. My ex-girlfriend was jealous, petty, quick-to-anger and constantly suspicious that I was spending time with other women. If I ever worked over time, she thought it must be an excuse to see another girl, and if I ever had a party to go to, she would give me a deadline to be home by, otherwise she'd assume I had met someone else there.
It's a horrible cycle to be in, and it's horrible feeling like saying the wrong thing to her will set her off and get you into trouble. I mean, you should be able to have a day off without her ruining it for you.
Tell her that. Be sensitive, but still tell her that her jealousy and spite is hurting the relationship for you and really bringing you down.
At the end of the day, if you don't see your relationship working out, then you should leave. Like Dear_Mandy said, staying with her because you're afraid she'll hurt herself isn't a good reason to stay. I've been in that situation too, you have to get out of it.
If you fear that she will do something bad to herself, then tell her parents or a friend of hers. It can be a difficult conversation, but an uncomfortable conversation is a small price to pay for your peace of mind and her safety.
Best of luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): You need to break up with her now. This has gone on far too long. She has no business being in a relationship with someone if all she's going to do is do damage to him.
If you stay just because you're afraid of what she *might* do, then you're essentially saying you have to stay with her forever because guess what? her issues are not going away anytime soon.
Remember that it's her responsibility to refrain from harming herself, not yours!! Someone who would harm themselves under any circumstances, has serious mental health problems that need to be addressed by therapy and/or medication.
Lots of people break up and even divorce every day and don't harm themselves. Those who would, need professional counseling, not for their significant other to stay with them just to avoid triggering them to self-harm. that's essentially holding you a hostage.
You just need to break up with her as soon as possible because this relationship is doing too much damage to you that serves no purpose of a real relationship. You need to disengage and not care about what she may or may not do to herself because that's not your responsibility, it's hers and hers alone. if you're really concerned, look up the number of some counselors in the area and give that information to her on your way out.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (23 February 2012):
Hi there. Three years is a long time to throw away, isn't it?
Although she has student loans, plus a job she hates and her strained relationship with her parents, the major issue in her life could be that she is wondering where the relationship with you is going.
Most women at some point have those thoughts of just not knowing if they might be wasting their time in a particular relationship.
And especially, if there is no mention by the man or even a hint of, the suggestion of marriage and the future.
Like if it never comes up in conversation, and no doubt she is probably wondering, although she won't say it to you. You can be assured she is thinking about it a lot!
I really believe this is what is behind all her jealous and insecure behaviour.
She just hasn't got a clue where it's heading.
It's the uncertainty.
She might feel taken for granted.
Maybe she is wondering whether to continue with it or end it - just like you. But only because she suspects she could be wasting her time, if you haven't comitted to her yet.
It might be time to let her know of your intentions. Or at least give her some idea, anyway.
You could then find that her whole attitude changes, once she has a clear picture.
It does seem that this conversation needs to happen, and soon.
At least then, you will both be on the same page. And that's important.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (23 February 2012):
 HI
staying with her just because you fear she may do something to hurt herself is not a good reason to stay. You cant live your life walking on eggshells. I suggest you have a real good talk with her before you go ahead and move in with her just for the sake of it.You need to tell her how unhappy you are, it might be just what she needs to hear to wake her up from this distructive road she's heading down. If she wont listen, then I would refuse to move in with her unless she stops this and suggest a break. As you still love her I wouldn't end it just yet, as you say she is under a lot strain, so can make people irrational at times, give her the chance, if she dont take it, then cut your losses and move forward. You deserve to be happy dont you?
Mandy x
...............................
|
